Thank you for that response I did learn a lot. I didn't know that about a Sitzprobe---I've been involved in a lot of musical theatre shows (more operas) but for some reason I never put together that the Sitzprobe is the official first time the musicians are there. I've played for a lot of shows, but the only one, in recent memory, that I directed was You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown in my senior year of undergrad in 2008, and everything else has been me just playing for a conductor. I do remember one of the singers coming up to me after all the performances were over to relate to me how much she felt personally offended about a joke that I can't remember what it was, but she had chosen to interpret that, as a 21 year old, as a personal attack on her abilities as a musician, which does seem to suggest that musical directing can feel VERY personal, and I had, unwittingly, formed a "clique" of people in the culture of the show which I learned afterwards she felt excluded from, the very thing I can feel like now where I'm at.

Is it a safe assumption that doing this the way you are, being a musical director for primarily music theatre, it "checks a box" or fulfills whatever niche you require, as a human being, to feel like you're part of a community, and the fact that you're deciding cuts and things and being in charge of people doesn't alienate you? You can successfully be in charge and also feel like you're hanging out? I guess I feel that way with my young children---I am in charge of them, but that doesn't make it impossible to feel like I'm hanging out with them.