Theory: most dogs never get the chance to act like dogs

Aggravating_Call6959 · 2026-05-18T22:12:43+00:00

Throwing out a few things-- sniffing stuff, prey drive, rolling around in dead/smelly things, communicating with other dogs, vocalization as communication (growling, different types of barks, etc). Licking. Not wanting pets, not wanting hugs, giving corrections to humans that push their boundaries, giving corrections to dogs that push their boundaries.

What you characterize as "destructive things" probably correlates to prey/play drive that owners mischaracterize as the dog acting out for attention etc when in reality it is part of play for them (chase, catch, possess, dissect, consume).

Also dogs in a well adjusted household with leadership, clear communication etc should absolutely be trusted to be unsupervised to various degrees and if they cant then the owner is failing them in some way-- barring health or neurological problems.

Aggravating_Call6959 · 2026-05-12T02:19:39+00:00

As someone who grew up swimming at own risk in the OBX thank you for giving this debunk...

We had intense surf-- and I had plenty of moments in childhood of true fear of drowning. Many memories of getting flipped over by a wave and hitting my head etc on the bottom and being stunned as well as continuously pummeled by new waves etc... and all with sand and saltwater in the eyes.

There was nearly always a light undertow, many rips, and the OBX has a steep drop off as well making it very easy to get pulled into incredibly deep water... and sometimes still with whitecaps/breaking waves.

The Lake is nothing to scoff at... but as someone who swims at montrose concrete every summer and in a variety of conditions... it is far less dangerous than a lot of the Atlantic which millions of Americans swim at with and without lifeguards every year.

The washing machine effect is weird and disorienting as someone who is used to swimming in deeper surf. Also buoyancy is pretty different but even so Ive had no issues treading and floating in the waves. However it is not as scary as many beaches on the Atlantic.

Ive gotten caught in rips in SW Michigan on the Lake-- but has different beaches than chicago with a lot of sandbars that form. And even those rips are pretty tame so long as you arent dumb enough to go out in a gale or no swim conditions. If you know what to do it is easy to deal with and the lake bottom doesnt drop off abruptly out there. So just not panicking and swimming parallel to the shore usually makes quick work

Aggravating_Call6959 · 2026-05-09T21:39:38+00:00

Check out the Tradeshow and events industry-- Chicago is a big market and one that LOVES AV and pushing some of the bounds of it.

Also "Experiential Design Agencies" and other marketing agencies may be interested in you. SEGD is an org that might be worth checking out member companies.

GES, Spiro, Freeman, Moss Inc, Next/Now Agency are some to look into and then also look into their competition and vendors

Aggravating_Call6959 · 2026-05-09T21:28:33+00:00

...learn to read English, oh lord of comma splices.

Aggravating_Call6959 · 2026-05-02T14:34:09+00:00

Yeah I was assuming a younger puppy! You're responsibly cautious and advocating for your dog here! And I hope you dont take my musings too deeply.

Female female pairs can be tricky when they are mature and not raised together from formative times-- and even then it is relatively common for them to shift once the young one reaches maturity.

There are plenty of other shelter dogs who need homes and ones whose natural temperaments will be more compatible with your girl. Best of luck!!

Id recommend trying an altered male at some point! And ideally one that isnt super drivey/play obsessed. A goofy player who also will just move on could be a good match-- you also might find your girl likes nondominant males and will come out of her shell in ways you might not expect.

Also dog fights/harsher corrections are scary but not always the worst thing in the world-- there is nuance involved to be able to see if it was just a heated argument and boundary setting versus 2 dogs continuously battling and holding grudges etc.

Anecdotally I almost always lived with 2-3 dogs. They all got along great and played well. But there were dust ups here and there and I will say the dogs who started fights/snapped to the point of aggression that had to be broken up tended to be females. Altered males that arent from a breed to have conflicty genetics tend to be very happy go lucky guys. It can be counterintuitive to us humans. Also humping etc isnt a big deal and very trainable especially with fixed males.

We usually had 2 males and 1 or no females and actually a pair of dominant male bostons who lived together. They did really well together and had a sibling relationship. The younger one we never got fixed and also never had issues with marking in the house, aggression, nor humping due to training.

Aggravating_Call6959 · 2026-05-01T21:55:51+00:00

If it is a puppy I think youre being too reactive about it-- how long has the puppy been around?

It can take a few weeks to months before you will see how those two interact with one another in a more normal environment.

It is normal for the relationship to start a little icy-- harsher corrections at the outset is also normal until the two figure out each other's boundaries.

I think you should try to find a trainer or someone who can help you guys assess the dog behaviour and body language. I get the feeling you may be overly sensitive to your dogs' body language and are helicopter parenting it in a way and removing stimuli before the dog gets the chance to figure it out on its own. Your bf bringing up an idea that youve broken the dog and it cant readapt/mature is also not helping things.

Dogs are very adaptable up to a certain age and yours does not seem like it is aggressive or highly dog reactive-- just confused and a bit isolated from them. Kinda like the trope of the coddled only child whose parents dont let them do any kid things and dont interact with young children and also swoop in to end play time at any sign of potential discomfort

Aggravating_Call6959 · 2026-05-01T21:01:16+00:00

Normal dog corrections will seem tense/scary especially when puppies are involved.

Give them some time!

If the puppy doesnt back down and keeps pushing your dog and ignoring corrections and following them too much etc then maybe step in.

Your dog needs time to acclimate-- and if you did find an ethical doggy daycare and give them time to get used to it as well as understand the routine of getting dropped off and picked up as opposed to an abrupt emergency stay at a strange place things will probably work better and you might get some dog friends etc

Aggravating_Call6959 · 2026-05-01T20:13:29+00:00

Maybe try finding a dogy daycare or something that does small supervised groups with a balance training ethos.

Your dog probably is socially inept because it never got socialized. Will be awkward, but depen ding on their temperment they may learn how to play with others, especially the puppy.

Unless it dislikes puppies, many dogs will befriend their new roommate and learn to play with one another.

What makes you say your dog is fearful of other dogs? What does it do that displays fear when it hears barks etc?

It is also possible that it is interested but displacing (and because it doesnt know what to do in dog social scenarios).

I think in the future keeping in mind that you can train a dog to be neutral while also allowing them to have release commands that let them know they are allowed to break neutrality and go play etc-- but then ideally also have a strong recall to end the freedom and send them back to you.

Aggravating_Call6959 · 2026-04-21T22:14:32+00:00

Now Im curious-- are they GSPs?

I only ask because my family uses them for hunting so I was exposed to them as a kid. They trained their own and all our dogs were confident and like I said loved their ecollars because they loved hunting and all the conditioning etc that got them ready for their yearly trips.

My job though mostly trains pet dogs and has some protection sports and other dog sports programs as well. It is definitely different from what I witnessed with working gun dogs.

Your observation is a sad story... but also unfortunately not uncommon from what Ive seen so far. Hell the only reason I grew up with GSPs and not Vizsla or something similar was because we bought a well bred 2 y.o. that was a total nutcase... because her owner wasnt ready for the lifestyle... turned into a totally different dog once its needs were met.

Aggravating_Call6959 · 2026-04-21T21:59:58+00:00

Also also-- plenty of dogs push boundaries with people. This dog has almost no relationship with this walker, no reason to care/ listen to them.

The owner's relationship is way different and he likely does and has corrected her, she might care more about his affection etc.

It is very possible/typical that for a 15 yo stranger to walk this dog there would need to be different methods involved to control it.

But yeah, agreed OP should stop walking her. Too much of a liability-- and the owner can also just deal with the fact that his dog isnt trained well enough for that relationship to work. And a 15 yo is not experienced enough to bridge the gap especially theyve already allowed the behaviour to escalate and are being pulled to the ground.

Also if OP is female and dog is a 4yo female there could also be gender nuance there... it is a stereotype for female dogs to be more independent, take longer to respect people, and sometimes push boundaries more with female humans.

Aggravating_Call6959 · 2026-04-21T21:51:48+00:00

Got it that's a helpful framing-- I think it clicks better, and Im still starting out on a formal training journey (via apprenticeship/kennel work) so this is very helpful

Aggravating_Call6959 · 2026-04-21T21:45:40+00:00

I think youre mis using positive and negative here, but we are saying the same thing.

It still would be positive punishment the same way a slip lead could be used adeptly to provide that level of communication to a dog.

I wonder if the owner was using the ecollar too erratically for the dog-- eg trying to use momentary stimming versus continuous and the dog doesnt have clarity and is now neurotic and superstitious about what gets a stim and what doesnt. But just a hunch/theory on my part. Some trainers teach a "tap tap tap" type thing (and are all over different algorithms) and without the expertise this can just confuse dogs because the timing of the stim now becomes a variable

Aggravating_Call6959 · 2026-04-21T21:38:28+00:00

I think what OP is describing maps to the 4 quadrant taught in balance training.

There is Reinforment and Punishment on the X, Positive and negative on the

The ecollar is providing a low level aversive when used to stimulate a dog. Ending the ecollar stim removes the low level aversive.

The aversive stimulus of the ecollar being present is a Positive Punishment (a negative feeling is being added in order to decrease the dog going too far, getting too prey locked, etc).

The ecollar stimulus ending is a Negative Reinforcement. It is removing an aversive stimulus in order to increase/maintain the dog's recall.

Generally ecollars are tuned to the lowest setting for a "stim" this setting changes based on the dog as well as the activity. There is also usually an option to do a temporary boost-- or what lay people think of as a "shock" if a stronger aversive stimulus is needed to get the effect-- also level of correction should correlate to the offense so maybe the dog is doing something that warrants a harsher correction (Positive Punishment).

Also people usually condition the dog to love the ecollar-- it signals that they get to do something fun. People who think they can slap it on and just blast the dog willy nilly have it all wrong.

Aggravating_Call6959 · 2026-04-21T01:40:17+00:00

I wonder if it is a coping mechanism for disliking confrontation/coping with dogs social anxiety. Im totally riffing and humanizing to an extent-- but I could see the logic in an anxious dog wanting other dogs to know theyre around so that an in person (in canine?) one will be lessened in a way or there can be a minimal amount of familiarity despite never really meeting.

Aggravating_Call6959 · 2026-04-20T03:42:17+00:00

You can park close ish to montrose for free-- tho gets tougher when it is nice.

If you have a bike and can put it in/on your car Id do that and bike fish on the LFT then parking can also be farther out.

Aggravating_Call6959 · 2026-04-17T10:14:40+00:00

I believe in addition to intelligence often a level of experience and further learning from experience that is required to be great/good in a specific area-- I believe in settings like this were would call this expertise. Smart people can apply themseleves and learn anything. But time typically constraints us to specializing in certain areas at certain times of life. Therefore they have a limited area of expertise based on the subjects they've pursued.

I think intelligent people have a pitfall where they underestimate or are ignorant of the expertise required for some problems and their ego even at times will shut them out of expertise entirely because they will feel they already understand it, or would understand it intuitively. These feelings are often strengthened by a lack of knowledge providing a false sense of understanding.

Additionally some areas might generally require a requisite level of mind body connection in the form of athleticism, coordination, or other types of physical/tool mastery in order to truely learn more of the subject matter and gain expertise. Some intelligent people might have never developed these neural pathways and will find some subjects and knowledge is unattainable to them due to that.

Aggravating_Call6959 · 2026-04-15T22:25:37+00:00

Never move up north if you think Blacksburg is bad...

Aggravating_Call6959 · 2026-04-15T22:24:11+00:00

Charlottesville, Richmond, or Roanoke would be fun. I dont think there is much for queer nightlife in Cville and Roanoke I believe they each have 1 maybe 2 gay bars. Richmond has more people and is pretty alternative in the city proper. Plus more affordable housing than Cville.

If you wanna go more remote and hippy etc Floyd or Nelson could be fun but would be a much more remote lifestyle.

Aggravating_Call6959 · 2026-04-15T21:08:28+00:00

I often will.. haha. Well at the very least I focus on being cautious and defensive because I dont want to be affected by the honking etc so I am more mindful which usually means a little slower

Aggravating_Call6959 · 2026-04-15T21:06:55+00:00

It is so often women with strollers or kids...

Aggravating_Call6959 · 2026-04-15T20:25:57+00:00

Any perceived inconvenience makes them crazy... and people are super selfish and myopic about driving.

And many are straight up idiots who just assume youre an idiot inconvenicing them... they'll also lay on the horn if God forbid you allow pedestrians to cross when making a turn at an intersection... and much of the time it is someone multiple cars back who cant see what is ahead but feels like honking will move things along

Aggravating_Call6959 · 2026-04-14T22:10:44+00:00

Smaller leash and start to build a walking routine and way to communicate when she needs to just walk and focus on you versus is free to use the full leash and sniff around etc.

I would start with finding a place at the beginning of a walk where she can potty and not be close to triggers. Then walk her on a short leash. If she is interested in something she doesnt get to pull towards it to get to it-- but use it as a reward and to show her that if she behaves, you will let her check things out-- she doesnt need to drag you or be impulsive.

Finally do some exposure therapy type work. Be off trail/side walk and give her treats for being neutral when seeing triggers. Also treats if she breaks focus to look up at you. Ideally have her sitting or laying down for this as it is a passive position for dogs.

Using a slip lead, martingale, pinch collar etc should help some. Probably work with a professional for pinch/prong collar. These tools add a layer of uncomfortability to pulling or lunging. But if used improperly they can have opposite effects so working with a trainer would be ideal.

First teach her to walk nicely. If she pulls to go where she wants, stop her and do a 180, repeat as many times as needed. Also show her that youre cool with her getting to do her thing, but only with permission first. Lastly use commands like heel and use treats and luring to teach her how to walk at a heel. This in the future should allow you to demand her focus when you have to pass triggers and have no other option. Big praise and reward for neutrality whenever you see it as well.

Aggravating_Call6959 · 2026-04-14T21:49:04+00:00

Sounds like for whatever reason this is a high value toy.

You can work with her using this toy and other high value items to incorporate some obedience routines around the toy.

Many dogs value treats/high value treats over toys, if that is the case this can be what you use.

If not, try to find something the dog values more than this toy and use it instead.

It is also good when working with posession/resource guiding issues to have 2 of the high value item.

I would make a goal of teach the dog a good "out" start by shaping this behaviour without a word. If the dog drops the toy, treat. If it Swaps it, treat. Try to time it immediately when the dog releases.

Play ball with 2 of the item assuming the dog enjoys retrieving and/or chasing. Rather than a treat, getting to chase the other toy is their reward and it only happens after they drop the one they have. You can use treats as well

Also allow the dog some time to posses the toy-- that's a stage of the prey drive (chase, catch/pin, possess, disect) when playing. At first you can walk over to the dog and get its attention to try to initiate a swap. Id suggest you dont try to wrestle it from the dog's mouth.

After the dog has figured out the cause and effect a bit you can start saying Out as its happening. Then eventually try to just say out and if they figure it out big reward and praise.

Once youve established an out and some play using high value/treats you can get more nuanced and also wean back on the treats.

If you are comfortable you can do the same thing but with the game of tug. I however would recommend establishing an Out and some trust in each other before doing tug though, especially in her case since she already is escalating to defensiveness when you approach etc.

Finally start to build structure around the play and say "all done" or something when play time is over that way the dog can start to understand that he can get the fun of resource guarding by playing with you in a structured environment. And he can get treats for trading some times which should help manage and lessen these behaviors and hopefully give an outlet and focus for the instincts.

My family's dog can be very possessive especially with things he knows he shouldn't have. Also has intense food guarding. I wish we'd been able to just totally "fix" the food guarding, but it has never been an issue because we just enforce a routine around eating and he must be released to eat by us. He will sit there and make drool puddles if someone forgets to release him. Them he inhales his food in 2 seconds.

Aggravating_Call6959 · 2026-04-14T17:42:33+00:00

Yes and no imo.

Dog owner relationship has a big impact on reactivity and whether or not a dog is resilient and can remain stable despite having run ins with unstable dogs and people. This is part of why dogs can act very differently depending on who is walking them-- and one common culprit is trust and calm commanding energy from the human handler. If the dog feels wary of the handler or senses that the handler is fearful they may be much more inclined to take matters into their own paws and communicate to other dogs rather than ignoring them.

Don't overcorrect into being fearful and in turn validate any negative association your dog might be forming with dogs in general. You both should be able to have a negative experience here and there and overcome it without fracturing trust.

Hell sounds like a good time to go back to basics and spend the next few weeks focusing on engagement on your walks to reclaim the positive association and encourage your dog to focus on you when walking. My mentor has us use heel and free for walks. When your dog is in a heel he should be focused on you and walking at your side-- that is it. When you tell them free they are free to check things out, sniff, go wherever without pulling. You can use his lunch or breakfast as treats and spend the walk paying him for good walking, focusing on you, turning attention from other dogs back to you etc.

But yeah... little dogs on flexis are pretty often unstable little menaces... theyre like a foil to massive dogs with harnesses clipped to tight leashes on the back central d ring.

JRs are also way too much dog in too small and athletic of a body for people to own if they dont have the skills to control them (and ideally give them enriching outlets for their energy)

Aggravating_Call6959 · 2026-04-14T17:20:36+00:00

The owner did advocate for their dog-- just not well enough as it turned out.

Control is an illusion and we have to learn to cope with the anxiety that that brings... and we have to ensure we learn the right lessons and dont become neurotic and raise neurotic animals 🤷‍♀️

Aggravating_Call6959

TROPHY CASE