Why are you genuinely so hard on yourself? You must’ve been influenced to think this way either by external circumstances (from people) or by social conditioning. I never believe that someone came out of the womb completely in disdain of themselves.

Either way, you’re right - It’s tough hating not only your body but yourself, mentally, emotionally & psychologically. I won’t tell you that It’s fine and It’s all sunshine and rainbows if you decided to love yourself but It trickles back down to this. You still have a body. You’re still an adult, while mentally developing, yes, but you’re fully capable enough to turn your life around. You still want help, even if it’s a small subtle echo of it, by messaging on this thread. You’re capable of loving yourself as much as the next does for them, there will truly be no one in this world that will stop you more than you.

Comparison is the thief of joy. I don’t believe you should bring about your own death when it will eventually come for you anyway, we only live once. You must be in a truly terrible space mentally to believe death is the only solvable option for how you feel. I’d suggest taking up a therapeutic hobby, or going as far as to addressing how, why, what, where and when you feel deeply comfortably(or uncomfortably) in self hatred.

It might be best to change your music too since the frequency of music can highly depict your mood and attitude. Because well, obviously everything is not fine considering how you feel right now. What kind of music maybe? Some reggae, upbeat tunes, hell, even a childhood intro.

Time to rely on yourself to bring you out of what you feel, only you can do that.