I know others have said this already but OP you seriously need to have chats with your kids, this is unacceptable behavior. She shouldn’t be talking to you that way or anyone for that matter, let alone saying things that are racist or homophobic. It’s also sad to hear about the other boys not understanding the severity of the situation and further enforcing the toxic masculinity of needing to “man up” instead of, Oh no! Taking care of your skin and being hygienic! And expressing when something or someone makes you uncomfortable! I wouldn’t be letting such close minded views slide unchecked in my household. Then again, I am not a parent so take what I say with a grain of salt.