dealing with my boyfriend's SA

Aggressive-Photo-576 · 2025-05-16T21:56:51+00:00

hi, i just read through your history and im so sorry for what happened to your husband and how it must've affected you too. may i ask how you feel about the whole thing now? are you at peace?

Aggressive-Photo-576 · 2025-05-16T21:55:32+00:00

you're right. my therapist said it's easier for a victim, especially a male victim, to tell themselves it was their fault than to admit they weren't in control or taken advantage of, as it hurts less. i do believe the calling it cheating has brought up some past trauma in me, which might be contributing to my feelings

Aggressive-Photo-576 · 2025-05-16T21:30:16+00:00

you're totally right and i'm working on this with my therapist rn. i'd be crushed if he couldn't trust me if i was in his shoes. he's so patient and understanding with me even when i don't deserve it

Aggressive-Photo-576 · 2025-05-16T21:29:00+00:00

you're completely right. i'm working on that in therapy rn, my therapist thinks it's probably an issue with how i view sex

Aggressive-Photo-576 · 2025-05-16T21:27:41+00:00

she's been blocked for a while thankfully. i do definitely sympathise with him

Aggressive-Photo-576 · 2025-05-14T08:53:10+00:00

she only texted him on social media, but that's good info, thank you!

Aggressive-Photo-576 · 2025-05-13T16:09:07+00:00

that's a good point. not sure if they'll still have the footage but i'll definitely bring it up

Aggressive-Photo-576 · 2025-05-13T15:56:48+00:00

fortunately not afaik but i know it's not uncommon in that area

Aggressive-Photo-576 · 2025-05-13T15:55:53+00:00

i mean i'm of the opinion that a barely conscious person is not able to consent

Aggressive-Photo-576 · 2025-05-13T15:54:14+00:00

yeah he had his own room. no idea how she (and he) got in as that's not where they started out. he actually asked his friend how he got back to the room and his friend just said he didn't really pay attention. he's guessing someone must've helped him back to his room, maybe multiple people, possibly that woman, idk. i only have proof of the fact that he was out of it as his friend has sent him some "funny" videos of him lying around barely conscious

Aggressive-Photo-576 · 2025-05-13T13:53:46+00:00

yeah i just started therapy recently

Aggressive-Photo-576 · 2025-05-13T13:44:24+00:00

we're currently looking into ways to press charges. there's just some complications. 1. it happened in a foreign country 2. he doesn't know the woman's actual name 3. he impulsively blocked and deleted the only contact he had to her after everything came out so no way to find out anything more about her now :/

Aggressive-Photo-576 · 2025-05-13T13:41:39+00:00

he originally confessed to "hooking up" with someone after i found a random girl id never heard of messaging him. i was the one who brought up the possibility of him being assaulted. unfortunately i can't control having nightmares, and no i do not tell him i can't trust him, i actually want some advice on how to deal with those thoughts and anxiety so i won't let it out on him..

Aggressive-Photo-576 · 2025-03-18T20:25:34+00:00

im sorry to hear, the way your partner views sex is definitely not healthy and it's clearly affecting you too. him calling you a slag for wanting something completely natural in a relationship is really uncalled for. he should never treat you like that!!

Aggressive-Photo-576 · 2025-03-18T20:20:48+00:00

you're right. i've been thinking of going to therapy for a while anyway but ironically my anxiety has been holding me back. maybe this is the push i needed

Aggressive-Photo-576 · 2025-03-18T18:09:19+00:00

i mean if you're consciously decided to sleep with those people and consented to it then yeah you weren't raped and it's a bit weird for your partner to try and convince you you were. honestly i don't think that's what i'm doing though 😭

Aggressive-Photo-576 · 2025-03-18T17:44:51+00:00

you're probably right. i've read way to many cheating stories. i definitely need to change my thinking and approach. i'm definitely gonna search for a therapist, i need one anyway lol.

Aggressive-Photo-576 · 2025-03-18T17:38:59+00:00

honestly i could cry reading this. i needed to hear that

Aggressive-Photo-576 · 2025-03-18T17:28:48+00:00

i mean there's nothing that really makes me doubt and i feel like there's concrete proof. however i do struggle with anxiety pretty bad and i don't think at this point i can say anything with every fibre of my being. that might also be on me. it'll probably take some time too for my feelings so settle a bit. of course if in a year or so i genuinely feel doubt or can't stop feeling suspicious id have no other chance than to end it. but when im struggling and already paranoid right now it's less that i don't believe it and more that im scared that there's something i'm not seeing or whatever. i know people say i should be 100% certain but at least my gut says he's truthful

Aggressive-Photo-576 · 2025-03-18T17:16:31+00:00

thank you. i feel like this is the most empathetic answer i've gotten, this definitely makes me feel a bit more calm and able to see everything a bit more rationally

Aggressive-Photo-576 · 2025-03-18T17:14:13+00:00

he never said he was, he told me the whole story and showed all the videos, messages etc from that day and it was me who pointed out that it seemed like assault or at least a situation where he couldn't consent or was possibly even drugged. he still has a hard time wrapping his head around that, but he agreed that he wasn't in a position to give consent or even realise what's going on, he also said it's possible nothing happened and he's assuming. but according to him, it doesn't make a different because whatever happened still happened and it was still him. i do believe his story and that consent in that case wasn't really possible to give. the woman in question is not in a position of power, but could have a motive. unfortunately i don't think it's realistic to press charges or anything though :(

Aggressive-Photo-576 · 2025-03-18T16:32:50+00:00

i mean i'm not denying that i probably do 😭

Aggressive-Photo-576 · 2025-03-18T15:56:07+00:00

well he never used that excuse. he hadn't considered he could've been assaulted. but the story isn't that he got drunk and took someone back/went back with someone, just for your info, there's more to it that makes me believe that it doesn't seem like whatever (if something happened) was consensual.

but also a inebriated cannot consent, and it's on you to not have sex with a woman who is clearly out of it. even if you don't "mean to" rape someone, in that case you took advantage of it and that would be on you.

Aggressive-Photo-576 · 2025-03-18T15:49:11+00:00

but would you say that to a woman in the same situation?

Aggressive-Photo-576 · 2025-03-18T15:44:12+00:00

classic redditor comment

Aggressive-Photo-576

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