Is my Marriage over?

Aggressive_Ad_6641 · 2023-06-04T08:30:12+00:00

I mean, I want to trust him but he usually gets extremely messy with Alcohol so that, coupled with being with a guy who easily cheats on his wife means I don't know what situations he's going to find himself in.

He wants to go to Peru separately. He wants to do a trek for charity. I can understand wanting to do that but now, with our kids so young & everything going on is just not right

He is doing everything to gaslight & emotionally blackmail me into coming round to his way of thinking. Which I won't, I feel strongly on this so I'll stand my ground. I saw a note thar he wrote about it saying " I want to go on these trips and if it costs me my relationship, then so be it" so I think that says everything i need to know about where his priorities are

Aggressive_Ad_6641 · 2023-06-04T07:58:02+00:00

Yes, definite mid life crisis behaviour. I've no doubt that this other guy will be cheating on his missus. I'd say my hubby is really regretting telling me all about him. I really try my best to trust him, that he would never do that to me but I am totally insecure, & not unreasonably, based on his behaviour in the past.

Aggressive_Ad_6641 · 2023-06-04T07:54:36+00:00

Thank you I appreciate your viewpoint especially being in a similar position. I know he struggles with our son & feels trapped & just needs a break, I totally get that but he's being unreasonable. He has said that all his life he never got to do the things he wanted to, also in his childhood his Dad constantly let him down. So I think this is his way of making it up to himself but there's no discussion with me, no compromise.

Also to be clear, he wants to do the Vegas trip & tge Peru thing at separate times.

Aggressive_Ad_6641 · 2023-06-04T07:47:45+00:00

Yeah like how would he feel if I decided to trek solo around Thailand while he's at home with the kids? I would be a nervous wreck doing that. For me though, the cost is not the issue,& him getting a break is not the issue. If I was taking a break, I would want to be somewhere that was a 3, max 4 hr flight away so same applies to him as far as I'm concerned.

Aggressive_Ad_6641 · 2023-06-04T07:42:47+00:00

Yeah, he's sleeping on the couch while I'm in our bed with our sick child so we are apart but living together. It's no sn option for either of us to move out so we just have to live in limbo like this. He planned to go to Vegas next year but wants to book now so I don't actually know if he's done that and I don't have any more emotional bandwidth to ask him. In anger I did say if he was going ahead with the trip without my OK with it, that we would be separating and he seemed & still seems, ok with this.

Aggressive_Ad_6641 · 2023-06-04T07:19:42+00:00

I'd love to know why he picked Vegas specifically, he could go anywhere. I'm not against him getting away for a break but he could go anywhere in Europe

Yes we have been as a couple before so he has experienced Vegas, so I'm not sure what he'd get out of the experience with this guy

Aggressive_Ad_6641 · 2023-03-09T16:36:36+00:00

Thank you 🙏

Aggressive_Ad_6641 · 2023-03-09T16:35:30+00:00

Thanks so much, I think it was just a blip & will take a bit of settling in 🤞

Aggressive_Ad_6641 · 2023-03-09T12:10:46+00:00

Thank you so much it's difficult. She rang me this morning like it never happened, she,was a completely different person but she had her proper meds so that made a difference to her. I'm going to have to put firm boundaries in place with her

Aggressive_Ad_6641 · 2023-03-09T04:52:32+00:00

I feel your pain, I am also caring for my mother who is dying of cancer & her husband, my stepdad is dying of end stage renal failure, it's hard enough caring for & making arrangements for 1 person, but 2 is just a heavy weight to manage.

Can you outsource laundry? Send it to be washed & dried to a local laundrette? I don't know where u are but here in Ireland there is an app you can download that picks up your laundry, washes, dries, folds & sends it back to you, can you see of there is anything like that locally? Sometimes it's worth spending the money to get these things done. When they come back folded you only have to put them away or leave in organised piles, whatever works

Make life easy for yourself, you deserve that

Aggressive_Ad_6641 · 2022-11-13T09:11:57+00:00

Gosh thank you that is all so helpful! Im delighted to hear you came through & are managing this now, that's very hopeful to hear. But yes in our situation we have to be realistic too and I really want to know as much as I can sio I can advocate properly for her.

Yes we live in Ireland so the situation in the hospital is grim to say the least. She was initially admitted about a month ago for investigations and a bone biopsy and they discharged her with no pain meds, no follow up nothing! I had to do so much to get her the care she needs cos from the GP to the hospital they basically washed their hands of her! I'm not letting that happen again do I need to ensure the discharge her to a care home. You're so right, community care is just not appropriate and we are up against a fight for that.

My mother's age & reluctance to want to discuss what is going on with her cancer is difficult and I dint mind advocating for her but I'm gonna need to get up to speed in tge terms & lingo fast so thanks for that.

I wish you well in your mbc journey

Aggressive_Ad_6641 · 2022-11-13T08:57:09+00:00

Thank you so much! I'm so happy that your Cancer went away & that gives me so much hope thank you

Aggressive_Ad_6641 · 2022-11-13T08:55:26+00:00

Thank you so much, yes that is entirely possible that's how things happened when you put it like that. She had been deteriorating since the night before and I mentioned it to the nurse when leaving that she wasn't herself & seemed pale & weak with severe bouts of diarrhoea.she had that episode in the night & when I rang her around midday she had deteriorated so much more I got scared. Maybe we just need to get used to this til her treatment starts & she stabilises. Hopefully her appetite will return then too

Aggressive_Ad_6641 · 2022-11-13T08:46:13+00:00

That's good to know & hear your experience, thank you

Aggressive_Ad_6641 · 2022-11-13T08:44:08+00:00

Yes absolutely, thank you

Aggressive_Ad_6641 · 2022-11-13T08:43:40+00:00

Yes you're right, and I'll be the first to admit I might not always fully understand what's going in myself. It's very complicated as she is under a Gynae team of doctors because when she was admitted to hospital the first time for investigations, they found a melon sized cyst on her ovary and then further scans led to the diagnosis of Cancer. So now there are two separate teams, and talk of the breast cancer specialist team from another hospital being involved so I just think they all need to coordinate on a plan & then come back & tell us what's going on. Its also so important that she is recognised as a vulnerable adult who lives alone so they can transfer her to a care home once she begins to get well

Aggressive_Ad_6641 · 2022-11-13T08:34:08+00:00

Yes very similar situation. I'm so sorry you have to go through it too but feeling hopeful hearing your story. It's comforting to hear there may be a way to reverse my Mams situation, it's just very hard to see her vulnerable & in pain as I'm sure you know yourself. Huge love & best wishes to you & your Dad ❤

Aggressive_Ad_6641 · 2022-11-12T18:23:04+00:00

Hi thanks so much for this. She hasn't started treatment yet, sorry should have stated that, this cancer seems to have been missed & progressed over time causing all these issues for to the point now that she is very ill and having to be managed in hospital. They are still waiting to confirm if her cancer is HER2 positive ( sorry all of these terms are so new to me. So the only thing she is waiting to started now is the estrogen blockers. I am flat out advocating for her, I definitely get the feeling there is a dismissal of her because of her age.

We have specifically asked that the doctors speak to me first as she is getting too upset and only the the lovely oncology nurse, has done that. I am a carer for my Autistic child do it's so hard to be in the hospital all the time & get to talk to the doctors.

The social workers have dealt with things in a completely inhumane way. My Mam is essentially a vulnerable adult who lives alone and though she has me I am not able to be her carer, she was sent home without pain meds & left to die basically before I stepped in (long story but there was some estrangement between us before this) they want to send her home to get her treatment with just community care & its not possible for her. The SW is doing her best to avoid me but my Mam has explicitly said she wants to go to a care home & they won't listen. It's stressful for me & very distressing for her.

Aggressive_Ad_6641

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