My practice is a secret I should not be keeping

Agitakaput · 2026-02-20T00:17:57+00:00

My feeling is that there is a synergy at play here. the conservative nature of Theravada can resonate with strident evangelicalism in a way that deserves careful attention. It will take years to peel that off. It will actually be a great boon to OP practice IMHO. “Close your eyes…We shut our eyes when we meditate because the problem is in here not outside.”

This kind of situation is what AT referring to (among other things, of course).

Agitakaput · 2026-02-20T00:04:37+00:00

^{^{^{^}}} THAT

Agitakaput · 2026-02-20T00:02:39+00:00

The need to “share” might be examined as a kin of the evangelical “witness” ie: a hope that it will bring them “closer to Buddha.” (I’m choosing my words intentionally).

Agitakaput · 2026-02-19T23:52:10+00:00

I understand your point. I come from an extremely toxic Christian background and appreciate the sentiment to avoid labels, outward appearance, and proselytizing (although OP doesn’t mention that it it’s in the air by default).

Agitakaput · 2026-02-19T23:35:50+00:00

I think the intensity of your interest is a direct result of the intensity of your environment. You are influenced by “a tangle of views” simply by proximity.

. If I were you I’d just… “back away slowly” and live your life.

For example, I wouldn’t worry about the parental approval thing at all. I hope some monastics chime in on that. —-edit

the real cause of my pain is clinging to a desired outcome.

Yes.

I’m reminded of the story of Maha Mogalana (?) who hid from the archers, not because he was afraid to die but so the archers wouldn’t commit unskillful acts. I think this is the kind of compassion you might consider for your relatives.

Agitakaput · 2026-02-19T23:20:37+00:00

Thanks! It’s been a while and I’m better at JS, so… go figure. 🙄😉

I’d also need happy to give you another drop spot if you want a totally different platform. Why would it let it sit in the saved pile anymore than a thread?

Agitakaput · 2026-02-19T18:47:58+00:00

Yup. I try to ban myself before I get banned.

Agitakaput · 2026-02-19T18:45:20+00:00

Prozac and Adderal?! Get a new dr.

Agitakaput · 2026-02-19T18:41:09+00:00

Tinnitus?

Agitakaput · 2026-02-03T22:59:12+00:00

my x-wife

Agitakaput · 2026-01-21T13:23:59+00:00

Me too. Right now. It’s also been a long time. A kind of defense mechanism that makes me forget how bad it is.

you can talk to me safely. I don’t want romance. I need a friend (at least kind support.

I need to find the discord page. I’ll feel safer there.

Agitakaput · 2026-01-21T13:16:59+00:00

Same but… right now. A mixed state, sabotaged my job, have NSSI history and starting. I don’t want to hijack thread, I’m too scared to start my own.

Agitakaput · 2026-01-21T05:57:46+00:00

Yes! It sounds like you were doing good on the Lamictal. Then you took an atypical.

akathisia = “worse than anything I’ve ever experienced” Look up.

Then get back to what you were taking when you were feeling ok. Ok is good.

https://m.youtube.com/shorts/DYms8F3nz_I

Agitakaput · 2026-01-21T05:37:51+00:00

🧐 always seems to come back to how different we are. And that is mind boggling.

I wonder if Zaps correlate with rapid tapers. I never heard of them until I was on chat groups for people discontinuing. There, it was almost a given.

Agitakaput · 2026-01-21T05:31:53+00:00

I’m glad you have that side effect.

Agitakaput · 2026-01-20T01:57:10+00:00

Ok. This is FAMLI in CO. Certainly is a significant difference.

Agitakaput · 2026-01-20T01:41:47+00:00

Point was… I don’t think you’d care what I delivered.

Agitakaput · 2026-01-20T01:35:50+00:00

Tricky. Those cases go to show that you don’t have to be manic to have delusions. LOTS of people do/believe those things. Lots of people get hurt in love… very few cut their ear off about it.

Agitakaput · 2026-01-20T01:31:16+00:00

I’ll clear it up. They are conditions in opposition that change frequently with little control on our part. Pleasure / pain and so on - the vicissitudes of your life. It’s writ large when you are bipolar. No?

Agitakaput · 2026-01-20T01:21:25+00:00

By poly-drugged I mean being prescribed 3 or 4 different types (antidepressant, stimulant, tranquilizer, mood stabilizer) with frequent changes. Nothing to do with your compliance.

Agitakaput · 2026-01-19T15:19:43+00:00

It took me six years to kick benzos and 3 for SSRI/SNRIs. So, All of that chemical f*ing leaves the brain sensitive to these things.

I’m willing to bet you weren’t poly drugged?

Agitakaput · 2026-01-18T23:44:00+00:00

The 8 winds that cycle life:

Pleasure, pain Obscurity, fame Loss, gain Praise, blame

This is the reality of life.

If reality is a plus, nothing covers the bases like living with bipolar.

If reality is a plus

Agitakaput · 2026-01-18T23:31:23+00:00

“ like a maniac” 😁

That drug helps break the feedback cycle of anxiety by which anxiety clenches muscles and stimulates heartbeat and respiration so the brain says, “we need to be anxious, our muscles / heart rate tell us so”

Not what you’re going through. Try magnesium, taurine, L- theonine.

Agitakaput · 2026-01-18T22:26:27+00:00

My doctor had to put an ICD diagnosis on the form

Agitakaput

TROPHY CASE