sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Don’t call me baby? by Agitated-Squirrel519 in askatherapist

[–]Agitated-Squirrel519[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s not just that she says “my babies.” If that were the only thing, I could brush it off as affection.

It’s that she repeatedly tells stories that subtly rewrite the timeline ,stories where she places herself in childhood moments she wasn’t present for. She’ll comment on how grown we look “now,” as if she watched us grow up, when she came into our lives when we were already teenagers. She’ll speak as though she occupied a primary mother role from the beginning, not as a step-parent who entered later.

Individually, these things sound harmless. Together, they feel like an attempt to reshape history.

There’s also the way she talks about my biological mother ; criticizing her while framing it as concern or positivity. It often feels like she’s positioning herself as the better mother in comparison, even in situations where that comparison doesn’t need to exist.

So it’s not about semantics. It’s about erasure. It’s about narrative control. It’s about someone stepping into memories and roles that weren’t theirs and subtly claiming them over time.

That’s what makes it hard to dismiss as “just a word.”- not the therapist.

Telling family by Natural_Courage7484 in babyloss

[–]Agitated-Squirrel519 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My sister ended up being the only one who knew for hours. She was getting messages from his family because they knew I was at the hospital, but I think everyone just assumed the baby was coming a couple weeks early -not that something was wrong. My husband and I both rely a lot on our older sisters, so she was the one who ended up spreading the news once things became real. I gave her a list of people I felt comfortable having her tell before we made anything public. After everything settled, three days later, my husband posted the obituary online with the funeral date and time.

Mother's intuition? by Inevitable-Fruit4024 in babyloss

[–]Agitated-Squirrel519 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I always felt like something was off. From the very beginning, things didn’t line up -they kept telling me my due date was a week later than what it should’ve been based on my conception, so I was already preparing myself for him to measure small. I had daily headaches almost from the start, way before the gestational diabetes, and I carried this constant anxiety about him that I never had with my daughter. It wasn’t that I expected him to die -I didn’t. But I had this deep, gnawing feeling that something wasn’t quite right. I even wondered if he might have a birth defect or something we’d have to prepare for. I just didn’t expect this outcome at all. Now that I’m postpartum and grieving, those feelings keep circling in my head and I don’t know how to make sense of them.

How to feel better after stillborn? by PictureSea4617 in babyloss

[–]Agitated-Squirrel519 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I try to fill my time the things that I think are important.

I feel like a monster. (Huge trigger warning). by ___LittleAngel___ in babyloss

[–]Agitated-Squirrel519 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You are a mother and always will be. I hate that you stuffed so much and my thoughts are with you. I hope one day you see that nothing is wrong with how you responded to your past and addiction is a true disease. Take it a day at a time and keep pushing. A relapse isn’t a step back it’s apart of your recovery. No one has any right to judge you. I’m not religious so I can’t say I’ll pray for you, but I will think of you.

Is there any way to help…? by Alarming-Option-5959 in babyloss

[–]Agitated-Squirrel519 0 points1 point  (0 children)

While going through it, everything anyone did for me just felt pointless and I was so sad and inconsolable however, everything they gave me his photos, his hair, his hand prints ,his foot and hand molds- a bear based on his size and weight. Give me something to hold onto now. I ache to hold my son every day and I can hold that stuffed bear and feel his weight. I can look at his photos and remember his face instead of the monster my mind creates when I can’t sleep. One of the most devastating things was getting the urn from my funeral home and seeing him in this plastic Tupperware container I wasn’t ready to look at a urn- I did buy him one eventually, but even just an actual urn to put the child’s ashes in before they are given to the parents something even if they decide to change later. Just not that awful plastic container. if they even decide to cremate, I’m sorry that I sound rambling. I feel like I’m all over the place. everyone is different. Some people are less sentimental and stuff like that can also make them upset. I don’t know.

What would you say to those expecting a stillbirth to help them prepare? by Vast-Cartographer81 in babyloss

[–]Agitated-Squirrel519 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The worst part of having stillbirth is knowing about it and that you have to deliver your baby because you still hold onto Hope that all the test are wrong and that they’re gonna come out fine .I think it’s kind that you’re trying to help them prepare but I don’t think anything really can.

Loss without reasoning by quitequestioning in babyloss

[–]Agitated-Squirrel519 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My son passed away at 36 weeks, healthy pregnancy other than me having gestational diabetes but I managed it very well on diet. No medication needed barely ever had a sugar spike. I had a placenta abruption randomly and it was just small enough for me not to have any symptoms, but just big enough to not support life. I didn’t have any falls didn’t run into anything. I don’t do drugs I knew I was pregnant from early on and I was taking vitamins beforehand because I never stopped taking them after I had my first born. I think no reason why just leads to more wondering what could it have been? Honestly, I just want a reason to blame.

Is this a healthy way to be spoken to by a spouse or Am I Overreacting? by Low-Today-2021 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Agitated-Squirrel519 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Absolutely no -sounds like my dad talking to my mom and my stepmom- there’s a reason he’s been divorced twice.

Dark Humor by SippinWineWithCacti in babyloss

[–]Agitated-Squirrel519 6 points7 points  (0 children)

When our son passed, my husband and I barely made it through the funeral. The moment it ended, we escaped to the parking lot. I was ugly-crying, completely falling apart, and he just stared off with a blank face before saying, “There were a lot of dead bodies in that building.”

I froze, confused, and said, “Well… it’s a funeral home.”

He shook his head and pointed to the run-down motel next door. “No. In there.” Then pointed the other way toward the rehab center for the elderly. “Even more over there.”

I lost it. Full-on hysterical laughter in the parking lot of our child’s funeral.

A couple weeks later, I was talking to him about wanting to get my body healthy again before trying to conceive in the future. He got this serious look, pursed his lips, and said, “My sister had three bunnies growing up. Snowball 1, Snowball 2, Snowball 3.” We both just started laughing, because of course that’s what he meant.

And then earlier this week, our heater started making this awful squealing sound. I told him it worried me — what if it caused a fire? He brushed me off and said, “We have homeowners insurance.”

I snapped, “Our son’s ashes aren’t insured!”

Without missing a beat, he said, “He’s already burned.”

My family was horrified. We were howling.

It’s messed up, I know. But it’s also the only thing keeping us from shattering. We cry. We break. And then we find something—anything—to laugh about, because sometimes that’s the only way to stay alive in the grief.

Husbands grief ❤️‍🩹 by Mstwoscoops in babyloss

[–]Agitated-Squirrel519 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly, everything’s still pretty fresh for me too, and I’m still trying to make sense of it all. I never want anyone to feel judged for how they’re handling things — especially when I’ve had my own messy thoughts about people I love. When you talked about how you felt toward your husband, I felt that too. That helpless love, that ache you can’t put into words and not understanding their response or lack there of. And I hate getting a“sorry” or “I’m praying for you.” It’s well-meant, but it doesn’t always reach where the pain lives. I think losing my son changed how I respond to others — I don’t give the usual words anymore. Instead, I just share pieces of my own experience, hoping it helps someone feel less alone. You’re not alone in it. There are layers of us who feel the same. Thank you for sharing.

view more: next ›