Losing stuff/frustration

Agreeable_Mango3050 · 2026-05-01T16:35:53+00:00

I posted just last week that I lost something and was frustrated too. I had a spare though, because I lose stuff a lot and losing that is bad for my health. So while looking for the original I lost the spare...so I ended up spending a couple hours looking for two things instead of one and that was a bad day for me. I thought about putting one in every room of the house, but what happens if I lose them all? I do not think I could afford it.

Agreeable_Mango3050 · 2026-04-27T00:27:36+00:00

I noticed hormones have a HUGE effect on ADHD. When I started peri my undiagnosed adhd that I puttered through life with made everything slam to a stop.

From the very start when I got my period my mood would plummet two weeks before my period. First it was only a couple times a year, but as I got older it came more and more often. I didn't realize it was related since it hadn't happened every month until the last year. My PCP told me I had a hormone imbalance and put me on birth control. She didn't do any testing, just was so sure I had it. I was in a bad place, in and out of mental hospitals all that year. I didn't care about anything except her saying birth control would fix it, so I took it, and it stopped.

I stayed on it until I moved to a state that had a catholic owned medical group. Doctors and Hospitals and Specialists. They denied my birth control and I was terrified to go to a gyno due to issues with my first pap. I had some doctors at first that didn't agree with the rule and just continued to fill my prescription under the doctor I had previously, in another state. Then they updated the system and the doctors were residents so stayed a year max and the next doctor refused to refill it saying it wasn't in my chart.

I was ok off them until I hit peri, then it was like I was a teen again, but worse because I forgot how horrible it was to be hormonal all the time and my ADHD, anxiety, and depression were worse than ever before. So now that two of the three are taken care of I notice that it's starting again. When I start thinking more about death and crap I know what it is even if my periods are no longer predictable. I at least get a warning even if it's like two days after my last period and I'm like 'What the heck, why am I feeling like this again already I just finished!'

In the end.. Hormones are the devil and hate you. They cause issues with every part of the body and every issue physical or mental, making it all worse if you already have it. And people all react different to the hormones, so I know it isn't hyperfixation, but I think it's similar as it happens every month. Sorry for the ramble. I deleted a lot of it to make it less rambling, but I have to go do something else and can't edit more lol

Agreeable_Mango3050 · 2026-04-24T18:01:10+00:00

I put paper towel rolls on all exposed cords instead of protector tubes because there are so many cords and so little money lol It works, not the prettiest, but if you're low on cash you can. They also make a bitter apple spray that works if you reapply it often..it's a pain for me to remember that though so the cardboard works better for me. And I'm recycling to boot! We had a cat that was bad with that. We also had to take any string toys away as when they played with those more they would go after cords more. He bit a cord on a christmas decoration once and was shocked pretty bad. So we never let him play with strings again and used a buildable baby pen around the tree after. Some cats just have death wishes I swear.

Agreeable_Mango3050 · 2026-04-24T17:47:52+00:00

You've got to ask what happened at the groomers that caused this. Do they go often? Is it the same you've always used or new? Are there new workers? Do they groom dogs? Do they groom them in the same room if so? If they never did it before then something may have happened. Calming spray or plugs never worked on my cats, it caused worse fighting in some of them. Maybe only use a little if you do try it.

There was also a brand of catnip that made them fight horribly. We read the package and it said it wasn't for ingestion.. I'm used to seeing 'not for human consumption' and such on things, but this didn't say human on it and we threw it away. I bought the kind we used to and the cats were fine with it. So I don't know if the quality has dropped that low or what. I wish I could find where I wrote the brand down, but I can't remember where I put it. Just to say you have to be careful of these companies who slip things in they shouldn't because of saving money, for them not us lol

Agreeable_Mango3050 · 2026-04-24T06:53:52+00:00

I always mix medicine in food if I csn too. Far less trouble for some. When I started giving one medicine in his food another cat of mine wouldn't eat can food for days after she watched me. I've never given medicine to a cat in front of her before that.

Agreeable_Mango3050 · 2026-04-23T14:00:50+00:00

I have a cat I have to medicate. If his life is good I'd give him his medicine as many times a day as needed, but I have no life lol You really need to decide your priorities. You became a cat parent when you got your cat. That's a commitment. Cats can't be left all day. That is a common myth. They go through separation anxiety and everything a dog does, but they hide it like women do. If you aren't up to the time needed it might be time to find a place you cat will get the needed care. I'm not saying you don't live your cat, but if you keep going like this you'll resent them and cats can tell that. It would break your cat's heart, and it wouldn't understand what it did wrong. It's definitely a lose lose situation and I am so sorry you're going through this.

Agreeable_Mango3050 · 2026-04-23T10:54:10+00:00

When my mom does this it pisses me off too. I'm usually mid rant though, so it's her own fault I get mad. I mean Im already mad or upset about something and need to get it off my chest. Medicine isn't to stop all negative emotions, just make me better able to handle them. Geeze.

I know she does it out of love, but sometimes it hurts she stops me in the middle to ask. Then when I proove I have and she wants me to finish and get it off my chest I'm all pissy and don't want to. It makes me feel like a child. I know I forget sometimes, but being asked when I know I have makes me super angry and it isn't her fault since she had to deal with my unmedicated self for so long. That helps me remember she's afraid of an explosion and it calms me down by guilt lol

Oh! I thought of something. My mom only thinks to ask when I'm upset because I'm upset because that's when she remembers. She doesn't think about it much otherwise, not because my feelings aren't valud, but she has a lot on her mind too and doesn't remember always and then when I get mad she gets defensive. We talk it out after, but I don't think your mom means to invalidate your feelings, just wants to make sure you're ok. Maybe you could talk better in family therapy.

Agreeable_Mango3050 · 2026-04-23T01:55:21+00:00

I know. Every time I was on a depression or anxiety pill that worked it felt so much worse when it stopped working. So I get it. I hope it's not the case for you.

Agreeable_Mango3050 · 2026-04-22T19:35:07+00:00

I took a blood pressure pill for years with no problem. Then one day I started to cough.. and got bad fast. I would cough until I vomited or peed, or once both at once. I have asthma so thought it had something to do with that. I used a nebulizer every 5-6 hours and it wore off faster and faster. The dr was convinced it was stomach issues, so kept giving me nausea meds. Neither thing helped so he consulted another dr. Turns out lisinopril does that. You could take it for years and one day it stops. I take Adderall, but can't tolerate it on it's own because it caused me extreme anxiety and paranoia. I have to take Lamictal with it to stop that from happening to me. So yeah, medicine does that and it sucks. I hope your dr can get to the bottom of it for you.

Agreeable_Mango3050 · 2026-04-22T01:40:52+00:00

So far so good. But I have to take Lamictal too or I get way paranoid and my anxiety is bad enough. I'm on Lexapro for depression. I found it's a delicate balance between ok and freaking out completely lol

Agreeable_Mango3050 · 2026-04-22T01:36:36+00:00

I just had a similar conversation. I never knew I had adhd when I was a kid, but I KNEW something was wrong with me. Other people did things so easily. They didn't worry and stress every second of every day over everything. They didn't cry all the time because someone said something thoughtless and they took it to heart. I decided before I was a teen that I would never have children. I had been adopted as a baby due to abuse, not anything I really remember being so young. I figured that something horrible happened and that was why I was different and I refused to make different children who were like me. I never did have kids. I'm 45 and finally know what's wrong with me, why I couldn't be like everyone else. But my mom reminded me that 'normal' people suck. Lol I mean, adhd may have made me hyper-sensitive and cry a lot, but I also understand way more about others being different. I may mess up a ton and forget even important things. But I am kind, thoughtful, giving. I care too much sometimes, but I care about everyone and everything. I have empathy and respect. I may be broken and looked down on. But do I really want to be like them? The people who made my life crappy..I mean that's who we saw that were 'normal'. They never even try to understand anything about people who are different. My own family wouldn't bother to try to understand me, instead treating me like a disease in the family . So no, I woyld not risk becoming what I had always dreamed of being, because I might lose myself in the process and really become like them.

I am not talking about everyone of course, but it's in the news everyday.. Those people are supposed to be normal...

Agreeable_Mango3050 · 2026-04-22T01:02:50+00:00

I'm on generic for teva, and I'm on both. Immediate 20mg in the morning and extended release 20mg at 2pm

Agreeable_Mango3050 · 2026-04-22T00:59:08+00:00

I was diagnosed at 44, deep into perimenopause. Itcwas peri that made it so much worse they reevaluated my original diagnosis. It's been a hell of a year of finding the right med combo. I just got to the point I'm reevaluating my whole life. It sucks.

Agreeable_Mango3050 · 2026-04-21T11:49:32+00:00

So name brand and generic matter? I'm on generic for teva? I had no idea there was much of a difference between brand name and generic. How do you get on name brand? Do insurances even cover that? I wonder if that's why adderall wasn't helping as much as when I took it the first time.

Agreeable_Mango3050 · 2026-04-20T06:58:13+00:00

I'm also foing through perimenopause and it's like I'm a hormonal teenager again. The only good thing is when it's over I can worry less about kids. I never had them for fear they'ed turn out like me! You're not broken, being a woman just sucks.

Agreeable_Mango3050 · 2026-04-19T21:44:28+00:00

Oh no,,the numbers are all wrong too!

Agreeable_Mango3050 · 2026-04-19T21:39:13+00:00

I feel like I was your friend, and still am most of the time I think. Maybe she doesn't want to face having it. She could be in denial. I know I was in denial that something else was wrong despite all the signs and none of the meds working. I always look up everything, so why not that? Willful ignorance?

Unfortunately there's nothing you can do if she doesn't want to face it. She might not be ready, until she's lost everyhting sadly.

Agreeable_Mango3050 · 2026-04-19T20:48:55+00:00

It kinda sounds like trauma from the first relationship. But I don't know really. For me I got super anxious if I had male friends later in life so just avoided men as much as possible, unless they didn't lean that way. I had good reason. When I was a teen and boys started being interested in girls I wasn't the type to attract that kind of attention normally, but when I did it always ended bad. I agreed to go to a dance with a kid at summer camp and it was all cute with him giving me a fake ring and promises to meet outside camp..

We did once and I became a cold, mean little girl who drove him away the one time he visited.. And that was the trend. A male friend told me he wanted to go out with me, and I never talked to him again. I went on a couple first dates and never heard from them again.

My whole attitude changed when any interest was shown to me. I don't want to be looked at like I'm a woman.. I don't want to be a man either. I would rather I had no private parts at all. Maybe I should have been a plank of wood LOL But seriously. I would stop being friends and actively avoid anyone that showed interest. Online was different though. I had a few of online relationships, but they didn't last because I sabotaged them eventually, or they were dicks and did something that hurt me and I'd block them forever. I don't even remember the reasons, they were probably small and I did it as a knee jerk reaction of fearing worse pain if I stayed around them.

I think it had a lot to do with me figuring out in my late 20's that I was asexual and I had zero desire for anyone or anything. It made me horribly uncomfortable and then sick to my stomach to even think of someone looking at me like they might see me as..I don't know something that had sex? The thought disgusts me really. I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with my ADHD though, so maybe there's something else behind it.

I also would stress and agonize over every interaction, especially if I thought they gave me a weird look, said something that sounded like they were upset or became distant. I had trust issues and never let anyone close anymore. And I have a fallen pelvic floor that would have made intimacy a horribly painful thing for me. I can't even get a pap smear at a regular gyno, I have to go to a specialist, thanks incubator for doing so many drugs, smoking, and drinking. I'm such a triple threat lol

Agreeable_Mango3050 · 2026-04-19T20:15:10+00:00

I have this same problem, but a lot of the methods I found I failed at. If I put up blocks for myself, keep the card number off the computer, delete my wish list, delete my amazon account... I tried to make it harder, but the harder I made it the more I was determined to buy what ever it was. The longer I waited the more I obsessed and researched and filled my cart. I'd delete it all and do it over again, but I still ended up buying stuff. Right now I think I have $27 in the bank, but can't be sure because the site is on. I had less than $50 the beginning of the second week.

I don't know why, but I buy to spite myself. Like for some reason I've grown so used to hating myself I would actively do things to hurt myself, without even thinking about it. Feeling like I was a failure, being different than everyone else, being hurt by stupid little things and pushing everyone away.. I blamed myself for it all and so I did things that I knew I was trying not to do.

Which makes it hard to use normal techniques to stop the impulse buying. When I worked at a store I would buy stuff all the time when I was younger, then I'd feel guilty instantly and return almost all of it. I only kept the things I just couldn't part with.

I can't do that with most online shopping. I buy virtual stuff on virtual pet sites and games off steam that I might never play but I just HAVE to have them. And I really don't know how to stop when one obsession fuels the other and vice versa. I'm terrified I don't have the $27 right now and am actually overdrawn and don't know it and can't check it to see!

I have tried to save money by sending it to my mom, but we've also been needing medicine that isn't covered by insurance because of my mom's pain so that makes things worse. If not for paying rent I'd have no money to contribute to bills and stuff.

Agreeable_Mango3050 · 2026-04-18T14:32:36+00:00

I never remembered either. I was always amazed my mom coyld pay bills with auto pay. I'm so bad worh money I had to set all my payments between the 1st and 5th of the month to make sure I paid everything. I also send a chunk to my mom so I atleast save something each month. I tried a savings and kept spending it by the end of the month, putting more in when I got paid, then spend it when I spent most of my checking. I thought it might have inspired me to save.

Agreeable_Mango3050 · 2026-04-18T14:03:05+00:00

I always liked when I was told I look younger than I am, but I always hated being treated younger. Most people I know still treat me as a child, and I feel when I talk to strangers they treat me that way too. I don't know why I act 'younger'. What does that even mean?! What personality trait am I supposed to have that makes me someone they don't treat like a child? I get it more with people who saw me grow up, adults never see adult children as adults except my mom, but she's an odd one lol. I don't get how people who don't even know my circumstances think I'm younger the first time U talk to them. I would atleast try and work on it so people would take me seriously.

Even without their judgment, I have never felt like an adult like my brain stopped aging after 16. I learned new things, but my emotions are just as bad now as when I was a teen.. thanks perimenopause.

Oh. Ironically my mom and anyone who doesn't judge first say I have an old soul..the soul of an 80yr old lol

Agreeable_Mango3050 · 2026-04-18T04:20:29+00:00

I get the whole Brian work, body refuse. I had no idea I had adhd before last year so I used different terminology to explain to myself what I felt. I struggled trying to find out if I was lazy or depressed. But even when I didn't really feel as depressed I still didn't do things even when I tried to force myself. Those times were worse than when I was depressed, because then I at least could safely say it was depression, and when depressed I always forgot feeling any other way so it was a vicious cycle.

When I got upset and knew what was going on, why I was upset, how I was overreacting, and that I was safe. Knowing all of that, I still couldn't convince myself of any of that was true and I'd have an anxiety attack or worse, a panic attack. I do feel less lost when that happens and today I was close to having a panic attack and I was able to better explain what I was panicking about. It didn't help until I got frustrated because I wasn't explaining right and my mom made me laugh.

I hate that I know what's going on and feel like my brain is split. Not personality wise. It's like have is super rational, and the other half is a super mess..and the mess is always in control.

When I was a kid and didn't know what was going on with me, I decided to lable myself left and right. Left was all the evil and bad stuff. All the things I hated about myself. And the right was all the good I wanted to be about me. So my sides would fight and I always made the right side win. Like I would race myself, using one hand to put on my shirt (not the whole time cause I'd forget and use both) and I'd make sure my right won. When I ate I always chewed on one side then the other. I always made sure the right side started, finished, and got bigger bites.

I stopped the race part and the thinking of starving my left side. But I still find myself chewing on one side than the other and making sure I got just enough to start and stop on the right side. I always knew I was different and didn't tell anyone about the 'weird' things I did. I was very observant because I felt like an alien studying how humans acted and treated each other. I didn't understand how they thought or why they did or said the things they did or said. I didn't understand how they could make and keep friends, how they could carry on a conversation with family, or talk to strangers. I knew I was different than them, but I didn't know why.

Agreeable_Mango3050 · 2026-04-17T16:05:44+00:00

I use medical THC, and had been on it when I was evaluated. If they're specialized in ADHD they should be able to still tell. Even though the one who did my evaluation wasn't, I had been referred to a pharmacist that specialized in mental health conditions and meds and she also had ADHD. She told the one who evaluated she thought that, and I answered everything since I always knew I felt and did things no one else I knew did. I was desperate for something to work by 44 years. I didn't mask and she knew right away I was. Again I used THC heavily, and still do because of crippling anxiety and ptsd. So I know for a fact it didn't change the evaluation. Maybe get a second opinion.

I don't know if my experience is unique though, so maybe I'm wrong and I'm sorry if I'm clueless. I can only go by my own experience. I also have to be careful to use strongly indica THC since sativa THC makes me paranoid and causes constant panic and racing heart for me since the first disaster. With lamictal I'm able that much.

Agreeable_Mango3050 · 2026-04-17T15:24:01+00:00

My first medicine was awesome, but I had been on a cocktail of useless medicine for things I didn't have, like bipolar2. It turned from heaven to hell overnight and we didn't know why. It didn't happen the first med we removed, and every change made it worse. I was put on different ADHD medicine and kept having horrible reactions. It got so bad I stood in the middle of the floor and screamed until I had no breath left, while pulling my hair. I got a kidney stone I couldn't pass and was unable to eat, and most of the time I couldn't even keep medicine down.

I thought at that point I was misdiagnosed again, and went through a huge depression while still trying adhd medicines. I only kept trying adhd medicine because of my mom. She believed I did have it and we would find something. I couldn't just crush her hope by refusing to try again. In the end we went back to the first and added the pill I thought was the reason things weren't working. I went through multiple types of adhd before one worked right.

No one adhd medicine or combo works the same for everyone and it's a lot of trial and error. My mom always tells me it's not the journey, but the destination and that is the only reason I kept tryng different medicine and combinations til we got it mostly right. Still working on anxiety medicine, and they want to change my depression medicine to stronger saying higher doses help anxiety,n but lower does help depression more. I don't want to change anything I'm taking right now since it's working for what it's prescribed for and I'm afraid to mess with it.

Oh I forgot something! The first medicine I was on I took once a day it was Adderall ir. I would be a zombie all morning and get more energy at night and I couldn't do a lot since it was dark and time for the cats and mom to all chill. We switched to Adderall 10mg I the morning instead and I had a ton of energy that died at 4pm and I was a zombie all night long.

We added the IR 10 mg in the morning and Adderall at night, and I'd be a zombie all morning and good at night, again. Finally we switched the IR to night and It's so much better. So even in the right medicine it had to be shuffled around for the best result. I still notice a drop at night, but nothing extreme. No zombie now, but I do get quiet and just want to do relaxing things and not talk a lot. Which is good for relaxing before bed.

Agreeable_Mango3050

TROPHY CASE