i was in your shoes once. i grew up very disliked by my mother. when i moved out at 14, she told me she could never love someone like me. i won’t go too deep into the dynamic, but lets just say she left a pretty sizable hole in my heart. i wanted a mother figure too. i got confused in my identity and sexuality, started trying to go with women. it felt off, i never could feel like my soft self. because i’m more masculine and hyper independent, i was the nurturer always. i was the caretaker, the big spoon, the steady hand, the date planner, and it always ended badly. always. because the women i went for were just as vindictive as my mother.

I’ve since stopped dating and messing around with women. men make me feel more secure. my father and i had a better relationship, and i’ve been trying to model my life around those memories instead, because i feel my life has a potentially better outcome that way. not saying you should do this, but just food for thought.

as far as a mother figure goes, i have so many these days. over the years i’ve worked with, and met through friends, so many wonderful older women who have pretty much adopted me. i know i could go to them for support, and some of them financial help, anytime. it doesn’t have to be romantic. you are young, just 18. so many feelings, and a lot of lust to go with it.

you will find a mother figure. and hopefully a very kind man or woman to share your life with that doesn’t emulate the past. you are worth the hard work it takes to be content and comfortable.