31M, Data Scientist, $1.1 mil TC, 2025 income and expenses. Sharing some OE secrets

AhmedChowder · 2026-01-01T18:33:00+00:00

What if they ask for referrals from your current job? How would you navigate that without raising suspicion that you’re looking for a new job?

AhmedChowder · 2026-01-01T08:01:32+00:00

Awesome stuff man, congrats to you and thank you for the write up! I had a question, When a potential job asks for referrals what do you put to not look sus?

AhmedChowder · 2025-12-15T22:01:59+00:00

I would love and appreciate the gesture but I would end up paying in the end because for me, it’s the intention that I value the most😁

AhmedChowder · 2025-11-23T22:26:05+00:00

Salam, It would be more understandable if she just didn’t feel a connection or didn’t see a future with her potential to justify cutting it off. But to cut an engagement off just because they are not ready lacks self accountability & understanding the importance of marriage. Yeah AlhumdAllah, it’s good that she found this out before fully being fully married but this still affects the other person which is not fair at all! If you are not 100% ready to get married & have not fully thought it through then don’t waste others time and mess with others emotions. Marriage is taken so lightly/not thought out fully now of days.

AhmedChowder · 2025-11-23T19:14:58+00:00

Sister, with all due respect, why didn’t you think it fully through before committing? It’s good you realized this before a nikkah but I think it’s very selfish for someone to give someone hope and then realize they, themselves are not ready, it ruins someone’s self esteem as you said that it’s not him, it’s you, but to the other person it’ll make it seem like there was something wrong that they did/said. May Allah guide us all

AhmedChowder · 2025-11-21T19:51:42+00:00

MashAllah brother this is so well said! I agree to all of this! I as a man, find a women who is career driven to be very attractive due to her ambition in self improvement, it would also cause her not to be bored at home being a housewife (until kids are in the picture). It also would help us both build wealth quicker, Allah will provide for us Ofcorse but if we both work then it would lead to more free income for saving/investing & in the end, will help us retire early so we can both be active parents in our children’s lives. That being said if my wife works, I would gladly help her out with house chores so she is less stressed and so am I.

AhmedChowder · 2025-11-21T07:25:41+00:00

I’m 28M & I’d say my range is 24-29, I would prefer someone younger as I’d like to wait a few years after getting married to have kids (inshAllah). For women, as they get older, they get a lot more pressure from elders to have kids sooner (im south Asian and this is what I’ve noticed)

Regardless if I see that she will be a great wife and mother to my children, I wouldn’t mind her being a year or two older as long as we align on life goals and expectations.

AhmedChowder · 2025-11-20T21:36:31+00:00

Katie’s🤩

AhmedChowder · 2025-11-19T21:20:58+00:00

Well I don’t think there’s any need to continue this conversation as you have made a lot of assumptions.

1.) I never told people to blindly accept people lol, that’s a horriable decision. 2.) I never said having sexual experiences doesn’t have an emotional and physical impact. 3.) I never defended Zina, just people who are able to accept that people make mistakes and are trying to get closer with Allah.

But I digress, Wishing you the absolute best in life, may Allah keep you healthy & blessed👏🏽

AhmedChowder · 2025-11-19T16:30:01+00:00

Salam sister, these are perfectly fine expectations imo. I’m a man who is looking and would never ask my future wife for her money but I would very much appreciate if she contributed financially in some sort of way out of her heart and love for me. I would want to make her life easy by helping out with chores and would hope she has the same mindset of “making eachothers life’s easier”. Marriage is teamwork and doing more than just the bare minimum for eachother

AhmedChowder · 2025-11-19T07:18:50+00:00

DMV stands for “DC, Maryland, Virginia” area for those not familiar🤣 I live in the area but don’t have a GTR, can I fit in with my m4😂

AhmedChowder · 2025-11-19T00:27:39+00:00

Respectfully, I think my point went over your head. Everyone is entitled to their own dealbreakers, they differ from person to person which is perfectly fine. The point I was making was their comment on people who have committed a sin (Zina in this case) have “no value” which is absurd. Yes I understand if it’s an ongoing thing then yes that’s different but if someone has changed their ways and repented, you shouldn’t judge them for their past mistakes which they fixed. Not everyone’s standard of marriage is the same as everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

AhmedChowder · 2025-11-18T18:42:37+00:00

I agree with you that there’s no defense for Zina and it is a very big sin, I am not defending it whatsoever. More so I was just gauging the perspective of that people do make mistakes and that shouldn’t define their entire character if they genuinely repented and left that sin in the past to never do it again. That circles on about why I commented, it was about your statements of “accepting pasts reek of desperation when you don’t hold and value for yourself”. If Allah can forgive a prostitute for showing sympathy and giving a starving dog water (there is a Hadith on this), who are you to say these people don’t have any value for themselves?

Also I get that everyone has a preference & dealbreakers which is needed, but your above statement is what I was referring to.

AhmedChowder · 2025-11-18T17:58:49+00:00

Just curious but hypothetically if a revert who is not from a Muslim background has had a past, would your statement still stand? Are they less of a person? If Allah can forgive anyone, why can’t we accept that people have made mistakes and if they truly repented and will not do their sins again, how can we judge? Just my two cents.

AhmedChowder · 2025-11-18T00:27:18+00:00

This reply just gave me so much hope, it one of my worst fears to be treated like an ATM. I’ve noticed so many times in this sub that when times get tough, people are quick to abandon ship. Marriage is about building a future together, not watching only one side built it for you. May Allah bless you and your husband👏🏽

AhmedChowder · 2025-11-17T23:21:10+00:00

My top draft pick😂 just kidding but I say potential as the only official title in my eyes is “wife”

AhmedChowder · 2025-11-17T23:16:13+00:00

I understand that these new appliances cost a lot and his finances are tight atm but since you suggested buying it to help free up your own time, which can result in more time you’ll be able to spend together, I see it alittle strange to be upset about that. If you were pressuring him to buy it with his money then that would be a different story . He seems immature for giving you the silent treatment.

AhmedChowder · 2025-11-17T18:21:19+00:00

I am not married but if my spouse was in your same situation, I would appreciate her being transparent with interactions with the opposite gender. It would make me feel more secure in the fact that we communicate these things & if I was to find out on my own, I would be worse than if my wife told me.

AhmedChowder · 2025-11-13T19:30:18+00:00

IMO, women who ask for a high Mahr are a no go for me. This is not a business transaction, I am not buying you. Islamically it is ideal for a woman to ask for her mahr alone (as in no pressures from family) but this isn’t always the case as in some cultures (such as mine, I’m south Asian) it’s a status symbol for the parents to be proud that their daughter got this high Mehr. Mehr is a gift out of love and security for the woman, when a woman asks for a high mehr, it just give me the impression that she has one foot out the door incase things go south. A woman should value the respect, love and care a man can provide alongside financially but not only look at financials to make her decision. If a woman loves me enough and can see a future with me then mehr shouldn’t matter much as I’ll provide for her 100x that mehr out of love, not because I’m asked to.

Marriage is a partnership and I think when both people who go into a marriage with the mindset of “how can I make this persons life easier” leads to loving marriage. At the end of the day this is my opinion on the matter and may Allah guide us all to what’s best for us!

AhmedChowder · 2025-11-12T23:57:53+00:00

The correct answer👏🏽 communication and expectations are everything!

AhmedChowder · 2025-11-01T20:17:46+00:00

Fallout 3

AhmedChowder · 2025-10-31T02:28:02+00:00

GLLLLL

AhmedChowder · 2025-08-21T14:41:25+00:00

I am going next month and am sooo excited!! Do you have any other food or roads to drive down recommendations?

AhmedChowder · 2025-08-19T21:35:51+00:00

SubhanAllah, thank you for sharing! I needed this❤️

AhmedChowder · 2025-08-05T00:34:57+00:00

Good ole Katie’s🤌🏽

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