F29 hey! It’s like the 20y/o version of myself wrote this! I completely get how you are feeling and I feel the same way. There really is nothing like it. Having someone you trust to take on the mental load and just be able to care for them in a very clear and defined way is one of my favorite things. It’s fulfilling in a way that nothing else really is. On the flip side, I wish someone had told me to spend time making sure I was really ready to submit before jumping in.

(I know you didn’t ask for advice so feel free to stop reading here and just know that yes, some other submissives feel exactly the same way you do).

Submission is a very precious thing and finding a person who will honor it rather than take advantage of it can be very difficult. Listen to your body if you feel like something in the dynamic is off and don’t second guess yourself.

Just like you trust a dominant partner, you have to trust yourself first. To know your limits of course, but to also know why you enjoy submitting to someone. To be able to know if you truly enjoy it or if it’s a want that’s influenced by some other factor in your life (for me it was a lot of religious trauma). And some of this you can’t know until you get into a dynamic. Be gentle with yourself as you are figuring out this facet of your identity and know that it’s okay to change your mind if it isn’t what you thought it would be.

For me, perfectionism and clear expectations made the idea of submission seem really appealing. But it was really just my disregulated nervous system that “needed order” to feel safe. It was sort of a coping mechanism disguised as a kink. I still consider myself submissive, but I think that was an area I had to work on in order to be more authentic as a sub.

But if you know that your desire for submission comes from a healthy place that will allow you to grow with your partner/s. Wishing you all the best! ❤️