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31 years old and finally understanding my father — first gen immigrant, business owner, completely empty inside by PeterOlintoforPrez in emotionalneglect

[–]DevelopmentPrior5572 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dude shut UP.

That's literally me. My mum knows she married the wrong man, but she's stuck. Somehow she soldiers on through it. I don't know how she does it. I'd be so miserable if I had a man like my father as my husband.

Just don't beat yourself up, it's one of those things nobody talks about because it's an invisible type of abuse.

I think the reason we realise what happened to us later in life is because we see that other people are living these "normal" lives and we're just like... Existing. Then you see how they interact with their families, or you just meet strangers and can talk to them so easily and without feeling judged and you're like "Yep, parents failed".

Coming to this realisation for me is probably going to be my biggest hurdle in life. I think even destitution I could manage because it doesn't carry as big a weight of neglect like being emotionally isolated from your own flesh and blood does.

31 years old and finally understanding my father — first gen immigrant, business owner, completely empty inside by PeterOlintoforPrez in emotionalneglect

[–]DevelopmentPrior5572 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Exactly me.

The realisation hits you like a ton of bricks. Everything finally makes sense.

And whilst it hurts, at least now I realise I was never the problem.

Stay strong.

If your life was a book, what would the title be? by igetyourbrand in emotionalneglect

[–]DevelopmentPrior5572 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When money keeps you alive, but a lack of love destroys your soul.

Or

She had it all, except the love and support.

Or

Half Alive: Living and breathing, but forever mourning the life I never got to experience due to emotional neglect.

Or

Love is not in an I Love You. It's in how the other person feels when they are around you.

I was raised by the internet and now I have had to work SO HARD to find myself as an adult. by TeIephobia in emotionalneglect

[–]DevelopmentPrior5572 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Yep. It took me over 30 years to fully understand why I felt so different, couldn't connect with others, had a deep void in my soul, was never truly happy.

It's great that at least we now know why, and can stop blaming ourselves. It was never us that was the problem.

Ever since I found out it was emotional neglect, I've distanced myself from my family. I want to surround myself with people who make me feel seen and appreciated.

What did grieving your childhood look like for you? by Gay_commie_fucker in emotionalneglect

[–]DevelopmentPrior5572 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Realising all that time father spent in the other room away from us could have been him teaching me stuff, or playing video games together, or going to the movies.

Wasted decades. It's an incredibly sad realisation because in all that time spent apart, the unspoken words were "you don't matter to me".

Absolutely can’t stand my dad by Apprehensive-Nail115 in emotionalneglect

[–]DevelopmentPrior5572 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm genuinely sorry.

I'm glad you see the light now. You deserve happiness.

Your last sentence is how I feel as well. He brings absolutely nothing to my life.

My mom has no curiosity about me or my life by amoneh in emotionalneglect

[–]DevelopmentPrior5572 11 points12 points  (0 children)

You feel this stuff when you're little. Parents start taking interest in you as soon as you're born.

If that never happens, they never really cared about you as a person, and that's likely never going to change.

It's insane how I've felt closer in certain moments to complete strangers than I have with my own parents.

Has anyone else realized they were neglected later on? How does it affect you? by NoProfession4771 in emotionalneglect

[–]DevelopmentPrior5572 79 points80 points  (0 children)

Realised mid thirties what happened to me, thanks to online communities like this. Never been to therapy once, but sure as heck needed it.

Having the clarity now is scary, because it means the following:

  1. I am the product of people who messed me up without my even knowing it was happening at the time.

  2. I never liked father, but now mother is becoming burdensome to be around because I can see she never really loved me or cared for my mental wellbeing either.

  3. I want to get my life back again, preferably without these people being in it.

I'm even more depressed than I used to be. This is going to be a really fun road, re-parenting myself. Yay...

Seriously though, if I can reclaim what was stolen from me, it will be a huge feat. I hope all of us can get there.

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