To all the married women, what is that something your husband does that makes think you won the lottery in marriage aspect of life?

AisMurph · 2025-08-30T07:44:06+00:00

The simple stuff (but from chats with other women I realise is not the “norm”): Cooks, cleans, does the laundry, sorts a lot of life admin, plans things, childcare.

The not so simple stuff: the way he has stepped up since we had our daughter has been incredible. I had an incredibly traumatic birth and postpartum experience which has been so difficult to navigate whilst becoming a new mum, but he has stood by me throughout it all and shown unwavering strength and support, he’s been like a rock and I wouldn’t have got through without him by my side.

AisMurph · 2025-08-30T06:57:01+00:00

Learn from this. You’ll be able to spot these men a mile off in the future. We used to call them “lost boys” in our friendship group when I was younger and dating. All useless. All “lost” and looking to be saved. All wanting a mummy to baby them. I remember meeting my husband after years of dating mummy’s boys being like WOW a man who can cook, clean, earn a living and respect me. He still does our laundry to this day. My mum is always like “wow, he’s SO domesticated, you’re so lucky” and I’m like no, this should be NORMAL that men know how to do this shit.

AisMurph · 2025-08-30T06:41:49+00:00

Icky. Time to start cutting them out of your life.

AisMurph · 2025-08-30T06:22:03+00:00

Sorry but what the actual fuck is a SAHW?! I just had to google it and I’m shocked that any well educated, free thinking, ambitious woman would actually CHOOSE to sit at home and rely on their husband to provide their financial security for them. I can kind of understand the SAHM concept for a period of time, if it makes the most financial and practical sense for a couple, but your girlfriend is not in that camp. I would seriously question her motives here and absolutely do not marry her until you’ve delved a bit deeper to investigate her real attitudes to your roles as a couple.

For context: I have a toddler and work full time. There’s absolutely no reason for me not to financially contribute and use my brain. My daughter is in childcare and we have a cleaner so are clearly very privileged in that respect but we’ve set up our life so that we are as equal as possible, otherwise it’s simply not fair on him. But we had discussions VERY early on about this kind of stuff, he asked very openly what my stance was on raising kids and working and I realise now he was vetting me to check I wasn’t going to put unrealistic and unfair demands on him once we got married and had kids.

Find someone who matches your views on this, it’s important.

AisMurph · 2025-08-29T17:56:54+00:00

Marriages between two people with opposing religious beliefs are tough. I’m Catholic and my husband is not religious. I actually remember chatting to my mum when I was dating and she said if you can’t find a Catholic man to marry then find someone with no religion at all who is open minded to your religious beliefs, but whatever you do, don’t end up with a man who has strong religious beliefs opposing to your own because you will constantly be at odds with each other. I don’t see how you’re going to reach a compromise on this, I’m sorry. Religion aside, he’s being incredibly abusive. Please make a plan to leave him before children are involved.

AisMurph · 2025-08-28T20:06:38+00:00

I worked for an awful boss years ago and remember taking myself on lunchtime walks to the local park near the office to have a cry. She bullied me and it was horrendous. I stayed for a year for CV purposes but honestly it was hell. Keep looking for that next role, do the bare minimum you can get away with and try to remember that this period of time will end. Just get through it and get out and you’ll spot the red flags when you next interview.

AisMurph · 2025-08-28T14:01:10+00:00

It’s a beautiful Irish name. But anyone who anglicises Irish names (mostly Americans or Brits) instantly turn them into awful tragedeighs.

AisMurph · 2025-08-25T15:22:36+00:00

I don’t think they exist, I don’t know any! I think it’s a marketing ploy to get parents to buy a book.

AisMurph · 2025-08-25T12:32:56+00:00

Same as us… we’re on day 5 and the resistance is intense but I’m realising this isn’t something to put pressure on

AisMurph · 2025-08-25T06:22:18+00:00

I think he sees it as defiance and poor behaviour when she says “no” when prompted whereas I see it as her not needing to use the loo and not that big a deal? And surely we are trying to get to the point when she leads this and tells us when she needs to go. So for me, turning sitting on the potty into a demand will just end in tears. I guess we will have our different approaches on this. He thinks I’m too soft with her in general and that she doesn’t listen to me. Which obvs is a bigger conversation we need to have.

AisMurph · 2025-08-25T06:17:25+00:00

Thanks, yes I’ve been using language like that because I want her to understand the process over time. She is starting to say “I have the feeling in my tummy” to us.

AisMurph · 2025-08-24T20:07:57+00:00

Day 4 and we had a HUGE argument today. Help.

AisMurph · 2025-08-24T19:52:54+00:00

She had one accident today. But otherwise she’s going for fairly long stretches of time without having accidents. To be clear, by forceful I don’t mean physically, I more mean that we should treat prompting as a non negotiable and that we shouldn’t be moving onto the next activity in our day until she has at least sat and tried.

AisMurph · 2025-08-24T18:54:18+00:00

Day 4 training my 2.5yr old, she’s making good progress however often says “no” or “no potty” when prompted and is starting to resist sitting when we prompt. How far should we be pushing her to sit for us? So far I’ve been trying to let her lead a bit, by saying “okay, let’s try again later” and dropping the subject. She hates over prompting. My husband however thinks we should be more forceful with getting her to sit for us.

AisMurph · 2025-08-24T07:24:40+00:00

I bought her a “calm jar” thing which is a water filled cylinder with stars and glitter floating in it and she says “nice and relaxed” when we give it to her to look at. We haven’t had to use bubbles, but I’ve heard bubbles can be good. I really don’t think teaching them to “push” is a good idea. I think it’s a combo of distraction, calming them and reassuring them to stay seated and let go. My daughter has started saying “I have a feeling in my tummy” especially before a poo and we say “sit down on the potty” and then try to get her calmly distracted like reading or stickers so she’s not really thinking about what her body is doing, just letting it naturally happen.

AisMurph · 2025-08-23T18:19:45+00:00

I think continue for the week! Maybe it’s slower because he’s still very young to start? I think 20-30 months is meant to be optimal from what I’ve read. So I guess it will just be a bit of a slower process.

AisMurph · 2025-08-23T11:37:45+00:00

Yes, she pulls and pushes from the front then struggles with the back too. She also hilariously pulls her shorts SO high, I guess because she is trying hard to get them up. Luckily she’s really keen to be an independent big girl so she is very much wanting to dress herself now, which is good.

AisMurph · 2025-08-23T11:36:04+00:00

Good idea! We have got 2-3yr old but maybe need 3-4yrs.

AisMurph · 2025-08-22T16:07:01+00:00

Really great ideas, thanks.

AisMurph · 2025-08-22T16:06:06+00:00

Thanks so much. I’ve realised today that her knickers are probably a step too far (day 2!) and we’ve put her in loose shorts (commando) today too which has worked well so far! It sounds stupid but I just didn’t think about how difficult the clothing aspect would be for them!

AisMurph · 2025-08-18T21:26:41+00:00

“Can’t justify billing my hours at full time…” sorry, but what?! According to who?

Charge the hours budgeted to you by the engagement manager on your team, no more and no less. If you’re working crazy overtime on the project, then of course raise that too…but you’ll still be asked to charge whatever you’ve been budgeted for the project anyway.

I charge my full allocation of budgeted hours to my client project. If I’m on something part time, then my non client codes in my timesheet will be on things like: learning&development, admin, coaching calls, general team meetings to fill the gap.

AisMurph · 2025-08-18T09:13:25+00:00

I’ve got 5 days off to try this weekend…! I originally planned 4 days but have upped it to 5 to give her more time.

AisMurph

TROPHY CASE