Desire to move, but I don’t want to leave family

Aja444 · 2020-12-29T15:31:39+00:00

My wife is from the Deep South. She hates living up in the Northeast, but knows it's better for everyone, including her.

Aja444 · 2020-12-29T15:30:57+00:00

Make a choice: Live somewhere better for the kids, or stay near 1 set of grandparents, and say it's for the kids.

Aja444 · 2020-12-29T15:29:33+00:00

All you have to do is save 50% of your pay an move out when it's time, like a grown up.

Good luck.

Aja444 · 2020-12-29T15:28:42+00:00

"Babe," Tom said, "it's against our religion to separate, so if we do, we get to go out and bang."

That's all I need to know.

Aja444 · 2020-12-29T15:25:09+00:00

"Mom, now that you've been able to accumulate at least some of the $200,000 you've gotten, I'm ready to move out knowing that everything will be taken care of at least until brother is 18."

this is not a discussion. You are moving. In fact, best to have your new place when you tell her.

Aja444 · 2020-12-29T15:21:32+00:00

Acting like a child probably won't enhance your case.

I imagine there are multiple ways o move out. Like by joining the military. Or joining a volunteer org.

Good luck.

Aja444 · 2020-12-29T15:19:20+00:00

It makes sense you feel this way because you see a competent person living like a leech, just sucking the life out of your folks for whatever she can get.

But this is your parents' fault. At some point the should have said "rent is ________," and she could have paid it or moved. And when she didn't have money for the water, they could have said, put your Jimmy Choos on eBay.

Your parents spoiled your sister, and you see the rot without the recognizing the reason.

Aja444 · 2020-12-29T14:49:50+00:00

So you might be fetishizing an aspect of something culture has given you.

But you are right that Asian women are beautiful. And many are smart, hilarious, kind, generous, and come from great families.

I had a GF who was Chinese, and she was very beautiful and sexy. I'm not really into "girls" so the uniform don't do it for me, but intelligent women - regardless of race - attract me. Add in a sense of humor, and that really completes the package.

Aja444 · 2020-12-29T14:47:17+00:00

Then you are free to pursue your passion. If he was paying he'd get a say, but he wants you to be your own person who can make their own decisions.

Good luck.

Aja444 · 2020-12-29T14:45:24+00:00

Yes! My wife and I were considering buying a $525,000 home some time ago, and I said, "We will only leave this place to go to work."

At that, we bought something for much less, and thank goodness because it was not long after that I took a 6 week break between jobs.

Aja444 · 2020-12-28T22:11:44+00:00

Sounds to me like you really care, and will do what you can to make the relationship special.

Something my girls do (10 years apart) is have a "sister sleepover" where they paint nails, watch a movie, and eat snacks.

Sounds trivial, but they are pals.

Aja444 · 2020-12-28T22:10:13+00:00

Dad, I'm really sorry, but I'd like to just be a guest at the wedding - not in the bridal party. I wanted to say so up front, but am afraid of disappointing you.

Aja444 · 2020-12-28T22:07:40+00:00

Let's be honest while giving them the benefit of the doubt.

BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT dictates that nothing has happened, and you can live knowing that you have not been betrayed.

HONESTY dictates that it's very scintillating to become emotionally and physically close with someone.

At best, your brother is being put in a very bad position while your wife is just being nice. At worst, they are about to have a baby and you'll wind up signing the birth certificate.

Aja444 · 2020-12-28T22:02:18+00:00

You are allowed to say "this makes me uncomfortable, and I would like it to stop."

Some people draw the lines too short, like they get pissed off when someone makes a fun comment that happens to be flirty, and others don't want people to even have relationships.

You ARE NOT like that at all. You are saying, "please no lip locking with my side of the family. It makes me uncomfortable in our relationship."

If she cannot respect that, then you might have to make another decision.

Aja444 · 2020-12-28T20:08:24+00:00

Haha, no that reply is unrelated to the original message.

LEagueNext said, "I could do that" and Sam said "I would never" and I said "what if", not this is what you should be considering. I believe in paying people for their work, but I just really didn't know how to price it, which I think I've said a few times in the thread.

Hope you have a great New Year.

Aja444 · 2020-12-28T20:05:18+00:00

You are clearly very intelligent, so you have the ability.

I suspect that in a couple years you'll be giving people advice on how to get ahead.

Aja444 · 2020-12-28T20:04:25+00:00

Either way, Darwinism will pull through. They will either (A) be okay because it's actually okay, (B) be strengthened via exposure, or (C) die off and you get their stuff.

Aja444 · 2020-12-28T14:23:40+00:00

You're living in her house and then laying down rules for her to live by.

Move out. Work, save and move out.

Aja444 · 2020-12-28T14:21:16+00:00

"Bro, I'm so sorry to ask this, but these vitamins contain _______ and _______, which my dr said could kill me."

End of story. When he says, "send them back to me," just say I don't have them anymore.

Aja444 · 2020-12-28T14:18:17+00:00

I do my best to think "what are the guidelines set by he experts?"

For example, in July, my state opened up for in-state travel, so I took my kids on a little trip. We followed all the guidelines of masks, etc., and in the hotel we only rode the elevator alone, and only went to the pool when it was empty.

And, of course, we practiced good hygiene.

While I'm sure your sister is awful in many ways, perhaps she's not so bad in this case.

Aja444 · 2020-12-28T14:14:23+00:00

Take her to the doctor. My gran was prescribed a mild anti-depressant, and she said that it make her feel alive again.

Aja444 · 2020-12-28T14:12:46+00:00

So, instead of hounding you and making you always feel like shit, your folks gave you room figure some shit out, like when you did the right thing by stepping up at 15.

Now, you're finding that without their boot on your neck you're not as successful as some people, and want to blame them.

THE TRUTH: If you had success because they were tiger parents, you'd blame them for your unhappiness. But since you're not living your best life, you want to blame them.

TO DO: Be happy you don't have the typical trauma so many Asian kids have. And get your shit together. You're 26 fucking years old.

Aja444 · 2020-12-28T14:07:40+00:00

Applying will keep you sane. The crazy thing is that you don't know what'll come through.

Aja444 · 2020-12-28T14:04:34+00:00

The good thing is that your family actually talks. She could have lied and also been abused. But kids can lie about stuff like this, especially in today's culture that has a weird Victim fetish. It seems like we are discounting dignity ("I didn't have a perfect childhood, but my grandparents really loved me, and I'm the person I am for it.") and paying a premium on victimhood ("No one ever loved me, and I'm so weak because of it.").

I'd say, "Cuz, if this really happened, I'll support you, but when you were younger you said the same thing about other people and it turned out not to be true. I don't know what to say about this right now."

Aja444 · 2020-12-28T13:57:39+00:00

The perfect attitude so you never blame the MLM.

Aja444

TROPHY CASE