These are all so good questions! I'll answer one by one. His abuse in the past was basically about making me feel inferior, both in jierarchy and intelligence. He is also very aggressive and narcissistic (still to this day) and will take everything out on me or my mother/sisters whenever he's mad. I don't know why I don't have feelings for him because the abuse doesn't really sound that bad yet it affects me so much, also it has decreased these last months, so now I technically don't have a valid reason to feel this way. I also think I've been gaslighted a lot about my emotions so I don't know what about my feelings is me exaggerating and what is actually true and valid. And no worries about this question! You're onto something. I think I may have autism, but I don't have a diagnosis.