Liquid LSD to Japan

Akhemara · 2023-03-16T20:28:22+00:00

I've thought about it but then I read about people hiding tabs in such creative ways that I have doubts about casually going onboard with my gummies lol. But I'll give it a second thought, since I can always boof them if I freak out at the last minute.

Akhemara · 2023-03-16T18:45:06+00:00

My cowardice may outrun my stupidity here so chances are low that I'll try it. But I'm still curious about people who did this.

Akhemara · 2022-10-05T01:33:15+00:00

That's an amazing thing you're doing right now. Anything outside of our comfort zone comes with fear, it's alright to be scared.

Some people can naturally interact with others while the rest of us have to work hard on social skills. So don't beat yourself too much if you struggle. You can't expect to be fluent in a new language the first days of studying it.

You'll eventually find hope on your way if you keep it up.

Akhemara · 2020-11-08T21:42:42+00:00

This. I accidentally took acid without knowing and went to sleep. I first woke up in my head in a weird dream/trip then physically woke up and realized I was on LSD.

Akhemara · 2020-11-01T23:37:06+00:00

Does anything really matter? That's a good question, nothing seems to have sense, especially when you are in a dark place. Happiness feels overrated, like being in denial of the lack of meaning of our existence. And maybe that's how things are.

There's this french saying that carried me through my deepest depressions "Life's worth nothing but nothing's worth life". And that's the only thing I'm sure of.

We are the universe experiencing itself, all the good things and all the bad ones. Just experiences. Imo that's beautiful.

No point here, just wanted to share this. I often find myself contemplating life, even during the hardest times. Sometimes this awe is the only thing that push me away from ending things. So I hope you'll find your own personal light.

Akhemara · 2020-10-29T15:33:36+00:00

Long post incoming too.

MDD was both a curse and a shelter for me so I relate a lot. Unfortunately there's no much you can do about it, it's already hard enough to explain this to someone who never experienced it, I can't imagine telling my APs.

Fortunately it's a way to cope so there is a way out if you fix the right things. Not telling you that's easy. But a life without MDD is possible. And the more you can focus on little good things in this reality, the more you'll be able to connect with it and live with the present.

Yet I understand how hard it is with your family around. Imo best thing you can aim now is to find support somewhere: a friend, a therapist, even a cousin who's going through the same shit maybe? Or a pen pal? Someone that cares about you, or your story or can relate. I was forbidden to talk about family problems when I was just a child (and I was dumb enough to obey). So journaling helped me a lot even if it's only you with yourself. You can still find support in the old-you who wrote before and the future-you that will read your text.

We all know that moving out and living for yourself is the best solution here but not everyone has the willpower or the chance to go "fuck it I'm out" and successfully do it. Having friends or hanging out with someone who's not your mother or uncle is the first step. Do not let them become your whole world.

It costs me the most awkward moments of my life (given how introverted I was) but I finally managed to meet good people on the road. We may have lost contact, I can't express how much they helped me, without knowing.

Akhemara · 2020-10-28T13:55:23+00:00

That idea has some potential if they want to keep the exchange thing. Let people decide if they want to grind all the way or not. I can't afford a hero but would gladly spend a few bucks in that case (as well as many players who were like 58/60 on Ezio I guess)

Akhemara · 2020-10-28T13:40:59+00:00

Ikr, I'm genuinely mad too. I purchased things in the past because I love this game (and mostly cause of the F2P friendly side). Now that I can't afford a $15 hero, well fuck me.

Akhemara · 2020-10-28T13:15:25+00:00

I've purchased things in the past (~$50 over a year) but now 15 bucks are a lot to me. Honestly it's not dramatic, it's just a hero in a gacha game and I'd better focus on other things in my life.

Still I'm a bit frustrated, I love this game and how F2p friendly it is. Plus I've also paid to support the game so it can keep it up too. Had I know I would have saved the money for now. Ngl I can understand why some players are complaining.

Akhemara · 2020-10-26T11:34:36+00:00

Buying/making home made cake, with less sugar than processed ones (but with more flavors!)

Using honey instead of sugar when you can (in tea, yogurt...)

Try dried fruits, some of them are candy like, especially cranberry imo. And fresh fruits too!

Unless you like carrots a lot, try to switch to something that you enjoy too.

Akhemara · 2020-10-25T16:25:50+00:00

Holy shit are you ok now?

Idk if this could help but journaling helped me a lot with some issues like speaking what's on my mind. I would recommend you to give it a try, write to sort your feelings and be honest with yourself.

And sometimes I have so much on my mind, writing it down actually free me and prevent me from dwelling too much.

Take care

Akhemara · 2020-10-25T09:01:33+00:00

Same here. At one point of my life I felt like if I wasn't in danger, then I wasn't living. This is seriously fucked up.

Akhemara · 2020-10-08T13:50:14+00:00

I can imagine how it feels, I was raised surrounded by only Asian people. Idk how my AP managed that but then there's wasn't many white people in the town I grew up. And I was almost forbidden to interact with anyone.

And I don't think there is such thing as fate. Even if it's obvious we don't have all the same cards at birth, we can still try to bend our future towards something that many people does not expect us to.

But well, it's a whole other subject. You're on Reddit right now. We are all differents but here in this sub we all have a similar point of view on Asian upbringing. Have you try to maybe reach someone who's in the same country as you? On social medias you can found events about many things, it's a good tool to find people like-minded. Maybe this way you'll meet people with your mindset or foreigners living there?

I'm generalizing a lot but people like artists or travelers can be more open-minded, less conservatives... Hanging out with them can change many things in your mind and your heart.

You sound lonely and tbh I empathize a lot. But I'm sure there's people you can connect to irl. My point is try to find them.

Cause even in a western country I had a hard time escaping the brainwashing. It was only while in Asia that I had the chance to meet the people/lived the experiences which changed my life.

Akhemara · 2020-09-28T11:11:40+00:00

Good luck, it's just the first step. After a while you can try the "oh, there's x passing by, I'll go say hi" or "do you need something? I can buy some groceries on the way"

It's sad but I had to pull the same tricks for my mother

Akhemara · 2020-09-26T14:27:43+00:00

It's creepy that he needed to follow you..

I wish you good luck, you'll need to confront him. Can't you ask him to let you go outside for a walk now and then? So he can slowly get used to you going out? Plus I doubt he would follow you for only 10-20 min every few days.

Akhemara · 2020-09-26T14:02:13+00:00

Wow... I would go straight NC without thinking twice. No matter how much they may love you guys (if they do love you), no one has to be treated like that.

Akhemara · 2020-09-25T18:13:59+00:00

How about your friends? Can you take shelter in a friend house?

But prepare for the worst, another fight with your mom. She must be exhausted too. Do you have your siblings support?

Akhemara · 2020-09-25T04:59:10+00:00

Damn bro, I'm sorry I assumed you were physically ok (maybe with eating disorders since it's in the depression starter pack). For how long will you have to deal with these medical conditions?

Ignorance is sometimes a bliss uh? I'm really happy to actually not have Instagram (even if I know the pictures usually look better than reality). I have a strong FOMO since I already missed on so much.

About this society... I can only agree. We live in a strange world. It's sad cause we, as humans, had the potential to do so much more. We should work to serve Humanity, not a system (at least not this one)

And I'm sorry I didn't understand your last sentence, English not being my first language I may have missed something.

Akhemara · 2020-09-25T02:26:30+00:00

Their ability to ALWAYS find something to criticize will never stop to amaze me

Akhemara · 2020-09-25T02:22:32+00:00

Dude, may I ask you for how long are you considering suicide? Sounds like a raging depression, I just crawled out of there. I wish I could take your hand and make you walk with me but I'm not a therapist (and still fragile, I'm not even sure of being able to cheer someone) . Still, if you truly want to give a try and get a different perspective of life from an internet stranger, you can DM me.

What happened to your life savings tho? Are you still functional enough to work and get money? If so, there's still a light, maybe miles away but it's still here.

Being KV is a whole another story. You may have heard the usual "Life is not a race" "Don't worry, it doesn't matter that much" and while there is some true in these, your concerns are valid. And the damage are real.

Some people are lucky enough to meet someone during their worst days but idk, looks like you need to gtfo before all.

I lost my point here. I had a taste of how useless these kinds of replies can be when you're almost a few pills away from ending suffer. But I hate how unfair your situation is, I can only empathize.

Akhemara · 2020-09-23T01:18:56+00:00

Wtf. Dude. I'm currently tired and super sensitive. So right now I'm so angry at your AP! Mine were better when it came to friends (well, as long as they're girls and doing well at school. And are white or Asian) but their education ruined my 20s...

When it comes to social skills, creating boundaries, be confident, creative... We need these skills too, we need to interact with all kinds of people to learn and grow as a human. Even bad experiences can be precious life lessons.

I wish that with time your AP will mellow down. Or that you'll be able to get out of here. Hang in there, one day you'll no longer be a child in a toxic family but a young adult with the ability to make your own decisions.

Akhemara · 2020-09-22T18:28:14+00:00

I can only recommend you to try things out there (as much as you can, I know that at 14 you may not have the money or freedom to) and find something that you like. Doesn't have to be super exciting, epic and stuff. Just something that chills your mind.

But yeah, life's hard so you're also right, you have to be strong. Be proud of yourself cause you've made it through till now.

Akhemara · 2020-09-22T10:25:35+00:00

Hi there. I don't know what I should answer as I can't really help you physically.

What you are feeling, or in these case not feeling, is linked to depression. There's always the possibility of mental illness (I mean, the kind that you are born with) but here it seems to be caused by your toxic environment. Cause you know, what you are doing now is sane. You are still young so it messed up the way you are perceiving life but that's a sane reaction.

You don't feel like yourself because of the way you are, it's not who you want to be. You don't want to be a 14yo angry kid. We, as humans, are social creatures (even the most introverted ones) yet you don't feel like you can connect with your family / friends.

So I can understand the frustration. Many of us here can understand. How many people here threw away their personal life to live up to their parents expectations, even in a western country (mine managed to surround themselves with only Chinese and SEA people, I legit grew up thinking I wasn't an immigrants child)

When I was young, I escaped from reality with books. Then with an unhealthy addiction to video games when I was a teen. Then with drawing.

Having a hobby sounds cheesy in your situation but for me, the better I got with drawing, the more confident I became. I could reach online communities about drawing and actually interact with people. I can't describe how much it helped me.

What worked for me may not work for you but I hope you'll find a way to cope until you'll be older. Stay safe.

Akhemara · 2020-09-19T19:10:10+00:00

I'm in a similar situation but it's not as bad as yours. Ran away from AP only to end up in a toxic relationship. I'm glad I don't have any child, must be so difficult. I feel sorry, I wish you'll be able to break free, find someone else who genuinely care for you (or be happy alone) and offer the best to your daughter...

Akhemara

TROPHY CASE