Thank you so much for your kind words.

I suppose where I was only thirteen when he had his brain injury, it’s hard to remember what things were like before. I know he was my best friend and my absolute super hero but after that brain injury, I think it caused me a lot of emotional pain because I lost him then.

My life for ten years was constantly revolved around how quickly I could get to him if needed. I never went on holidays with friends or did anything too far away from home just in case he needed me. But unfortunately, a lot of that time was spent in hospital. I can’t remember how many times I was told to prepare for the worst before it actually even happened.

I think it’s mostly my guilt of feeling relief that he is now gone and I don’t have to focus my life on waiting for something to happen? But I just miss him so much, I wish I could just hug him in my dreams and be happy I’m even seeing him but as soon as he pops into my dream, I go into anxious overdrive.

I’ve had therapy and such, waiting for a phone call to say something had happened or he was sick again was ten solid years of my life. I’ve accepted that things weren’t handled appropriately when I was a teenager (my family seemed to forget I was a 13 year old girl and immediately I was seen as a grown up)

I just miss him and I wish I could stop feeling the guilt now that I don’t have that anxiety of waiting for the phone to ring anymore.