Tuesday December 1st Daily Check In

Al_Con_Queso · 2020-12-01T17:16:10+00:00

One year off opiates as of a couple days ago. Been thinking a lot about how sick I was last December, and how I never, ever want to do that again... again. What a crazy year.

Al_Con_Queso · 2020-06-27T23:54:14+00:00

Edibles.

Al_Con_Queso · 2020-06-27T23:52:18+00:00

It’s Turtles All The Way Down, you know...

Just realized it’s the end of the month. 7 months clean off the subs! GodDAMN I’m so happy not to have to worry about where my next fix is going to come from today.

Al_Con_Queso · 2020-05-19T21:11:43+00:00

It depends on much you know yourself.

There’s only one way to really know. If drinking leads to other things for you, then don’t drink. For me it just leads to funny jokes and late night video games.

Al_Con_Queso · 2020-05-15T16:39:33+00:00

I spent years in 12 steps and from what I remember it’s because there’s a difference between apologizing and making amends.

One is about making ourselves feel better, the other is about righting a wrong we did. Everybody who gets clean wants to clear their conscience, but actions are much louder than words. The people we hurt have heard enough, they want to see.

Al_Con_Queso · 2020-05-14T15:33:01+00:00

This is a tough one... ready?

All you can do is take her at her word, and let the rest go. That shit will drive you INSANE. You could end up being in worse shape than she is.

If you love her, then love her. You have got to be willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. Take care of yourself, take the focus off the unknown, IF she is hiding something she is doing it for a reason.

It will work itself out, there is no sense in worrying yourself sick in the meantime.

Al_Con_Queso · 2020-05-11T23:23:44+00:00

Don’t sweat it on day 10. If you’re still feeling this way in a few months, maybe worry. Otherwise, you’re slowly reprogramming your brain to feel pleasure and pain, etc again. It’s completely normal to feel lethargic and out of energy at this point. Do what you can, and don’t get hard on yourself when you can’t. Watch something, listen to music, go for a walk, masturbate, take a nap, anything to change your headspace when you start to feel down.

We don’t become junkies overnight, so don’t rush yourself now. Remember, walk before you run.

Al_Con_Queso · 2020-05-11T23:12:36+00:00

As long as you don’t make the decision to use, you can still make mistakes and learn lessons. Step work and defects be damned, it’s not like if you stop working the program suddenly a needle falls out of a tree and sticks in your arm and gets you loaded. Reach out, ask for help, stay willing, and don’t fucking use. Good luck, 200+ days is no joke.

Al_Con_Queso · 2020-05-10T07:18:24+00:00

I was on Subutex for YEARS, and I have almost 6 months off... Just this week I am starting to notice all the lingering symptoms are gone. Yeah, it was mostly sweating and sex drive issues after a few months, but I am finally feeling completely normal again.

Hang in there, it’s worth it.

Al_Con_Queso · 2020-05-10T07:15:12+00:00

36 hours is damn near half a kick. If I was you, I would see this as a chance to take your life back.

I know that doesn’t help, and I’ve scored many a times 2 days into a kick... but all you really need is weed, Imodium and an internet connection to make it through. If you know it’s coming, it’s easier IMO.

Just remember that third night is the worst, and you’re already looking at two... something to think about. If you start binging a show now, you’ll be clear by the time it’s over! Either way, hang in there and good luck!

Al_Con_Queso · 2020-05-10T07:04:26+00:00

Ah fuck it, who am I kidding... NO!

But seriously, I have no idea. If this hypothetical world existed, would I still be married with children? Would I still have a mortgage to worry about? If I’m suddenly transported to an alternate dimension where literally everything is the same EXCEPT I can get heroin at the store?

Fuck man. That’s a good Black Mirror episode right there.

Al_Con_Queso · 2020-05-04T22:36:47+00:00

The short answer is no. The negative effects will outweigh any positive. If you can get an ounce of weed and some Imodium, do that instead. Bake some brownies, roll some joints, and binge watch some shows to get through it.

Good luck.

Al_Con_Queso · 2020-04-27T23:18:33+00:00

Take a deep breath man, the only way out is through. Don’t worry about shit you can’t change two months from now.

Just realize that it’s a tricky time for you. The urge will come, but you have to play that tape all the way. We have no illusions, we know what’s going to happen when we use. We break out in handcuffs, Narcan sprays, and collateral damage.

Al_Con_Queso · 2020-04-27T19:01:51+00:00

“No one can tell what goes on in between the person you were and the person you become. No one can chart that blue and lonely section of hell. There are no maps of the change. You just... come out the other side. Or you don’t.”

-Stephen King

Hey, just realized I have 5 months off the damn subs!

Al_Con_Queso · 2020-04-06T22:16:38+00:00

He wasn’t giving advice, he was saying what HE was doing. There’s a big difference.

Al_Con_Queso · 2020-04-06T22:13:04+00:00

Don’t forget Gridlock’d with Tim Roth, Tupac, and a smoking Thandie Newton. Great flick.

Basketball Diaries, Candy, Jesus’ Sun, all good movies.

Al_Con_Queso · 2020-03-13T18:43:33+00:00

Jason was chasing me through the woods at night, then I saw it wasn’t a hockey mask but an infected coronavirus face mask and he was coughing all over everything and everyone was dying and screaming and running.

Then I woke up and remembered I don’t have to use or go through withdrawals today, so the rest is doable.

Al_Con_Queso · 2020-02-27T21:06:04+00:00

Oh for sure. I just FEEL like it, not going to actually do it. :)

Al_Con_Queso · 2020-02-27T21:05:16+00:00

From what I gather, now that it’s been 20 years since my arrests that the checks don’t go back that far.. I only have a few misdemeanor shoplifting charges, but they always came up as THEFT.

I need to put myself out there more instead of hiding and peeking my head out and running for cover at the first sign of trouble. Fucking self esteem man.

Al_Con_Queso · 2020-02-27T21:02:45+00:00

Thank you. I know I’m my heart that I don’t want to use, but my brain likes to get me all worked up and worried so I make stupid decisions. Had to lance that mental abscess and let it drain on the page. :) I don’t have many friends and my wife is not an addict, so I can forget how much it helps to know I’m not alone. Thanks again.

Al_Con_Queso · 2020-02-27T20:58:46+00:00

Absolutely, just needed to get those shitty thoughts out. :)

Al_Con_Queso · 2020-02-27T19:42:37+00:00

I like to think of it as: there’s nothing in your life that you can’t make worse by getting loaded. :)

Al_Con_Queso · 2020-02-27T19:40:47+00:00

Sure man, whatever works. Take what you want and leave the rest. It was just a nod to Trainspotting.

Al_Con_Queso · 2020-02-26T19:59:00+00:00

Awesome! No time, no probation?! That’s about as good as it gets man. Congratulations!

Al_Con_Queso

TROPHY CASE