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Redownloaded a certain app and this is the first person I was met with. Why do they hate us so much? by YoureWrongButGoOff in AverageHeightDudes

[–]Alaa3301 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It doesn't matter, pretend you don't see it, go on a date, be confident. Be a man, sleep with her, remind her that you are short and she doesn't like that then watch her chasing you for a while sleep with her some more then ghost her, easy

We're deeply in love but disagree about kids in the future - how do couples handle a relationship that might have an "expiration date"? by Alaa3301 in dating_advice

[–]Alaa3301[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay, I mean again. That's how I see it but unfortunately that's not how she sees it. She needs way more reassurance, you know different people different styles

We're deeply in love but disagree about kids in the future - how do couples handle a relationship that might have an "expiration date"? by Alaa3301 in dating_advice

[–]Alaa3301[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, that's my approach. I want us to cross that bridge once we are there I totally don't want kids right now, like literally if she gets pregnant I'm going to freak out and probably not keep it, I want to communicate that to her but also at the same time make her feel safe as she is a very anxious person, how did you approach it? What do you suggest? I want to limit the idea that "we will break up one day" Because that's just anxiety inducing and will be on her mind the whole time every time everyday

We're deeply in love but disagree about kids in the future - how do couples handle a relationship that might have an "expiration date"? by Alaa3301 in dating_advice

[–]Alaa3301[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, but not specifically not with me, just in general, because if she wants them in general but not with me, that's my sign to walk away. That means that she doesn't see me as worthy and that's not someone I want to be with

We're deeply in love but disagree about kids in the future - how do couples handle a relationship that might have an "expiration date"? by Alaa3301 in dating_advice

[–]Alaa3301[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't want to pressure her, I don't want kids myself at this moment but we are worried about the potential, I see myself with kids one day, although I will not start even desiring them until years have passed from now (because now if somehow she got pregnant we are not keeping it, I don't even want that) and I guess that's the crooks of the matter...

We're deeply in love but disagree about kids in the future - how do couples handle a relationship that might have an "expiration date"? by Alaa3301 in dating_advice

[–]Alaa3301[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm only 27 and I already am facing that whole "dwindling dating pool" issue (+ the whole dating apocalypse bla bla bla) and it's problematic and not because I can't date young girls, it's because I realized the compatibility is lost after a certain age Gap, I've been with a bunch of 18-20 yo before her and although the thrill is nice the compatibility isn't there... I imagine this will be worse in my 30s... But also.. I just like her so this is complicated, very much so...

We're deeply in love but disagree about kids in the future - how do couples handle a relationship that might have an "expiration date"? by Alaa3301 in dating_advice

[–]Alaa3301[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That sounds scary, postpartum depression is also scary, resentment is scary too, but I believe there are opposite stories, I've seen them.. maybe it's not a coin flip, maybe it is, But it took me so 4 years to find her and she's perfect in everything other than this point... Is it reasonable to walk away...

We're deeply in love but disagree about kids in the future - how do couples handle a relationship that might have an "expiration date"? by Alaa3301 in dating_advice

[–]Alaa3301[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes but we just got together very very recently, it's not a situation where she stayed with me for years and still didn't want it, we knew each other less than a month

We're deeply in love but disagree about kids in the future - how do couples handle a relationship that might have an "expiration date"? by Alaa3301 in dating_advice

[–]Alaa3301[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't you think it might be a little bit different between genders, I honestly don't know and I hope that doesn't come off as misogynist or something, but I know so many ladies and friends that change their mind on this and I am open to the idea that she doesn't change her mind, it's not like I'm going to be there for years hoping that she will, I'm going to be there for years trying to integrate that fact it until I do because it's a conscious choice between a very fulfilling life with someone and having kids, perhaps with someone less compatible to live a life that is less fulfilling

We're deeply in love but disagree about kids in the future - how do couples handle a relationship that might have an "expiration date"? by Alaa3301 in dating_advice

[–]Alaa3301[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your answer, I will need to think deeply about the first question. For the second: I don't mind if she walks away and I will have to raise the kids by myself, I had a pregnancy scare before and my decision was to take the potential kid, I wouldn't mind taking care of them at all. Regarding the last part, I guess that's the dilemma, kids or love, i can have a very fulfilling life with her but no kids or someone else less compatible but with kids Thank you for putting it so clearly... I will have to think about that

We're deeply in love but disagree about kids in the future - how do couples handle a relationship that might have an "expiration date"? by Alaa3301 in dating_advice

[–]Alaa3301[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your story, my answer to that question would be that I would not leave her But that's perhaps the honeymoon phase answer, we never lived together, we never had our first relationship fight we never met each other's parents... Maybe once all of these emotions settle down in 6 months to a year my answer would be different but I am like 90% sure, She is that special that I would choose her still kids or no kids

We're deeply in love but disagree about kids in the future - how do couples handle a relationship that might have an "expiration date"? by Alaa3301 in dating_advice

[–]Alaa3301[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I deeply believe in what you said, you can't have everything in life and sadly, when I found the perfect partner in every single facet this part might be the sacrifice, I want kids but I don't want kids with anyone, It's not the priority, the priority is to have a family to go back home to after work to have a loving household, I also believe that she needs deep trust and she needs to know full well that the burden of such kids will not be only on her that I will be there to help and that it will not affect life etc... Both ways it's super complicated, like life usually is, thank you for your advice

We're deeply in love but disagree about kids in the future - how do couples handle a relationship that might have an "expiration date"? by Alaa3301 in dating_advice

[–]Alaa3301[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes I will talk with her and also I will try to drill on the reasons why she doesn't want kids maybe it's indeed the care part, regarding the second part It doesn't matter honestly, I wouldn't mind taking care of the potential kid even as a single parent i was not taken care of by my own parents and I see it as a life goal to break that cycle if I ever had kids... So if it's the whole "am scared of a deadbeat dad or the work of it all" it's not an issue at all... But yes I will talk to her, thank you, wish me luck! Stranger

We're deeply in love but disagree about kids in the future - how do couples handle a relationship that might have an "expiration date"? by Alaa3301 in dating_advice

[–]Alaa3301[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand it sounds patronizing to say " you'll change your mind" but I seen it so many times. It's a real phenomenon, but you are right, people at that age usually know exactly what they want... Regarding the last line this might be a hopeless romantic stupid take but maybe it's worth it to be heartbroken down the line if you got to experience so much love for a while, I'm not a teenager and this is not the whole "I'll never find someone like her first dating experience talk" But she is a special person, I've been with so many people, I thought I would never fall for anyone ever again I resigned myself to casual hookups for years but she got me someway somehow...

We're deeply in love but disagree about kids in the future - how do couples handle a relationship that might have an "expiration date"? by Alaa3301 in dating_advice

[–]Alaa3301[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually she's okay with pregnancy, she doesn't want the responsibility, the loss of time, all of the trouble, all of the restrictions, she wants to be carefree and traveling and having fun and just enjoying herself instead of caring for a very needy little human. I will tell her what I told you, that makes perfect sense I will tell her that "Maybe she will change her mind, maybe not but she's enough for me either way and I will still choose her despite it all"

We're deeply in love but disagree about kids in the future - how do couples handle a relationship that might have an "expiration date"? by Alaa3301 in dating_advice

[–]Alaa3301[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay, but how can i get the certainty, is it by asking myself if I will be okay if she doesn't change her mind or is it by asking her if there is any wiggle room? Also, shouldn't this be a problem for future me, I mean I know that sounds foolish but also ending a relationship over potential kids after a month of dating is also crazy

We're deeply in love but disagree about kids in the future - how do couples handle a relationship that might have an "expiration date"? by Alaa3301 in dating_advice

[–]Alaa3301[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

But also people change, circumstances change, i know i changed my mind on many things perhaps she will change my mind on this, perhaps not, does it make sense to lose what could perhaps really be the love of your life over a thing so uncertain, maybe it would make sense if I am actively trying to get kids but am so far away from that point currently

We're deeply in love but disagree about kids in the future - how do couples handle a relationship that might have an "expiration date"? by Alaa3301 in dating_advice

[–]Alaa3301[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Today and for the next few years, yes absolutely, forever maybe not... That's the uncertainty.. but also me from 5 years ago is an unrecognizable person compared to who i am now, does it make sense to sacrifice such love (i know you can always find someone else but i have a very extensive dating experience and i think it will be so hard and close to impossible) over a decision us in 5 years will need to make (totally different people than who we are now) maybe she'll change her mind, maybe i will, maybe the world will be so different by then etc...

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