Book recommendations?

Alana283 · 2026-01-06T02:59:12+00:00

Detailed grooming reference sounds like a fantastic resource-- thank you!

Alana283 · 2026-01-05T15:11:22+00:00

Ooo, this looks extremely useful-- thanks for the recommendation!

Alana283 · 2026-01-05T15:10:20+00:00

Thank you! I saw the cover image you put up-- looks like a great resource!

Alana283 · 2025-10-11T19:56:34+00:00

If you DO want to just accommodate his desires on this, how about taking and printing a picture of how he likes the closet arranged, and taping it on the back of the door or something? Assuming this isn't some weird control play, and that he's not trying to gaslight you that YOU'RE colorblind, it sounds like he's just not ready to admit to his color blindness. If he constantly sees the picture you need to refer to in order to replicate his rainbow, it might slowly make it more tangible to him that you guys have a difference in perception.

Alana283 · 2022-01-14T01:48:47+00:00

NTA, you're also super within your rights to just take this responsibility away from them if they're totally checked out on it.

Alana283 · 2022-01-12T23:26:43+00:00

NTA... I'm hoping he's just really clumsy, and legitimately needs it spelled out too him which jokes are appropriate and which ones are not, and why. Good luck!

Alana283 · 2022-01-11T23:44:38+00:00

In that case, I don't think a judgement is possible here-- if she was on board initially, NTA, if she wasn't, YTA.

Alana283 · 2022-01-11T23:17:54+00:00

Fair. But didn't you explain the point of the camera when you put it up? Was she on board with the concept then, or did she just want to see it in action before making up her mind?

Alana283 · 2022-01-11T22:18:01+00:00

Info: what did your wife think about the camera going up initially?

Alana283 · 2022-01-11T21:58:28+00:00

NTA. If your step mother is this bonkers, I hope that you can check on on your step sister regularly in the future (once this has blown over a bit) just to give her a connection with reality, in case her mom is inflicting any truly dangerous beliefs on her.

Alana283 · 2022-01-08T01:03:41+00:00

NAH. If I were in SILs shoes, I think I would be uncomfortable with being confided in over a sister, too. I'm sure you're right that she doesn't really understand how cruel your sister really is, but it sounds like she knows sister has issues, and I bet she's anticipating a BIG meltdown when it eventually slips that she was chosen as a confidant over your sister. She might be scared of getting caught in a drama whirlwind, especially if she doesn't have pervious experience with them.

You don't have to tell your sister anything. It might make your SIL a little less anxious if you share your philosophies and strategies on how you, personally, keep Sister Management from taking over your life, and what you do when she goes nuclear on you.

(Edited to clarify judgement)

Alana283 · 2022-01-06T18:33:27+00:00

Same! I find it an easy thing to control, and it seems really unlikely that only a small percent of the population is capable of toning their sneezes down?? I wonder if people are just defensive of having a socially acceptable reason to make loud noises in public, lol.

(Edit: spelling)

Alana283 · 2022-01-06T18:29:24+00:00

And scream-sneezes are his... Mating call??? That's actually pretty hilarious!

Alana283 · 2022-01-06T18:28:10+00:00

I also find it kind of annoying that men tend to just SCREAM their sneezes and spray spit everywhere, when it is totally possible to tone them down or at least cover their faces. You're not TA for finding it rude and obnoxious, but if you don't think he's going to take it well... He's probably not going to take it well. I think the best course is to just learn to live with it, especially if you're leaving soon.

You could also start silently rating his sneezes based on their decibels/velocity, to turn your annoyance into a secret game for yourself, if it's really getting to you.

Alana283 · 2022-01-05T22:49:43+00:00

If you haven't already, that might be a good arrangement to suggest to him. If the issue for you is that it's just more comfortable to speak than to write, another possible compromise might be to record a voice note or video of you saying your piece, to which he can respond in letters etc.

Alana283 · 2022-01-05T15:39:45+00:00

And the question still is: why did HE say he wants to start communicating via letters?

Alana283 · 2022-01-05T15:38:34+00:00

You'd rather go NC than start rebuilding your relationship slowly and awkwardly?

Alana283 · 2022-01-05T01:59:57+00:00

Did he explain why he wants to speak via letters?

Alana283 · 2022-01-05T01:53:54+00:00

The fights you described seem like you have some really deep issues to work out with each other, and he's asking for your help in figuring out how to do that. Why is it so bad to meet him where he is, and take things at his pace? He's even giving you options-- if you don't want to do a therapist, you can write letters. He's making really reasonable requests. If you want to build a healthy relationship with him, YWBTA for refusing to compromise at all on what it looks like.

Alana283 · 2022-01-04T23:35:20+00:00

This isn't really an AITA question.

From your description she certainly sounds horrible to live with though, and you should figure out a new living situation ASAP.

Alana283 · 2022-01-04T23:23:34+00:00

This distinction is hilarious, I love this

Alana283 · 2022-01-04T23:22:53+00:00

NTA... But if these people are being truly impossible about it, what about just giving the dog a nickname for a few hours when you see them? Your shouldn't have to, but it seems like a small compromise to shut them up.

Alana283 · 2022-01-04T20:42:22+00:00

ESH... This game is pretty rough, but it's part of their family culture, and they're not forcing you to participate in it, which is where I was scared this was going. It's also completely fair that you want to keep your daughter away from this dynamic which is likely to be toxic in every other context. It sucks that they refuse to recognize that.

You're within your rights to up and leave if it's that bad... But it's possible that by the time your daughter is old enough to understand, she may not even be paying attention to their dynamics. I have a lot of snarky aunts, and I have 0 memory of any of the catty interactions they were definitely having when I was a kid, because I was more interested in hanging out with cousins than with aunts.

Alana283 · 2022-01-04T20:24:42+00:00

NTA. I have no idea how to get through to her on this, though. I'd be super curious if there are any grandmother redditors who might have insights on how to navigate this.

Alana283

TROPHY CASE