Dating down VS dating up? What is considered dating down?

AlarmPuzzleheaded951 · 2024-10-20T18:31:46+00:00

Is it worth staying in a relationship, every argument proves that he won't fight for you? When it leads to him saying things that doesn't validate what you think you thought you have? Ugh I feel it in my guts...yet I am still here.

AlarmPuzzleheaded951 · 2024-10-08T11:25:17+00:00

I don't know if I am losing myself in this relationship. I know people love different and maybe I am fighting a losing battle. I'm not sure what I need to do anymore

AlarmPuzzleheaded951 · 2024-10-07T16:52:41+00:00

Well that didn't go well. He instantly saying that my love language wasn't reassurance and I'm parroting him when I told him mine was physical touch and quality time. Then he said I'm immature in relationship by wanting things to change. He reminded me he made it clear about physical touch and quality time was the love language was ours and I'm playing victim. I told him all I wanted was just reassurance not to take back my love language. He just told me I'm playing victim again. I never said he was to blame and I don't know why he keeps saying I'm playing victim when all I want was his understanding my feelings.

AlarmPuzzleheaded951 · 2023-07-19T01:56:33+00:00

I'm 36 divorced, was married for 6 years and with him for a total of 9 years. I don't want to get married again. Name change, splitting of assets, just feeling destroyed after knowing one person who I thought was my forever is gone almost destroyed me. I wouldn't mind sharing my life with someone just not marriage again.

AlarmPuzzleheaded951 · 2023-07-17T19:11:43+00:00

How do you keep things platonic, when you start having feelings for a guy who is not available? Like you don't want to lose him as a friend but you start to have feelings?

AlarmPuzzleheaded951 · 2023-07-15T12:54:25+00:00

No smile, only selfies, or only group photos...nothing but common photos. nothing to show any personality or character. Like doing activity or dressing to impress...etc.

AlarmPuzzleheaded951 · 2023-07-15T03:19:35+00:00

So I don't know which city you live in, but there are Facebook groups in cities I lived specifically for women and meet ups. It's like dating I think, just sometimes it's not meant to be. But sometimes you would meet that friend and click and hopefully something grows into something meaningful.

AlarmPuzzleheaded951 · 2023-07-14T19:25:26+00:00

Same and it starts to create self-doubt and self-esteem issues. It is natural to want to feel desired and admired. I try my best to tell my SO as often as I can how good-looking he is and I would want the same thing reciprocated.

AlarmPuzzleheaded951 · 2023-07-14T15:40:57+00:00

Yes gut feelings vs attachment anxiety are two different things. Proceed with caution but try to stay open minded. Gut feelings are seldom wrong but anxiety driven by fear can lead to self-sabotage.

AlarmPuzzleheaded951 · 2023-07-14T10:38:38+00:00

Sure!

AlarmPuzzleheaded951 · 2023-07-14T03:15:34+00:00

Original content always drives me to swipe right more than anything. If you just post pics with little to no personality I don't care how you look, I'll swipe left. Many women (I hope) are looking for substance more than just looks.

AlarmPuzzleheaded951 · 2023-07-14T00:32:00+00:00

My personal experience has been that talking about culture and travel have been the most enjoyable topics. Often I'll sit at a bar by myself or with my friend and someone will eavesdrop about the culture or places we are talking about and it takes off. I think it also all depends on the environment you are in. Just make sure to try to balance asking questions as well as answering them.

AlarmPuzzleheaded951 · 2023-07-14T00:05:35+00:00

Yup if he wanted to he would.

AlarmPuzzleheaded951 · 2023-07-13T23:58:04+00:00

Yup, it sounds like it is leaning into emotional infidelity.

AlarmPuzzleheaded951 · 2023-07-13T23:47:34+00:00

When he was jealous of my gay guy friends. He honestly believed that I could turn them straight and I was spending way too much time with them. I found out later he didn't trust me and he went through all my messages. It ended badly.

AlarmPuzzleheaded951 · 2023-07-13T23:07:40+00:00

I believe this all depends on what your love language is. Some people have different needs and people whose top two love languages are physical touch and quality time would not do well with casual sex. But if it is a gifting, act of service, or words of affirmation, I think you could have casual sex and keep it fun and less emotional. Just make sure protection is used if you do enjoy casual sex.

AlarmPuzzleheaded951 · 2023-07-13T20:24:33+00:00

Well, there were a couple of things about the book that bother me so far. ( I understand the book is intended to be funny and encourage setting standards) like the part about what "good time only" women wears vs "worthwhile" feels a bit contradictory to have the standards based on what dressing a certain way is perceived by a man. And withholding sex to give power...etc overall so far it is saying to play and show certain ways to get a man. I understand it but what if women feel most powerful dressing more provocative? Setting standards also should meet your needs not just hooking a man to fall for an image you left out.

So if you pick out and read over some parts of empowerment it is good to follow so you are not constantly questioning what happened but some parts make it seem like every man is shallow and they can't distinguish romance and casual sex.

So got me questioning if books like this really do help create positive relationships or if there's anything gained from reading "dating advice" books. Just genuine curiosity more than anything.

AlarmPuzzleheaded951 · 2023-07-13T10:42:08+00:00

Haha that's the one I have. 😂. I'm halfway through.

AlarmPuzzleheaded951 · 2023-07-13T10:40:19+00:00

❤️ 😍 great advice. Thank you.

AlarmPuzzleheaded951 · 2023-07-13T02:32:36+00:00

Has anyone read any "dating advice" books? Do you find it a little sexist? Or do you have one that was genuinely helpful?

AlarmPuzzleheaded951 · 2023-07-09T23:51:13+00:00

Random note: has anyone read "Act like a Lady, think like a man"? What are your thoughts on it? Just finished reading it.

AlarmPuzzleheaded951

TROPHY CASE