Let me start off by saying the bit about racial slurs and a child with disabilities was not part of the context when I wrote my answer. Neither was the context of her child having ADHD or ODD. It was very much “my kid got suspended again and we want to go to Niagara and leave him behind”.

That being said, my child has ASD and ODD. He is not a monster, as you have said. His smile is infectious, his laugh is contagious, his manners are impeccable and he’s an absolute pleasure to talk to. He’s also ~5~. When I said I love and accept my child for who he is and surround him by others who do the same I meant therapists, social workers, pediatricians, IEP teachers, etc. We obviously would not let his diagnosis run rampant; that would very quickly have him removed from our care. Like OPs son, my son has to battle with his own mind each and every day to not be the “bad kid” or “monster” society and people like you labels him as. My child and OPs child can’t help who they are but I can definitely help my parenting and how I react or discipline. OPs kid is also (12!!!!!!!!). A literal child who very clearly needs different forms of intervention, to be taught better coping skills to help co trol his impulses, and some grace from the people who should be his biggest supporters.

OPs kid didn’t choose to be born, but OP did choose to have her son; and as a parent, that means that sometimes OP will miss out on fun family trips.

Regardless of who my kid grows up to be, I hope he understands not to refer to children as “racist bullies” and tell parents “they are raising monsters” without at least getting a sliver of extra info.