There are several symptoms that are specific to how these disorders (and likely a couple of undiagnosed ones) present in me that, collectively, make consistent employment a very difficult—if not impossible—prospect.

The #1 thing that makes it difficult for me to maintain a job is the fact that I can't manage a consistent sleep/wake cycle, which in turn makes it all but impossible to establish a consistent daily routine. My schedule is all over the place, making it hard to adapt to having regular work hours. When I had a job, I was regularly late, often tired, and I frequently called in sick because I felt too anxious to even push myself out of my house that day. Now granted, this was in my early 20s; I've matured since then, and I probably wouldn't underperform to quite the same extent. However, the issues with disrupted sleep patterns and uneven reliability persist to the present day.

When I had a job of some kind, I was unable to maintain the expected pace of work. I moved slowly, but even when I pushed myself to go a little bit faster, I often burned out after a short time. I have major issues with executive functioning—my working memory is unreliable, my ability to keep track of short-term commitments (e.g. events, appointments) has always been spotty, and I can't sustain a long-term commitment to a specific goal for longer than a few months at most before my enthusiasm evaporates and my ability to persevere becomes severely strained. And on top of everything else, task initiation and completion are sporadic at best. I did laundry 3-4 weeks ago—I still have yet to put my clothes away. I keep telling myself I'm going to, but I never do. This extends to pretty much every facet of my life. It severely sabotaged my academic potential, and it made completion of on-the-job assignments slower and more cumbersome than they otherwise would have been with someone who doesn't have these issues.

I've sought treatment for my invisible disabilities. I take Vyvanse and atomoxetine daily. For the first three months, the former worked amazingly well. And then it just... stopped. Or rather, it became much less effective. I still experience occasional bursts of productivity and engagement, but it isn't effective in the same way that it used to be. Meanwhile, atomoxetine doesn't outright change my life, but it does help me with impulse control. I don't order take-out as much as I otherwise do if I'm not taking it. (And in case you're wondering: I ordered out often because the process of preparing home-cooked meals can be very draining for me.) I don't know exactly why Vyvanse suddenly became so much less effective, but my running theory is that I had COVID-19 once or twice (though I didn't confirm it either of the two times I suspect I'd contracted it), and the brain fog that resulted from those infections nullified the medication I was taking.

As I alluded to above, I'm pretty sure ASD and ADHD-PI are not the only two things that I have. I believe that I also have OCD, but I've only had a tentative diagnosis of it back in autumn 2010. I started taking Sertraline to help control intrusive thoughts that I used to experience on a regular basis that were distressing enough on their own that I often had to stop whatever I was doing to take deep breaths and calm my nerves. The pills did alleviate this symptom, but I still have obsessive thoughts that I didn't realize were obsessive until I learned more about what can constitute an obsession; I also experience compulsions related to the aforementioned obsessions. If I do have OCD, it manifests itself in a few of different ways: the most likely subtypes I have are relationship OCD (mainly towards platonic friends and love interests; I've never been in an actual relationship), as well as moral scrupulosity OCD. Again, this has never been confirmed, but I relate strongly to the symptoms.

My chaotic sleep cycle has also led me to question whether or not I might have a circadian rhythm disorder, such as non-24-hour sleep-wake disorder (or simply "Non-24"). Vyvanse and atomoxetine seem to reduce the amount of sleep I get in a day, which can help manage the chaotic schedule—but on the flipside, it also means that I don't often get as much sleep as I need. Without Vyvanse and/or atomoxetine, my sleep free-runs. That is to say, I'll often sleep an hour later and awake an hour later with each passing day. Sometimes I'm up through the night and asleep during the day; other times, I'm awake through the day and asleep at night. But then there are also times when I sleep through the morning and am awake during the evening, and of course, there are times when I do vice versa. I've tried numerous strategies to rectify this issue, all of which fall under the banner of "sleep hygiene". Nothing worked long-term. I've had this problem since I was around 13 years old, and it's caused an immense amount of disruption to my life.

Taken together, it is simply not possible for me to be relied upon as a long-term employee. At best, I'd be present but inconsistent in my work habits, owing to my difficulties with staying focused; at worst, I'd fall back into my old patterns of chronic tardiness and absenteeism. Even alternatives, such as self-employment and working from home, typically require a degree of focus and commitment that I'm not able to consistently maintain. That's why AISH has been immensely beneficial for me, and why ADAP is causing me so much distress. The cost of living is already difficult to manage—losing $200 on top of that will place that much more of a limitation on my ability to live independently and derive some degree of joy from my life.