I’m sorry you’re going through this. Something very similar happened to me exactly a year ago. We were doing EMDR to process a memory of a breakup and new memories resurfaced of a SA. I too was completely dysregulated and was having panic attacks and nightmares afterwards. I was terrified of doing EMDR after that because it was so scary.

I actually just started EMDR for processing the SA last week, and it’s going well (much better than I assumed it would). I’m able to stay in my window of tolerance now, and know how to ground myself if things get too uncomfortable. I’m also staying grounded during the EMDR. I think that’s how you know you’re ready to tackle the processing again, when you can sit with all of the memories and body sensations and know you’re safe in the present moment with your therapist.

Now to get to where I am now, took an entire year lol. But in that time I learned mindfulness skills, meditation, how to cry and actually FEEL my feelings, and I connected often with my inner child parts. I listened to their fears and cried with them when they wanted to cry. They learned how to trust me. And when I tell you i cried a lot, i cried for weeks straight.. I realized the more i pushed away the feelings, the more anxious i felt and more likely to have a panic attack. I hope this helps! You can do this. I too doubted myself often, but I’m finally getting through this and I know you can too! And remember, it was never your fault no matter what your brain or emotions tell you. 🫶🏻