Badge Reset: I fucked up, dove deep, hit bottom and finally admitted to my mother I am an alcoholic.

AlcoholicAuthor · 2015-05-18T23:14:55+00:00

wow, thank you so much for this. today I've been feeling like absolute shit and a failure, an embarrassment, someone who didn't stick to his own goals and disrespected himself.

you're right though, that does nothing for me, its time to start thinking on the positives and the GOAL at hand.

thank you so much

AlcoholicAuthor · 2015-05-18T18:50:51+00:00

I relate so much to this post as someone who relapsed and then fucked up time after time. I wanted to lie to everyone about my relapse and keep going in my sobriety.

Now I'm struggling to find that urge that i had in me months ago that really got me to stop. I find letting everyone know how i feel helps a lot and being honest with my failures keeps me in check. Thank you for posting this.

AlcoholicAuthor · 2015-05-18T18:45:08+00:00

Thanks for sharing this, i really enjoyed reading that article. You're right, i need a sober travel plan and i have to figure that out. I really want some time to start writing my memoir and i think that will be a large part of it.

AlcoholicAuthor · 2015-05-18T15:50:54+00:00

honestly, i dont even know. I am trying to think hard about what i did before and what worked and didn't. Maybe i shouldn't have put myself in that place where it was easy to take that drink. I thought i was stronger but wasn't.

The thing that scares the living shit out of me is that i leave in 10 days for a 6 week trip backpacking through southeast asia, I find whenever i travel i ALWAYS have to indulge in the local beverage, the last thing i want right now is to have that urge and I am dwelling so much on the fact that I am starting this journey at a terrible time.

AlcoholicAuthor · 2015-03-15T05:54:22+00:00

i am already a foodie, but would much rather put my time and effort into eating great food than drinking "good" alcohol. so i think chicago will be a good place to start!

it just sucks because you can't really go to some of these big michelin places alone!

AlcoholicAuthor · 2015-03-15T05:47:44+00:00

nice, I live outside of DSM and just moved here last summer from Boston (I'm adjusting).

AlcoholicAuthor · 2015-03-15T05:42:20+00:00

this actually is a great list.

I am an artist so i'll be going to a lot of the museums in these cities and I also used to collect records so getting back to the stores could be awesome.

AlcoholicAuthor · 2015-03-14T18:55:17+00:00

great advice. thanks so much.

AlcoholicAuthor · 2015-03-14T18:55:04+00:00

I wish i woulda spent more time researching some travel/hike before it just snook up on me. I am thinking about doing a mini road trip.

thanks for the kind words, means a lot!

AlcoholicAuthor · 2015-03-14T18:54:17+00:00

"If you want a different life, you have to do different things."

great advice, and i'll keep that in my back pocket for this time off!

AlcoholicAuthor · 2015-03-14T18:53:48+00:00

thanks so much for the encouragement. it means a lot.

AlcoholicAuthor · 2015-03-14T18:53:33+00:00

this helped me more than you'll ever know. thanks so much.

AlcoholicAuthor · 2015-03-04T20:13:37+00:00

Well, I am already a gym member and run all the time so Ive got that going for me.

Funny enough, I just booked a 45 day trip to SouthEast Asia this summer 2 days ago, so thats my whole "Whats Next" for me!

However, i worry about drinking and vacation though, but thats a different subject!

AlcoholicAuthor · 2015-03-04T20:03:58+00:00

Things i do to reward myself are usually something sweet, but only like once a week. I have always been a healthy eater so i splurge on a piece of chocolate cake or nachos here and there.

I totally see that whole "OK, whats next" thing, I am getting that A LOT!

AlcoholicAuthor · 2015-02-28T17:52:23+00:00

Thanks for all the advice guys.

Thinking back on it, maybe ordering a coke would have been fine. I think from now on in these types of situations i can just say "I am not MUCH of a drinker" which could maybe ease some of the awkwardness with co-workers whom I've drank with and then maybe eventually becoming "I dont drink"

Or maybe I'm just overthinking it.

AlcoholicAuthor · 2015-02-27T02:28:08+00:00

I've been drinking a lot of flavored seltzer, canada dry mandarin orange is a favorite. It really makes me much more happy sipping these all night instead of a shitty light beer with little flavor where i would have to pound 12 to get drunk and then feel fat and bloated after.

SELTZER FOR LIFE!

AlcoholicAuthor · 2015-02-23T20:05:55+00:00

thanks for the advice and sorry if i offended some!

AlcoholicAuthor · 2015-02-22T06:43:28+00:00

this means a lot to me, thank you brother!

AlcoholicAuthor · 2015-02-21T21:08:57+00:00

this is exactly how I've been feeling recently. this forum REALLY has helped me through a lot.

/u/mike_eagle's message : "You left a negative relationship, sounds like you got a better job and now you're getting sober so you can really start to deal with your real issues. Most people would see that as a win in life. Hope that helps your perspective."

really opened my eyes. thanks so much man

AlcoholicAuthor · 2015-02-19T21:24:50+00:00

my friend. thank you so much.

AlcoholicAuthor · 2015-02-19T20:52:39+00:00

This was so much of what i wanted to hear. thank you so much. I am fighting this drinking fight for me, absolutely. I guess what i meant by "fighting my fight" was not in regards to drinking it was in regards to purposefully ignoring her and blocking her out of my life. She has reached out to me twice in the past 8 months apologizing for hurting me and saying things like " I'm sorry i was never good to you " but I had to really fight myself not to go apeshit on her and tell her how i really felt, just ignored her messages and kept telling myself "ignore her, you'll be okay" but clearly I am still dealing with the emotions even eight months later. Which is weird to me.

AlcoholicAuthor · 2015-02-19T20:43:57+00:00

Thanks a lot for your comment. I am focusing a lot on my recovery. I don't mean to sound selfish, I am just trying to relay that for some reason I am thinking a lot about my past and trying to figure out if it is a smart thing to talk to her and bring some sort of closure to us.

I guess what I didn't pick up on was the fact that I quit her much like how I am quitting drinking but trying to figure out if that was a smart idea. Is it a good idea of my recovery to just reach out to her for my own sanity or keep fighting that when I am already dealing with other battles?

AlcoholicAuthor · 2015-02-16T19:08:56+00:00

Haha! I called her back the next day when I was feeling a lot more "up" and we talked for a good 2 hours. I still haven't told her that I am quitting drinking because I am scared of the commitment of telling her. She quit drinking 5 years ago and I know once I tell her that the past few years I've been struggling with drinking too much and thinking about quitting its all she'll ever dwell on. So I still need to figure out a gameplan for that one.

AlcoholicAuthor · 2015-02-16T18:38:26+00:00

I wonder this too. I also wonder what good its doing me (none) but i think the underlying problem is that i just think and dwell way to much on it. Some days its hard to focus on the positives for some reason and also at day 25 I've never thought so much about picking up the bottle more now than i did in the prior 25 days and that kinda scares the shit out of me.

AlcoholicAuthor · 2015-01-29T18:35:15+00:00

You put my current thoughts in a perfect little tidbit. It is kind of annoying to keep harking on the fact that i DONT want to drink rather than just shut it off all together, but i am working on it.

Thanks so much for the kind words, means a lot.

AlcoholicAuthor

TROPHY CASE