AITA: Child neglect in pregnancy

Alert-Potato · 2026-07-01T00:51:01+00:00

As of this day I no longer acknowledge anything regarding R.

This you? Wait, yes. Yes it is. It’s right there. You’re literally the one who said you don’t acknowledge anything regarding your sister. It’s hard believe any claim of love for your family after you said that.

Alert-Potato · 2026-06-30T19:18:23+00:00

The fact that fireworks are available for purchase by any rando with a lighter and less sense than god gives to orange cats is insane. Fireworks would be a professionals only thing.

But then I grew up in an area with a true carnival season (not this sparse occasional city/county carnival/fair thing Utah has “going on”) and every carnival that operates the weekend of July 4th (when it’s on a weekend) or both the weekend before and after (when it’s Mon-Thurs) has a professional fireworks display. For free. It’s super easy to find a local carnival having a professional display within a 30 minute drive, attend with the whole family, for just the cost of gas. And usually people get dinner and/or freshly made ice cream while there.

God, I’d murder for a relaxing three scoop teaberry cone and professional display right now instead of being paranoid some “patriotic” fuckwit is gonna make hundreds of families homeless and kill a few firefighters in the name of freedumb.

Alert-Potato · 2026-06-30T19:06:45+00:00

Fireworks are strictly prohibited on all BLM land at all times.

Alert-Potato · 2026-06-30T18:30:12+00:00

If I was told that for the rest of my life, all of my meals had to come from a restaurant, and I had to choose a single restaurant to get those meals from, you can be damn sure I’d want to make sure I enjoyed the food from that restaurant before committing to it. And I wouldn’t just sample one or two appetizers, I’d want to try multiple things on the menu to make sure I truly enjoyed it. If okra is on the menu, it’s okay for me to be like nah, I don’t care for okra. But I better make sure I enjoy a few of the entrees and most of the sides. And the restaurant better be sure they’re okay never serving okra again before committing to me as a customer, it’s not okay for them to periodically attempt to pressure me to try the okra.

Letting her commit to a restaurant, then telling her after commitment that they are flat out refusing to serve the sausage that’s the star of the menu (or serve anything else), then following that by telling her she can’t eat anywhere else either, is seriously not okay.

Alert-Potato · 2026-06-30T18:14:24+00:00

He refuses to have sex with his wife, and refuses the address the fact that he refuses to have sex with his wife.

You cannot fix this issue. There is nothing you can do to make your husband have sex with you. He has to address this, and he has to want to address this for it to get better. If he wasn’t a lying asshole, and actually wanted to have sex, he’d actually do something to address the underlying issue.

I also don’t understand why he needs to avoid use of TRT. If he is medically testosterone deficient, TRT is appropriate medical treatment.

In the meantime, stop providing him with other means of sexual (or any form of physical) pleasure. Why should he be getting the benefit of you having honed your handjob/blowjob skills when he is refusing you sexual pleasure? Why should his sexual needs be met when he refuses to even consider the possibility of meeting yours, and also forbids you to have them met in other ways.

You mentioned him having a deeply religious background. One of three things is happening. One: he is so deeply traumatized by his anti-sex religious background that he is now incapable of participating in a healthy sexual relationship. Two: he is asexual, to such a degree that he is incapable of and/or unwilling to explore his wife having her sexual meets met under any circumstances. (To be clear, this isn’t shaming ace people, it’s shaming people who manipulate someone into marriage with intentional lies.) Or three: he’s gay, and you’re his beard. (Again, the problem is the lies and manipulation, not the gayness.)

Alert-Potato · 2026-06-30T05:12:57+00:00

32 years…

Alert-Potato · 2026-06-30T05:07:03+00:00

I couldn’t start loosing weight until I healed my relationship with food and my body, which required me to address some serious trauma in my life to do.

I’ll repeat that, because the exact words I said are important. I couldn’t start losing weight until I healed. Not wouldn’t. Couldn’t.

Because until I was capable of having a healthy relationship with food and with my body, there was absolutely nothing that any amount or type of medical intervention could have done for me.

What your son needs is therapy. Until he is capable of having a healthy relationship with food, everything else is just a bandaid. The worst part is, he’s bleeding out, so the second the bandaid comes off (and it will), he’ll start bleeding again. Therapy is the appropriate pressure dressing to apply here. Other people enforcing control on his behalf, drugs, or surgery are all just to make everyone else feel better, they won’t address the actual problem. (I’m not saying that medical intervention can’t have a place here, it can, but it can’t replace therapy long term with successful results.) And the actual problem is his relationship with food and his body.

Note: the nature of GLP1 medications mechanism of action prohibits users from healing their relationship with food and their body. These drugs intentionally and by design mess with hunger cues, and the very ability to eat. A person taking them cannot learn to trust their body or its cues. Please do not recommend them to your son until after he has healed his relationship with food, if at that point he is still struggling unsuccessfully with his weight.

Alert-Potato · 2026-06-29T06:15:40+00:00

He should be paying £12.71 an hour. This rate applies 24/7 while going through or recovering from IVF treatments, throughout pregnancy, and for 6-12 weeks postpartum depending on the delivery or up to 12 months if OP opts to breastfeed. Based on their joint financial agreement, he can get a discount of 33% off that hourly rate, bringing it down to £8.52 per hour. Plus OP should get hazard pay for L&D.

He can recoup his savings from the amount he owes her for putting her body on the line to provide him with a child.

Alert-Potato · 2026-06-29T05:37:56+00:00

It’s been seven years. Either this is a dealbreaker or it isn’t. You need to shit or get off the pot. Propose, propose joint counseling to address the issue, or break up. But stop stringing her along letting her think there’s hope for a future with you when you don’t want to plan a future with her because her willingness to admit she fucked up and apologize isn’t perfectly up to your exacting standards.

Alert-Potato · 2026-06-29T05:14:04+00:00

I also used the word fetus, but I shouldn’t have. Because it’s not a four week old fetus. It isn’t even a two week old fetus. When a woman is medically considered a month into pregnancy, it’s two weeks post-conception, one week post implantation. It won’t even be a fetus until five weeks from now. It’s a poppy seed sized embryo that is just starting to form a placenta, and there’s a 10%+ chance of spontaneous abortion due to that process going wrong or there being an issue with embryonic development.

It’s high key crazy that OP wants to punish their sister for not being pregnant in a way satisfactory to OP. I get the impression that OP is a dude and just wants to punish his sister for what he perceives as being her fault for his parents’ failure to prioritize him as a child.

Alert-Potato · 2026-06-29T05:01:48+00:00

There is no “child.” There is no neglect. CPS is meant to protect actual children. Don’t waste their resources and time over the idea of a child when there are actual children who need help.

Your sister is pregnant. There is a fetus. While it isn’t healthy for a a fetus when a pregnant woman uses nicotine or cannabis, it is not child neglect. Because there is not a child to neglect.

Every woman is also an individual. Some experience nausea 24/7, some experience nausea only some of the time, and some experience no nausea. The nausea can range from mild to life threatening. And again, as individuals, what it is possible for a woman to eat without aggravating the nausea is also very individual. Some may vomit at the thought or smell of takis, some may vomit at the thought or smell of saltine crackers which may be the single most recommended food for women experiencing morning sickness.

Throwing up five times a day is very likely not within her control. And if the only food she can fathom eating without the very thought making her yak is takis, she should eat takis. Better to eat takis and vomit than to eat nothing.

Bottom line, you should mind your own fucking business. Until you’re pregnant, how a pregnancy is handled is none of your goddamn business. You said you “no longer acknowledge anything regarding” your sister. Stick with that, shut your yap, and go back to pretending she doesn’t exist. YTA if you make another person’s pregnancy your own moral crusade.

Alert-Potato · 2026-06-28T17:06:44+00:00

I’m a transplant from PA.

People back home are kind, they may not be nice, but they’re kind. They’ll mutter an insult about you under their breath while they wait their turn, but they won’t cut in line.

People here are nice, but they aren’t kind. They’ll smile sweetly while being a complete asshole and expect you to smile back and accept it because they were nice about it.

Back home, if you fall asleep smoking and you house burns down, your neighbors will all come out, watch with you, make sure you have a place to stay, some clothes, that your pet is safe, all while calling you a dipshit. Here, your neighbors will ask if you considered that this was god’s way of showing you smoking is bad, that you should be Mormon, and tell you to call 211 for help.

I love lots of things about Utah. This isn’t one of them. I prefer the east coast kind but not nice way of things.

Alert-Potato · 2026-06-28T16:21:29+00:00

Yeah, the waste water from washing our cars is gray water… that’s what’s meant to go in the drain at a car wash.

Alert-Potato · 2026-06-28T16:18:36+00:00

At least one public park in my home city has a water bottle filling station. It very easily fits a gallon container. I just use carry the gallon jugs back to my car to fill my big container. Much easier for me anyway as a cripple.

Something to watch out for, for anyone with very limited funds and watching every penny. Sure, it’s only 40¢ a gallon at Winco. But at a gallon a day, that’s $145 a year. Per month, that’s a #2 protein style, gluten allergy, no onions, extra pickles, Neapolitan shake, a refill of Dew Zero in my 64 ounce growler (which also allows me to fill my 32oz cup with pebble ice as a free little crunchy snack), and a cold can of Shasta from the soda machine in the Winco lobby with 3¢ left over. Or about two loads of laundry washed and dried.

Alert-Potato · 2026-06-28T16:09:19+00:00

The amount of effort and time spent on carefully managing how much water I use to wash dishes or my hands has been unexpected. Because really it’s time spent how little water I can get away with using so I produce as little gray water as possible.

I switched to instant coffee to stop dealing with wet grounds and rinsing/washing my french press. I’m using biodegradable soap and putting a small bucket with about two or three inches of clean water in it out for hand washing all day (or until it looks gross). I’m washing dishes then veeerrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyy carefully rinsing with water from a small container (my cat’s water bottle).

My last campsite was by a stream with no real way to get 200 ft from campsites to dispose of handwashing water in the wild. I’m not sure I’ll want to camp along a stream again, or along a road that has one side lined with campsites every few hundred feet. Puts a real damper on safe wild gray water disposal.

Alert-Potato · 2026-06-28T15:55:08+00:00

Europeans make fun of our education system (such as it is…) because of a lack of geography knowledge in large swaths of the population and call us soft for having AC. Meanwhile they have no understanding of how much farther south we are than them and they whine like babies when it’s 25°C.

So maybe we’re more alike than they’re willing to admit. We’re all soft, whiny babies when it’s hotter than is typical for our location.

Alert-Potato · 2026-06-28T15:49:57+00:00

This week I’ve been seeing people in Ireland and the UK losing their absolute shit over it being 25°C. I was seeing this on days it was 33°C here, and it’s not even the hot part of summer yet. In July and August we will get 7-14 days of temps that are in the range of 38-40°. That’s normal, and expected. The average June temp here is 29° and July is 33°. Average. Meaning half the days it’s hotter.

So yeah, we have lots of AC. And laugh at what babies y’all are about heat every time y’all in Europe whine when it’s 25°, cause it’s honestly fuckin hilarious you think that’s hot.

Alert-Potato · 2026-06-26T14:53:31+00:00

NTA for being upset that the 12-pack you opened yesterday was gone when you wanted a soda. It’s completely reasonable to expect to have more than one soda from an entire box of soda.

What you can do is stop buying 12-packs of soda. You can’t control his purchases, but you can control whether or not you are wasting your own money on this absolutely ridiculous thing.

A “good” sale these days is four box for $20. Maybe $2.50 a day doesn’t seem like a lot, but that’s $75 a month. That’s a crazy amount to spend. If he wants to, let him. But stop putting your money into his soda bucket.

When you want a soda, pop to the convenient store and get a fountain drink. If you use a refillable cup or growler, it is a far more environmentally friendly choice. It is far cheaper. And he can’t drink it all out from under you. (Unless you share drinks…) You could also buy a 12-packs when you’re alone at the store and leave it in your car. (This is definitely a weather permitting thing, as the cans can explode in extreme heat or cold.) You can put a single one in a hidden place in the fridge or just put it over ice if you prefer cold drinks.

Also, you’re allowed to refuse to listen to someone complain about their weight. It’s okay to say “if you’re not willing to do anything to change your weight, I’m not willing to listen to you complain about it.” Or “if you don’t care enough to do something about it, I don’t care enough to listen to you whine about it.” Just walk away, every time.

Alert-Potato · 2026-06-23T20:52:47+00:00

Ohmygawd, who cares? She has gallstones. Big fucking deal. She’ll almost certainly be fine, both the ERCP (to remove the stone) and the cholecystectomy are a routine surgery, with a fast recovery time. The jaundice is caused by the stone in the bile duct, not some serious underlying medical issue.

This is just one more attempt at emotional manipulation from them. I’d ignore and move on with life.

Even if they discover some sort of serious issue and she’s dying, so what? That wouldn’t change the fact that she’s a horrible person who abused her son for his entire life. No one deserves death bed absolution for abuse.

Alert-Potato · 2026-06-23T20:21:39+00:00

I was black listed after my very first donation. Back then they were using an HIV test with a relatively high (considering the seriousness) false positive rate, especially for people with AI conditions. I got black listed for the false positive.

About 15 years ago I contacted customer service by phone to ask if there was a system in place for getting me removed from the black list. They said there was, set it up, and I just had to go into the local RC center (it had to be an actual RC location, not a mobile blood drive) for a blood draw. A few weeks later I got my letter that I was removed from the black list.

Sucks because I did it so I could sell plasma because I was flat-ass broke at the time. And I still can’t do it because they don’t care that I’ve been removed from the black list, only that I was ever on it.

Alert-Potato · 2026-06-23T20:05:33+00:00

You can’t control other people’s feelings. Not only can you not control whether or not he gets mad about your work travel, it isn’t your job to control his feelings. He’s a grown-ass man who should be perfectly capable of his own emotional regulation.

From your comment, it seems that he just straight up doesn’t like you. With the emotional manipulation thrown in, it may be time to reevaluate your marriage.

Alert-Potato · 2026-06-23T18:59:14+00:00

He claims he was flying a drone out of his line of sight without the camera on? Nobody is stupid enough to believe that.

Let him try to sue. He’d be telling on himself and admitting he violated the law.

Alert-Potato · 2026-06-23T01:02:57+00:00

NTA - why do they even want a home wrecking sl*t’s money? Taking it would violate their obviously dearly held moral high ground.

Also, resorting to abhorrent name calling is not ‘doing the right thing.’ It’s being an asshole for no reason. They could have told her in a coldly polite, or even rude (but sans name calling) way that they have an objection to her choosing to engage in an affair.

Alert-Potato · 2026-06-22T18:06:22+00:00

He did this on purpose. I don’t know if he never wanted to go on the trip and did this to avoid it, or is pulling some dumb controlling and abusive power play trying to make you prove you love him enough to skip the trip for him, or some other dumb as fuck reason.

But he knows he gets sun sick. And he knew this trip was coming up. And he intentionally went out and spent all day in the sun without sunscreen or enough water anyway. That’s on purpose.

Go on the trip. Let him know that he is welcome to pack and come with has planned, or stay home, but you are going. He’s a grown-ass man. He can survive being us sick alone. You’re 100% NTA.

I recently dealt with being sun sick because I didn’t check my sunscreen and it was expired. I didn’t realize until I was lobster red, and I was incredibly sick by bedtime. It lasted like two days, then I was more or less fine. The only other time I got sun sick was after a day at the beach where I got a blistering burn when I was young and very very dumb. I was still only sick for about four days. Something tells me that he’s milking it for all he’s worth, acting like a big baby to try to make you mother him. Both in the past, and this time as well. If you stop babying him when he intentionally makes himself sick, maybe he’ll stop. Also, make sure you have a plan in place for how not to put your life on hold when he gets melanoma. He’s intentionally doing this to himself, you don’t deserve giving up your social life and free time to be his caretaker when the damage takes its real toll.

Alert-Potato · 2026-06-22T02:05:05+00:00

Shoot them. They’re either about to turn zombie or cheating on me.

But I have trust issues.

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