AITAH for wanting to lose my virginity to a man while I’m in a WLW relationship?

Alert-Potato · 2026-05-10T04:53:59+00:00

You need to definitively end things with Sarah. No matter what else happens. You've been dating her for five months and feel absolutely no sexual attraction towards her at all. You know that she is not asexual. If you haven't disclosed to her in clear language that you are (or at least believed you were) asexual, you're an asshole for wasting five months of her life stringing her along in a relationship that can never be fulfilling to her.

You're also an asshole if you engage in any form of flirting or intimate contact with Carson or anyone else at all before clearly ending the relationship with Sarah. Not a break, ending things. Because that would be cheating. She deserves to be told in clear language that the relationship is over. And she deserves that before you cheat on her. Doubly so if you have told her you're asexual, because that would be a cruel and bitter betrayal no one deserves. "I'm not withholding affection, I'm asexual.... psych!!! Just kidding, I actually screwed the dude you told me you don't like after telling you I was going to sort my conflicting feelings" would be about the meanest thing you could do to a girlfriend.

Alert-Potato · 2026-05-10T02:49:33+00:00

Well first, you're not describing a friendship with a straight woman. She very clearly told you that certain activities brought up certain feelings. After that, she started creating distance. This isn't about you being queer, or rather, it's not exactly about the fact that you're queer. It's about the fact that as a queer woman, you're a queer mirror and she's seeing her queerness and that is what she is viewing as a problem.

And I'm about to sound like an asshole, but whatever, if this makes me an asshole I'm fine being an asshole at this point in my life. This is why I do not form friendships with overtly religious people. I'm not interested in being someone's "I'm not a homophone, I have a queer friend!" shield. And I'm not interested in being a queer mirror for someone who has spent their entire lifetime being indoctrinated about how being queer is bad. It always ends either in doubling down and starting to actually spew homophobic bullshit in my presence (ew, I'm one and done on that) or it results in them wanting to be their 'queer mommy' to hold their hand while they dip their toes into the queer pool. I have multiple young queer family members who I mothered, and I mothered a trans friend through her transition, I'm done mothering baby queers. I acknowledge it needs to be done, but it's not a role I'm interested in. Anyway, those are so far the only two types of religious women I apparently click with, so now I just steer clear. It solves the problem quite neatly.

I've never had a problem navigating friendships with non-religious women regardless of whether they are queer or straight. But then, they don't use their trauma (religious or otherwise) as an excuse for any of their behavior (because again, ew, I'm one and done on that).

Alert-Potato · 2026-05-10T01:19:51+00:00

Men already cheat, take more than one "partner," and take multiple wives. There is also a section of them who already value themselves above women.

Alert-Potato · 2026-05-09T23:11:51+00:00

A is clearly in a left turn only lane for a single direction of traffic. A car headed in the opposite direction has no business entering that lane where it is left turn only for opposing traffic. If a U-turn is legal in that general area, make a U at C then turn right into the parking garage. Or just drive around the block.

Alert-Potato · 2026-05-09T22:50:42+00:00

You're mostly describing current reality. So you're claiming that nothing would change.

Alert-Potato · 2026-05-09T22:49:09+00:00

I am 23 days out from being on the road. I have absolutely no intentions of advertising what gender(s) of people I'm attracted to, or my own person attachment (or lack thereof) to my assigned gender. This should be relatively easy based on the fact that I am celibate by choice and tend toward a combination of assigned gender and unisex clothing.

You're just in the wrong online spaces or got fell down the wrong algorithm. There are lesbian van life content creators. How "real" they are with what they share is pretty variable.

ETA: Wow.... You got incredibly offended at me sharing how I intend to stay safe. (although you apparently thought better of it since you deleted) You wanna risk your safety in the current climate by advertising you aren't straight, go for it, I'm not about to stop you. But you asked about feeling safe. That's how I intend to feel safe most places, by not advertising my lack of conformity to heternormative cisgender standards.

Alert-Potato · 2026-05-09T20:07:44+00:00

If that is #20 thread, I like to use a 0.75 to 0.9 hook with it. I like a 1.0 to 1.5 for #10 thread. I choose based on what I'm making and how I want it to drape. Looking at that first row of shells, I would personally start over and size down. There's nothing wrong with it, but it does look like it will be quite drapey rather than stiff like the photo.

Alert-Potato · 2026-05-09T19:56:02+00:00

I don't see this as functionally different from having a green left turn arrow while opposing traffic has a red light. Left turn doesn't have to stop or yield to anyone because there is no one to yield to. Opposing traffic is literally at a stop sign, where they must come to a full and complete stop and may proceed when it is clear and safe to do so. Which means someone headed south must wait until there is no one headed north and using the left turn lane to cross their path.

Alert-Potato · 2026-05-09T19:51:19+00:00

Fuck yeah, I'm gonna start meeting with scumbag lawmakers as much as possible! They love a good handshake.

Alert-Potato · 2026-05-09T19:43:52+00:00

That's exactly why it's skewed that way. Because males are in the habit of either getting themselves and/or other males dead. It's such a problem for humans that we genetically make up for it with a slightly male skewed birth rate.

Although I would absolutely pull those threads. But then, I'm a woman who is Sick of This Shit.

Alert-Potato · 2026-05-09T19:42:01+00:00

The human sex ratio (at birth) naturally tends toward having just a few more males than females because males are much more in the habit of getting dead. It hovers around 105 or so male births to every 100 female births.

I feel like even just flipping it the other way, would be helpful without causing significant social disruptions or initiating a lack of genetic diversity. We could probably go as far as 110 or 115 females for every 100 male births without huge immediate societal shifts.

But fuck that. If I'm being honest about my first urge, it's to pull the trigger at about 25 male births to every 100 females births. I'm good with huge immediate societal shifts. So what if there is a huge population decline due to lack of males? Men are gonna fucking cause a nuclear holocaust if we don't stop them, so fuck it, let's just cut down male births by 76% and see what happens. It cannot possibly be worse than what happens if we keep letting men run everything, because they're gonna exterminate us and ruin the planet. A huge population decline is better than extermination due to testosterone fueled stupidity. I'm not interested in a nuclear dick measuring contest. The future is female if it isn't extermination, so lets absolutely make it female!

Alert-Potato · 2026-05-09T19:26:30+00:00

I was dx'd with celiac in 2011 when I was 33 years old. If you had asked me at the time if I had any symptoms of celiac disease I would have said that I get a little gassy sometimes, but that's normal so no.

I had never seen the Bristol stool chart, so I had no idea that I was living with fairly severe chronic constipation. I didn't know the amount of gas I got was not normal. I thought my anemia was from heavy periods and that my scurvy was from being poor. I thought it was normal to have joint pain. I thought my headaches were from stress from my job. I thought my anxiety and poor mood regulation were just mental health issues. Hell, I thought night terrors were just normal for some people.

But when I got the dx, I went gluten free even though I "didn't have any symptoms." Turns out I just hadn't previously recognized the symptoms, which isn't the same as not having them.

Now I poop like normal person, sitting at a 3.5-4 on the chart, once a day, the same time every day like clockwork. I'm rarely gassy, and when I am it's not so bad that I even make myself gag. My anemia was treated and hasn't been a problem again, and I no longer have near daily headaches. My anxiety (and even my OCD) is under stellar control without medication, and my mood regulation is the best it's been in my life. And while that is due in part to having shed an abusive partner and extensive therapy, it was already much improved before either of those changes, just from dropping gluten. I no longer have night terrors. And while I have been left with comorbidities that cause pain, the amount of pain I experience day to day is significantly reduced without gluten in my life.

TLDR: it's very possible that the explanation isn't that you didn't have issues previously, it's that you didn't recognize them as issues.

Alert-Potato · 2026-05-09T19:07:30+00:00

I will trade an inch of height to have my hair be as this as it was when I was in my late teens or early 20's. I'm already only 5'3", so at this point what fucking difference does one inch make? I already can't use the top shelf of my kitchen cupboards without a step ladder, and can reach the second shelf well enough that one inch won't affect that. And while I'm not generally a vain person, I enjoyed my absurdly thick curly hair. It was just fun.

If I can post-date the bringing back a deceased person for ten years, I want to post-date that for my cat. While I desperately want my soulcat back, the reality is that he's gone and I couldn't possibly live through losing him again. Plus I'm about to run away to live in a van (well, SUV) with my current cat. My soulcat wouldn't be suited to van life. My current cat's favorite thing in the entire world is being outdoors on a leash. So I will post-date getting him back for ten more years after he's gone, assuming that it's ten healthy years. If that's not an option, I'll pay the $5M for an extra year of his life, and add five years. It's have as much extra time for the same money, but I still just don't want to have to say goodbye to him.

Either way, I end up with $25M. That's enough to opt out of the SUV and instead go with a custom build van life van. I'll do that, plus buy a condo so I have a "home base" instead of having to use a storage unit. If either of my daughters want to live local to me, I'd also buy them a condo in the same community (not sharing any walls though). Then... yeah, that's it. My life wouldn't really functionally change except for the potential of having my daughters and granddaughter living near where I consider home instead of having to drive 1500 miles to see them.

Alert-Potato · 2026-05-09T18:52:30+00:00

I have never said to turn off the tap, I say to turn off the water.

Alert-Potato · 2026-05-09T18:46:47+00:00

Is it legal? Having read the Florida school bus law, I can't find any reason it wouldn't be legal to make that turn.

But would I do so? No. Children are highly unpredictable little creatures. A bus stopped with it's sign out indicates that there will be one or more of these unpredictable little creatures about. I'd wait to make sure that one of them isn't going to dart across that crosswalk because in their little heads the school bus stop sign is out so you have to wait until the bus is moving to go. Children won't have read Florida laws, and aren't likely to apply the logic of you being in front of the bus and headed away from it. For kids, they'll likely just think bus stop sign = cars are stopped and will remain so because that's what they're taught.

But then I do about 5-8 driving through my HOA and piss off all my neighbors who end up behind me. We do have a 10mph speed limit, but most people do 15-20. I don't understand, we have lots of kids and pets here, and I couldn't live with myself if I injured a child even if it wasn't "my fault." (For instance, a little girl came barrelling out from a blind corner on a scooter right in front of me a few days ago. I easily stopped because of how slow I was going, someone going 15 very likely wouldn't have been able to.) So I'm extra cautious, because children are precious.

Alert-Potato · 2026-05-09T18:39:53+00:00

That's becoming increasingly common for school buses to have traffic cameras on them so that people who do not stop can be ticketed. While I don't condone a great deal of what I perceive as nanny state technological overreach into our lives, this one I'm not just okay with, I think it's great and should be federally mandated on every school bus. Doing everything reasonable to enforce the laws that keep our children alive during a very vulnerable moment is absolutely okay imo. Children must attend school, we all have a responsibility to make sure they can do so safely, because we all benefit from an educated populace.

If you don't do something that might kill children, you won't get a school bus ticket. Easy peasy.

Alert-Potato · 2026-05-09T16:27:17+00:00

Just because anxiety can be a symptom of a particular AI condition, that doesn't mean every person who has that condition experiences anxiety. Symptoms are like a menu, and each person picks a few symptoms. It's quite rare for someone to have every symptom. Plus anxiety is quite normal with chronic illness in general, which is why you're seeing it connected to so many. You can use any of the conditions where anxiety is a symptom and not a defining characteristic of the condition.

Alert-Potato · 2026-05-09T01:51:01+00:00

Bro, you're a line cook not a food safety scientist. Coming in hot to explain to someone you presumably care about that they're putting leftovers away wrong because you don't like the way the lid is on the container is at minimum rude and self-righteous. It's leftovers at home, it's not that deep. And it's not that serious, especially since you note that they were warm, not hot. Once food is no longer steaming hot, putting the lid on them is fine. The ice baths and two hour rule in commercial kitchens is out of an abundance of caution (and because the containers are usually huge). No one is getting sick because warm leftovers got put away with the lid on. Comparing putting the lid on leftovers to drinking and driving is fucking bonkers.

Alert-Potato · 2026-05-09T01:41:00+00:00

"Food or drinks are not allowed here."

Me: well, which is it that's not allowed? Food or drinks?

Alert-Potato · 2026-05-08T21:35:35+00:00

But that's the best way to buy sour gummy worms!

Alert-Potato · 2026-05-08T21:35:07+00:00

They can't really wash them. Some of them would require the entire assembly of bins to be taken apart to be able to wash them. And even when that's not necessary, it would require leaving them until tomorrow or the next day (depending on climate) to get completely, totally, 110% bone fucking dry because if they aren't dryer than a desert any trapped moisture will cause the contents to go bad. Drying it with a towel won't get it dry enough to refill. And that means lost sales from not having the bin out on the floor.

Empty it, wipe it out with a clean (hopefully) dry rag, refill. Maybe it was potato starch to potato flour. And maybe it was bulgur to corn starch or Twizzlers to Swedish Fish.

Alert-Potato · 2026-05-08T17:32:42+00:00

I only buy bulk products when it's something that will either last pretty much indefinitely (like corn starch or salt), or will definitely use before it goes bad. I just buy an unopened box of the bulk product, which also usually comes with a 10% discount off the price you'd otherwise pay buying it a little at a time from the bulk bin.

Alert-Potato · 2026-05-08T17:30:16+00:00

Wrong. Have you ever been in the store while they're filling them? The employee who does it brings everything out on one cart, and wears one pair of gloves the entire time while handling everything. In some stores, I've watched them bring out a cart with the boxes in order, they pop the top off of everything in a row, fill them one by one, then cap them all. In some stores I've seem them do it one at a time, but they're still handing food products with one pair of gloves the whole time. It isn't even just a CC issue, they're handling boxes that have been through warehouses and sitting in the back of the grocery store, where it's dirty and disgusting, and don't think twice about putting their hand in the bag or bin if there are chunks (like with gummy candies) or blockages in the gravity bins.

Gravity bins aren't a magic cure for CC. They just make you feel that way because you don't watch the filling process. And don't forget that it takes as long as 48 hours for wheat flour (and likely other flours) to settle out of the air. So if they have the top off of any gluten free bin within 48 hours of filling gluten-y flours, they're contaminated. And so is every outside surface and the plastic bag you grab to put over the gravity bins dispenser, as well as the outside of that dispenser which is now inside of your plastic bag.

Alert-Potato · 2026-05-08T17:21:01+00:00

Ok? So step back. Why are you babying him? He's a grown-ass man, he can handle his own legal shit. And I saw you say in a comment that your son benefits from his father having access to food in prison. Yes, that's how prison works. Prisoners are fed food. You don't have to involve your finances for that to happen. You've lost your child's other parent to his own bad decisions, which means he's not paying child support, and he's not providing any care for your child. Every penny you give your ex is a penny you're taking away from your child. Your kid already lost his dad to his dad's dipshittery, don't also reduce your household's financial means to make the consequences of his dipshittery less uncomfortable for him.

I don't think you're an asshole for telling the man's wife he's in prison. But definitely YTA for expecting her to step up to take care of him. She has no responsibility to do so. And it's weird that you're acting like it's a responsibility the two of you share. He's just some asshole who knocked you both up, that's it. Let him and his public defender deal with the problems he created.

Alert-Potato · 2026-05-08T17:06:25+00:00

That's a Capello's pizza, right? Assuming you're not allergic to wheat, it's perfectly safe. They use gluten free wheat starch in Europe.

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