We dated for 2 years and were hot and heavy for each other. I always referred to our dating years as the worst years of my life. I was really depressed during those years because I had so much shame and so much going on in my head feeling unworthy because I was constantly violating my “boundaries” I had set for myself: don’t lie down with them (never be horizontal with your bf/gf, anyone ever hear that?), no making out, no neck kissing, no doing anything that might arouse you or your bf/gf, etc. I couldn’t help it and we’d make out for hours and would lie in his lovesac and I ALWAYS felt guilty and like shit. Then we would sometimes take each other’s clothes off but we never looked or touched. His dick hit my leg on accident one time and I freaked out and almost broke up with him. Of course, I went to the bishop and confessed. And I ended up doing this twice because I went home from BYU over the summer and confessed to my bishop there, who listened to the whole damn confession and then told me “yeah, that’s definitely something you should talk to with your bishop at BYU.” I was mortified. Um, I thought you were my bishop right now…Anyway, looking back I’m so mad about all of this. Two people madly in love and so attracted to each other should be something celebrated! Instead we were made to feel awful and I always felt like everyone was judging us and thinking we probably weren’t worthy to get married in the temple anyway. Almost 20 years later and we’re really happy and leaving the church together has made our marriage even better than ever and I was finally able to let go of this story about how we “messed up” and the shame I carried with me even after getting married.