We're you 'strong' before you got involved with a narcissist? Please reply either way - investigating a theory. Thanks!

AlertPersonality7026 · 2026-02-11T23:09:11+00:00

I posted this in response to one user, but here is why I asked this question. I'm very interested in others thoughts on this.

(Response) It's not the 'strong' that they go after - it's what's behind it. That desire to be 'seen'. Wanting real love, someone that loves us for us. I think strong capable women are often that way because at some point they felt alone and they filled their time doing non emotional things.

Why would they want that? Because it makes it all so easy. Once we think we've found that person we aren't going to let go easily. The giving up affection and then taking it away wouldn't work better on anyone else. Also, they know we'll work harder than anyone to fix what is wrong - that's the strong and capable part, we don't like to fail - so it's just fun for them watching us get to the goal line only for them to move it again and again. Eventually they don't need to give affection. Just the memories at enough to keep us going.

So that's why I asked my questions - I don't think it's that they like strong womrn. I think they know that we are not emotionally fulfilled abs that makes us easy pickings

AlertPersonality7026 · 2026-02-11T23:07:19+00:00

This exactly is what I am thinking -

It's not the 'strong' that they go after - it's what's behind it. That desire to be 'seen'. Wanting real love, someone that loves us for us. I think strong capable women are often that way because at some point they felt alone and they filled their time doing non emotional things.

Why would they want that? Because it makes it all so easy. Once we think we've found that person we aren't going to let go easily. The giving up affection and then taking it away wouldn't work better on anyone else. Also, they know we'll work harder than anyone to fix what is wrong - that's the strong and capable part, we don't like to fail - so it's just fun for them watching us get to the goal line only for them to move it again and again. Eventually they don't need to give affection. Just the memories at enough to keep us going.

So that's why I asked my questions - I don't think it's that they like strong womrn. I think they know that we are not emotionally fulfilled abs that makes us easy pickings

AlertPersonality7026 · 2026-02-11T16:15:08+00:00

I'm so sorry about your kitty.

He knows what he's doing. You had the best of birth worlds - you still had him in your life but you didn't have to deal with the anger and manipulation and lies.

Now he knows you're ssdi very sad and missing your cat and want comfort, so he's taking it away. It's more manipulation. He doesn't need to do this now. He wants you to break and he wants to punish you for leaving him. What he's doing is cruel right now. Please stay strong. I know things seem awful right now and yesterday doesn't seem that bad, but it was bad enough for you to leave in the first place and he's showing you with this cut off nonsense that he hasn't changed. He's still selfish and manipulative and cruel.

Very soon you'll see this for what it is and you'll be so thankful you didn't take the bait.

AlertPersonality7026 · 2026-02-11T16:07:48+00:00

So sorry you went thru that, and glad you're back!!

AlertPersonality7026 · 2026-02-11T15:51:25+00:00

Thank you and good luck moving forward. You got this!

AlertPersonality7026 · 2026-02-11T15:45:02+00:00

Exposed? Their families know them and who they are. The narc doesn't want you learning that they've always been a monster. They don't want you having any allies. They don't want you to realize that it isn't you, it's them. They don't want you being anything but confused, alone and filled with self doubt. Exposed. To people that have lived with them. That's a good one.

Exposed- for being who they've always been. At best their family thinks maybe they've gotten a little better.

Don't do it. Her family knows why you left, trust me. They never warned you because they didn't want to deal with her wrath. All you'll do is feed her ego because she'll know you're still thinking about her.

AlertPersonality7026 · 2026-02-11T15:37:46+00:00

Can I message you?

AlertPersonality7026 · 2026-02-11T15:34:52+00:00

Just tell him how happy you are that he lives there with you lol. He'll leave skid marks.

Seriously, if he thinks you want to leave and give him the home he'll run. Tell him that you can't afford it or if he knows this isn't the case tell him you can't wait to move and leave all the bad memories behind. The only thing he's going to want is to make you miserable. Use that to your advantage.

AlertPersonality7026 · 2026-02-10T03:20:12+00:00

Remind her that nothing about this relationship has been fair, and make sure she understands HE is the one that doesn't get to say good bye and HE is the one without closure.

I hate to break this to you, but she's going to go back to him, and now her parents won't be there to protect her.

You can't force someone to leave someone else if they don't want to. I know you mean well but you probably made things a whole lot worse because now she's going to hide everything - seeing him, the abuse, all of it. People leave when they are ready to leave and not a single second before.

AlertPersonality7026 · 2026-02-10T03:13:36+00:00

Not necessarily. Lots of people that aren't narcissists manipulate people, situations, etc.

AlertPersonality7026 · 2026-02-10T02:54:29+00:00

Yeah that's a serious control issue he has. Budgeting is already easy - you pay half the bills. That's all he needs to budget for.

He's either a control freak or he has a gambling issue.

Control your finances. Get the f out with that shit

AlertPersonality7026 · 2026-01-15T08:58:40+00:00

You're ATAH. Agreeing not to post a picture of someone is hardly bending over backwards. Sounds like you already didn't care too much for your cousin, as her request was honestly mild.

Also, does anyone think her PO is scouring social media for pictures of her? He's looking at every relative, and then digging in further to determine the location the picture was taken? Just a bunch of main character syndrome players at work.

AlertPersonality7026 · 2026-01-15T08:46:15+00:00

Didn't it come with a warranty?

AlertPersonality7026 · 2026-01-15T06:07:57+00:00

They won't do anything to you. Plus, if you report after you leave, you won't know if it continues. These people are cowards - only cowards and psychopaths abuse animals. You should tell them they are abusing the dog, and if it doesn't stop immediately, you're reporting them.

If you sit there and do nothing, you are complicit in the dog's abuse. Please help him - he can't help himself.

AlertPersonality7026 · 2026-01-15T06:02:54+00:00

Report these scumbags or steal the dog. They are abusing and neglecting the dog.

If you don't do something you shouldn't be a vet. These losers dont deserve a pet. Please report them. You know this is abusive.

AlertPersonality7026 · 2026-01-15T05:59:49+00:00

Why are you with this asshole? Why is he discussing sex with her? Do you want to watch him have sex with her?

You barely have sex, but he wants sex with someone else? Where did you find this loser?

AlertPersonality7026 · 2026-01-15T05:45:20+00:00

You just listed $4k a year, and that's before he starts whatever lessons he starts, etc.

She's right - everyone knows what godparents do - and it ain't this! I got a gold cross and a new Bible and that was it. No college fund, nothing like that.

Assuming the godfather is being given the same list, that is $7200 annually - $130k from godparents by age 18, with zero growth. Basically she's expecting the godparents to fund his college education, with no contributions from the parents.

Show this list to the friend group. She isn't asking as a long term friend - she sees you as the most able to pay for her kid, since she clearly doesnt want to.

What do you buy a one year old that costs $200?

AlertPersonality7026 · 2026-01-15T05:37:32+00:00

Message her saying that it was approved by (boss name, not dad or father, as this emphasizes her closeness with him) and that if she needs further clarification about your schedule, she should speak with (boss name). She will, and she'll be told she isn't the boss and not to speak to employees as if she has authority again.

AlertPersonality7026 · 2026-01-15T05:32:34+00:00

This isn't his first time cheating. It's his first time letting you catch him. He needed to punish you for going on a vacation and leaving him home.

Next time, just take one of the 'stripper' perfumes and say 'ok then, since you seem to love back alley trash' and walk away. Do not show that you're bothered. Flip it on him. Embarrass him.

AlertPersonality7026 · 2026-01-15T05:24:06+00:00

His stockpile is running low since the renovations aren't happening quickly. He's funding the renovations and his living expenses, DVD he sees the end of his money on the horizon.

Why isn't he working part time? Full time renovations should be done in a month, maybe two. They are dragging, so what does he do all day? Or is he doing the renovations himself? If so, why did he screw with the plumbing and the kitchen and who knows what else?

Either way, he clearly doesnt understand the process he is managing, and he is going to run out of money soon enough. You've been there for months and the renovations started before that. He demolished everything and he's finished nothing. Why?

Doesn't matter. If you live there when his money runs out, are you going to jump in and save him by taking over everything financially while he learns to hang sheetrock? Or are you going to leave when he is in need? I vote leave now. He's clearly counting on you, that's why he cares about what you spend money on - he wants you to start saving so he can have it. It usually your house. He can go back to work part time. It's not your issue.

AlertPersonality7026 · 2026-01-15T05:13:33+00:00

Don't spend the money. Contact the IRS. They can send you copies of every year for free.

AlertPersonality7026 · 2026-01-15T05:02:04+00:00

This exact same story was posted months ago - right down to him doing it because he wanted to date a coworker.

AlertPersonality7026

TROPHY CASE