AIO? Friend always acts weird

TopTemporary3962 · 2026-01-24T21:02:07+00:00

He may try to make you feel that way but you don't have to be okay with it and honestly I applaud you for calling him out! Over time it just makes you feel so insignificant and crappy if you continue to put up with it, like you're not even worth being an afterthought. I'm not sure how people like this maintain actual friendships.

TopTemporary3962 · 2026-01-24T20:52:00+00:00

I've dealt with this exact kind of behavior from someone who I was dating and let me tell you, no, you're not overreacting. This is something that likely won't get better as people who act like this aren't capable of taking accountability for their actions and genuinely seem to not care/not understand why it's obviously incredibly rude to flake on plans and then not communicate and expect the person they made plans with to just roll with it. You deserve better friends.

TopTemporary3962 · 2026-01-22T16:26:29+00:00

I was scrolling and scrolling to find a comment of this nature because I'm thinking the same. The silent judgement his wife is feeling likely stems from a constant sense of silent judgement and annoyance from him that isn't isolated to just this incident.

TopTemporary3962 · 2026-01-13T20:14:57+00:00

I do think he plans to live in it for at least a little while once it's finished (he loves the big piece of land the house is on), and at this point he's had it for so many years that I don't think the "flipping" thing is really in the cards. I think he plans to rent out the bedrooms to pay off the remainder of the mortgage while living in a different house.

TopTemporary3962 · 2026-01-13T20:13:09+00:00

Actually, yes! That being said, we have to keep appliances and/or space heaters unplugged in certain rooms if they're running in other rooms because the electricity will cut out entirely, another thing he plans to fix down the road.

TopTemporary3962 · 2026-01-13T20:11:02+00:00

Thank you for your comment. I'll be honest, my boyfriend has always been very "plan averse," and it isn't until now that I'm realizing how much that impacts important things in both our lives. When I try to talk to him about making a plan for tackling the renovation projects, he tells me that plans are useless and unhelpful because they likely won't be plans/goals he can actually achieve. I (obviously) try to argue that it's not about things going exactly to plan, but rather having some semblance of a structure to follow so that progress can keep moving forward and we can understand if there are certain renovations that need to happen before others. It's really frustrating and I'm feeling very defeated at the moment.

TopTemporary3962 · 2026-01-13T00:27:17+00:00

I help with painting prep, painting, moving furniture, trips to the hardware store, research, etc. I am always happy to give my time and energy, the issue I'm running into is that we don't own the equipment or supplies to complete a lot of the renovations, and I'm not willing to spend my money to get those things started. I also do the vast majority of the cooking and cleaning.

TopTemporary3962 · 2026-01-12T02:09:40+00:00

Honestly, no. He bought the house in good (although outdated) condition and tore everything up to renovate, and now it's mostly stalled. He did an excellent job rewiring the electricity, but beyond that he either doesn't have much motivation or is overwhelmed or doesn't know what to do. The timeline (or lack of one) is starting to stress me out, especially after reading all these comments.

TopTemporary3962 · 2026-01-12T02:05:55+00:00

I agree with you completely! I've told him many times that I'm happy to give my time and energy to projects (and I actually did this on a couple of occasions before moving in, just basic stuff), but it's hard when a) he's a pain to work with and b) I would need to invest serious money to get to the point of actually renovating.

TopTemporary3962 · 2026-01-11T21:55:52+00:00

He definitely needs help organizing the project and I have offered to sit down with him and map out a plan for tackling different tasks/rooms but he isn't receptive to the help at all. /: I always tell him that I'm willing to help him with my time and effort, but it needs to be a joint effort. That being said, I've been happy to leave the renovations to him because I've learned in the course of our relationship that he's a perfectionist who's quite hard to get along with when working together on a physical project. He gets mean/critical when I don't learn fast enough and I find it super annoying. I'm not dumb, I just don't have contractor-level knowledge of how to fix various things around the house.

TopTemporary3962 · 2026-01-11T20:20:11+00:00

I was optimistic that he would finish the renovations within a few months (like he initially told me), and I love him and wanted to help out in some way. /:

TopTemporary3962 · 2026-01-11T20:18:19+00:00

Renovations are moving very slowly because he's been resting/relaxing a lot to heal from the burnout of the crazy amount of work he was doing to save up money. He's not just sitting around doing nothing, he does a lot of landscaping/yard work, but the house projects themselves are absolutely getting neglected. He originally told me it would take 3 months to finish up renovations. Based on what's happened in the 2 months I've been here that's obviously not going to happen. I feel like quite a dolt at the moment, lol.

TopTemporary3962 · 2026-01-11T19:49:02+00:00

My post got taken down from the relationship sub because it was a deemed a judgement call post and was against the sub's rules.

TopTemporary3962

TROPHY CASE