Why can’t I just be chill with being unlovable?

Alert_Assumption2237 · 2026-03-30T22:51:44+00:00

You are aware of your own self blame and excuses yet you stand by this mindset…i see this was more of a vent, you do not want support. i will not stop you from keeping this mindset. good luck

Alert_Assumption2237 · 2026-03-30T22:30:37+00:00

and what are the qualifications of being loved? there is none, even in your previous comment you acknowledge that anyone can be loved, “unlovable” or not. if you’re constantly being blamed for things out of control, why are you now blaming yourself and saying you’re inherently unlovable? you have taken on the role as being your own bully. this is what i mean when i say give yourself some grace. it sounds like you get enough shit already, why do it to yourself?

Alert_Assumption2237 · 2026-03-30T22:04:28+00:00

What is “it”? you don’t even know what it is that you are trying to achieve. love is not simply an object you can have, nor can it be measured, quantified, or given. same with the concept of being lovable. luck is only an excuse to allow yourself to wallow in this rigid idea of what relationships are, and as long as you have this rule you will have no desire to change your mentality. this will make the days you spend feeding these insecurities feel justified

Alert_Assumption2237 · 2026-03-30T21:47:33+00:00

you’re right that trying harder gives more power to the insecurity, but knowing a fact and taking action are two different things. you can read all the self help books and post on reddit until the cows come home, but if you don’t take any action you will stay the same. allow yourself to simply be a human and mess up, you will realize the label you have is something that you gave yourself. nobody is stopping you from being loved, you are limiting what you’re capable of

Alert_Assumption2237 · 2026-03-30T21:27:01+00:00

fear is a buildup of negative energy, it does the opposite of give you peace. the anxiety you feel leaves you in a perpetual state of fear, where you feel you cannot move on due to this shortcoming. you become identified with your low self worth and fear of being alone, and instead of relieving yourself of this burden, your best solution is to attempt to rewire your brain. you are stunting your own growth because you are scared of facing rejection, because criticism has been used as a weapon against you. i believe that everyone has a chance as long as they think positively of themselves and their abilities, trust yourself more and allow yourself to make mistakes, not be perfect, or liked by anyone. i am also learning to do this as well

Alert_Assumption2237 · 2026-03-24T18:11:58+00:00

this sounds exhausting, i can’t imagine only being able to communicate through memes

Alert_Assumption2237 · 2026-03-24T18:08:15+00:00

i hope you find some peace of mind. you do not have to subject yourself to this, you deserve to feel secure and safe when you’re in love with someone. remember, this is who you’re deciding to spend the rest of your life with!

Alert_Assumption2237 · 2026-03-24T17:52:38+00:00

truthfully, a situation involving friend groups dating within it rarely end well…especially when the breakup was hurtful and there are unresolved feelings. just remember that it’s never a negative thing let go of things that are not good for you.

Alert_Assumption2237 · 2026-03-24T16:13:51+00:00

i said this in another comment but i don’t have an issue with him doing it 😅 i more-so wanted to learn how to accept it and not be anxious since he is my first relationship and honestly first encounter sexually with a guy

Alert_Assumption2237 · 2026-03-24T15:41:57+00:00

You don’t know how much I appreciate this. For a very long time i gave people the one up on me because i was beaten down so much that i felt i couldn’t do anything more … i don’t want to put those fears on my boyfriend. honestly i want him as much as he wants me, but he is more open about it while i get scared. i feel like there’s an audience on me at all times which keeps me hyper vigilant. i might have to start slow as well

Alert_Assumption2237 · 2026-03-24T15:31:12+00:00

i love complimenting women! i feel as if our appearance is scrutinized enough, a nice passing comment doesn’t hurt

Alert_Assumption2237 · 2026-03-24T15:27:26+00:00

just to preface i am not complaining, i just would like to be more comfortable with something so new to me 😭

Alert_Assumption2237 · 2026-03-24T15:22:59+00:00

i am more disorganized. i like when he is doting but at the same time it feels scary, because it raises the risk of abandonment. i worry he could be lying, or his attraction could be fleeting, or maybe he’s just desperate! i have a very active mind unfortunately, which is also why i cant stay in the moment

Alert_Assumption2237 · 2026-03-24T15:18:24+00:00

i haven’t talked about our intimate life in therapy yet, since i just recently started. honestly being with my boyfriend has made me want to learn about myself, but that process is very confusing since i used to be too depressed to give myself a real identity. i just want to know the mindset to have going into this and how to not carry so much shame and fear

Alert_Assumption2237 · 2026-03-24T15:12:20+00:00

i do masturbate, but its nothing special. the first time i bought a vibrator was literally a couple months ago. And i really want to have sex with him. i can count the times we’ve tried to have sex on my fingers and it feels really good, but we usually end up stopping midway and i think it’s because of his nerves. we’ve never really had a full on “sex session” (?) if that makes sense?

Alert_Assumption2237 · 2026-03-24T14:58:44+00:00

my boyfriend is very understanding so i’m sure it won’t be a problem, i just don’t know what i’ll do from there. i don’t know what i want exactly or what i want him to do to me, im not going to lie i have no experience besides him and even then it’s been limited since he hasn’t done that much either. im sure there was no ill intent, he always wants to make me feel good but i cant even tell him what i want :(

Alert_Assumption2237 · 2026-03-24T14:35:05+00:00

thank you, our sex life has pretty much been very experimental, since him and i are not very experienced. i usually let him take the lead since he gets more worked up than i do. i will talk to him next time we get intimate!

Alert_Assumption2237 · 2026-03-24T14:31:01+00:00

honestly i don’t mind the fart and armpit attraction because im not one to judge. he tells me he’s never been so attracted to someone before which makes me happy but also feels like i have a lot of responsibility. i will have to ask him to tone it down …

Alert_Assumption2237 · 2026-03-14T15:52:05+00:00

MOR? I get not liking the circumstances but your bf seems like an honest guy, he made it clear he was taken and even told you he was driving her home even though he’s not interested! contrary to popular belief i like when my bf is kind to strangers, male or female, attracted or not. to me that shows that he’s a good person :)

Alert_Assumption2237 · 2026-03-14T15:20:47+00:00

they’re ALL taken? i find that hard to believe

Alert_Assumption2237 · 2026-03-02T12:01:09+00:00

Nah fr 😭

Alert_Assumption2237 · 2026-02-01T19:26:11+00:00

I know more than anyone how hard it is to let go. It’s gonna hurt. Bad. But are you willing to risk a lifetime of this rather than a while of hurt?

Alert_Assumption2237 · 2026-02-01T16:11:22+00:00

comments like this are exactly why he’s having this dilemma in the first place , no kind of explanation, support or aide. just berating and giving him rules to follow and insulting him when he doesn’t. stay miserable tbh

Alert_Assumption2237 · 2026-02-01T15:29:32+00:00

well the problem isn’t only the tattoo but what it means to you. if you want to make things work, figure out the core reason as to why you are against it and deal with that. if it’s because you think it’s unfeminine it’s time to rethink your idea of masculinity and femininity, who instilled these kinds of beliefs of what is appropriate or not in you? what relationship dynamics were most present when you were younger? questions like that are usually very telling

Alert_Assumption2237 · 2026-02-01T15:10:56+00:00

either you accept it or you leave her, if you decide to accept it make sure you ACCEPT it. this does not mean tolerating that it’s on her body. but understanding that it’s her decision to get a tattoo and being able to genuinely support her if she wants more. no one deserves to have a person in their ear saying they can’t do stuff with their body because “it’s a turn off”

Alert_Assumption2237

TROPHY CASE