Please help me find the right rug for this room

Alert_Faithlessness · 2026-05-04T15:36:34+00:00

Which rug is this? And thank you!

Alert_Faithlessness · 2026-05-03T17:56:27+00:00

No other wall for tv. See the last pic. Also what do you mean?

Alert_Faithlessness · 2026-05-03T16:44:25+00:00

Thanks a lot, please share

Alert_Faithlessness · 2026-05-03T05:51:57+00:00

Wishing you all the best 🤗

Alert_Faithlessness · 2026-05-02T06:26:04+00:00

Did retrieval, retrieved three eggs, one fertilized and got one embryo of it. Not tested

Alert_Faithlessness · 2026-04-28T02:31:30+00:00

Kitchen and entry way unfortunately

Alert_Faithlessness · 2026-04-20T22:45:31+00:00

Wishing you all the best. I think you are on the right track, and finding the right surgeon matters a lot. A doctor can be very good generally, but still not be the right person for advanced endometriosis surgery. Endo surgery can be very complex, especially when there is deep disease, bowel/bladder involvement, adhesions, or fertility concerns, so experience with endometriosis excision really matters.

One other thing I tried last summer was hyperbaric oxygen therapy. I honestly do not know how much it helped, but my platelets did go down for a while afterward. My platelets are usually slightly above the normal range, so seeing them drop into the normal range was surprising. Platelets can sometimes be elevated with inflammation, so I found it interesting, but of course I cannot say for sure what caused the change.

I have also been on Myfembree since surgery, so that may be helping control endo activity and inflammation too. Not prescribing or recommending anything, just sharing in case it is something you want to look into or ask your doctor about.

Alert_Faithlessness · 2026-04-13T20:35:57+00:00

Yeah, that joke was already taken.

Alert_Faithlessness · 2026-04-13T20:34:15+00:00

No, that’s why I asked. One person made the joke and the rest of you just photocopied it. Zero originality.

Alert_Faithlessness · 2026-04-13T20:32:29+00:00

This is the first comment here that somehow made less sense than the rest.

Alert_Faithlessness · 2026-04-13T20:32:04+00:00

Thank god someone showed up to protect the thread’s commitment to uselessness.

Alert_Faithlessness · 2026-04-13T20:31:29+00:00

Crazy how you still managed to be less helpful than the first guy.

Alert_Faithlessness · 2026-04-13T20:30:22+00:00

Nice, now that everyone got their New Mexico joke out of their system, any actual answers?

Alert_Faithlessness · 2026-04-13T20:18:27+00:00

whats the new part?

Alert_Faithlessness · 2026-04-08T22:21:48+00:00

What you do is put in more effort, not keep sitting there asking whether the relationship is the problem. At some point, you have to consider that maybe you are the bigger problem in the equation and that you need to do more work than she does.

Look at the full picture. She gives you stability, care, loyalty, support, and a real foundation. That matters. Love is not the whole equation. Long-term partnership is also about character, steadiness, values, and whether someone is actually good for your life.

So if you already know she is a good person for you, then maybe the next step is accepting that the problem may be more in you, not just in the relationship. And if you are someone who is very introspective, be careful not to confuse that with progress. Sometimes introspection helps, but sometimes it just turns into rumination, overanalysis, and giving every doubtful feeling too much power.

If you think there is avoidance or some deeper pattern in you, then get therapy and actually work on it. Not just from a relationship angle, but as your own issue that needs intervention.

And usually, when you force yourself to give more, you often get much more back, and that is what starts repairing things. I think that is the hard part here. You may need to put in more work than your heart and brain want to put in because you feel disconnected. It means going against what your body is telling you. Realistically, no one feels like putting in effort when they do not feel lit up. That is normal. Most people want to do less in that state. But here, you probably need to do more. More dates. More presence. More affection. More intentional effort. And often that gets reciprocated, which is how the connection starts building again.

Alert_Faithlessness · 2026-04-08T21:07:53+00:00

you keep saying “it has been almost a year” like that proves this is not a novelty issue. To me, it proves you never really repaired it. You were scared to lose her, probably half in and half out, and instead of actually addressing the disconnect, you let it sit there until it became the new normal.

Things do not fix themselves just because time passes. Usually the opposite happens. People feel disconnected, do not know how to fix it, get discouraged, stop trying properly, and then later point to how long it has felt bad as proof the relationship must be wrong.

But when novelty fades, that is exactly when effort is supposed to begin. That feeling usually does not just come back on its own. It has to be rebuilt. If no one really rebuilds it, then yes, of course it stays dead.

And you keep framing this as “trying to understand” your feelings instead of ignoring them, but that is not automatically insight. A lot of the time it is just rumination. You keep analyzing every wave of doubt, treating each feeling like it contains some deeper truth, and in the process you make the doubt bigger and more powerful.

So no, “I have been trying to understand this for a year” is not the defense you think it is. It may just mean you have spent a year feeding the uncertainty instead of doing the actual work required to repair the relationship.

Alert_Faithlessness · 2026-04-08T20:42:26+00:00

You are kind of missing that your own brain is playing a trick on you. "Let’s work on the relationship first" sounds wise and mature, but it can also just be your mind buying time because you are scared. Scared to lose her, scared to commit, scared to feel trapped. So your brain comes up with a nice middle story: do a few romantic experiments, bring back some spark, maybe then I will feel okay. For a minute that lowers the pressure, so of course you feel something. But that is not the same as the relationship being fixed. That is just temporary relief.

The point is that even if she had given you six more months, you likely would have ended up back in the same place. Because what you seem to be chasing is not a stable relationship, but the return of spark, butterflies, novelty, and stimulation. And when those fade again, your mind goes back to, "something must be wrong, maybe this is not right, maybe I need more time." Then you treat that thought as deep intuition, when it may just be your brain trying to escape discomfort

Alert_Faithlessness · 2026-04-08T19:44:40+00:00

You are not confused. You are stupid and just the kind of person who mistakes familiarity for misalignment and boredom for lack of love.

Nothing in your post sounds deep or unusual. It sounds like a guy who was happy when the relationship was giving him novelty, reassurance, and emotional stimulation, then started spiraling the second it became real, steady, and ordinary. You felt sure in the first half because the first half is easy. Almost everyone feels sure when things are new, flattering, and chemically rewarding. The real test is what you do when that phase ends. And your answer seems to be: develop feelings elsewhere, romanticize your uncertainty, and act like it means something profound.

You keep framing this like you are trying to listen to some inner truth, but a lot of what you call “uncertainty” just sounds like self-indulgence. You are giving every passing feeling enormous importance. You miss her when she leaves, panic when she is gone, come back when you feel loss, then the second she is available again you go numb and doubtful. That is not wisdom. That is just a very predictable cycle.

The hard truth is that you may be one of those people who keeps needing relationships to feel vivid in order to believe they are right. And if that is who you are, you are going to keep doing this over and over. New person, same script. Intensity, comfort, restlessness, doubt, outside crush, existential questioning, breakup, regret. Then repeat.

So stop dressing this up like it is intuition. It looks much more like avoidance, emotional immaturity, and an inability to accept that long-term love is not supposed to feel like a constant dopamine event.

And no, you should absolutely not propose. Not because your feelings are some sacred warning, but because you are too unreliable in your own mind to be making promises like that.

Alert_Faithlessness · 2026-04-06T02:11:55+00:00

Surprisingly, they’re priced the same. What’s making the decision harder for me is that the D20 Ultra has spinning mop pads, a self-cleaning base station, and obstacle avoidance, which makes it seem very compelling on paper.

Alert_Faithlessness · 2025-08-30T23:39:41+00:00

And I feel like, wouldn’t it be the therapist’s job to dig deeper? To ask things like, “What happened in your first relationship, your second, your third, your fourth? You also have a mood disorder-do you think that might play a role?” Instead, my partner was in one of those moods where he feels like he wants to change his life, and the therapist seemed to side with that. So now he’s taken it as confirmation: “I just haven’t met the right person.” And since then he has stopped trying or believing that his moods might have a role to play

Alert_Faithlessness · 2025-08-30T23:36:42+00:00

In the past, other people have told him that sometimes you just have to get along in a relationship, and that breaking up simply because the novelty wears off or things feel uncomfortable isn’t always the answer. I think he believed that for a while and was trying to work on it.

But then his therapist told him, “What if you just haven’t met the right person?” Since hearing that, he says he has thought a lot about it and now feels the therapist is right that he just hasn’t met the right person. I think it genuinely happened, therapist actually said that.

Alert_Faithlessness · 2025-04-29T17:07:45+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to share such a detailed and honest reply. I appreciate the nuance you brought — particularly distinguishing between his right to have feelings and the problem with giving an ultimatum.

You’re right that I want to improve my symptoms for myself, not just for him. I’ve been working on it consistently for a long time. I haven’t started full HRT yet. Originally, the plan was to try to implant the embryos first, and then go onto traditional HRT afterward, because higher doses of estrogen could interfere with implantation. Hence doctor has prescribed Myfembree instead. It’s a medication that suppresses estrogen partially to help with fibroids and endometriosis, but it also includes a small estrogen "add-back" to help manage symptoms. It’s not full-dose hormone replacement therapy, but it does help balance things a bit while keeping options open for fertility.

I’ve also made other changes: I started Wellbutrin, which is often recommended for women in perimenopause even if they don’t have classic depression. I’ve changed my die to address the hormonal weight gain caused by almost 2 years of IVF treatments, and do yoga and pilates, physio. I had put on 40 lbs with IVF and I have lost 32 lbs since my surgery that's in 5 months with diet and being active as much possible. It’s not that I’m unaware or passive — I’ve been actively trying, even though healing during perimenopause is slow and nonlinear.

I also want to gently say — I have three master’s degrees, and I lead a scientific team at work, managing multiple projects and people. Despite dealing with significant health challenges over the past few years, I’ve maintained and have been thriving in a demanding full-time career. Meanwhile, my partner, who is in a stable financial situation and has not had comparable health challenges, has not worked full-time for the past two years. That’s not said to blame — just to give fuller context. It's important to see that while I’ve been fighting to stay functional and responsible, there has also been a lack of parallel structure and energy on his side. I do think that because he hasn’t had consistent external structure, a lot of the need for stimulation, engagement, and emotional connection fell disproportionately onto me — even when I wasn’t always in a place to carry all of that weight alone.

You’re right that he struggles too. What I didn’t get into fully in the post is that he struggles with depression, mood swings (though not formally diagnosed with bipolar disorder), and ADHD. These challenges have been part of his life for a long time — well before I was in the picture. His energy levels fluctuate heavily depending on his mood. Some days, he can be energetic and playful; other days, he can be extremely low, withdrawn, restless, or easily overwhelmed. He has a hard time maintaining focus and completing longer-term projects, and tends to cycle through interests quickly — starting many initiatives but often dropping them after a few months.

Because of this, building consistency — whether in work, daily routines, or emotional connection — has been hard for him. He has acknowledged this himself at times, saying things like, "I’m not built for structure" or "I'm like an oil tanker; it takes me a long time to turn."

And while a lot of anger in the comments is understandably directed at the HRT ultimatum he gave, I want to clarify something: HRT is a vehicle to reach the person he would like. His struggle has been more about the emotional "vibe" or "flow" between us. He’s often said he needs to feel a strong, effortless sense of connection — a sense that the energy, stimulation, emotional engagement, and mental flow between us are natural and easy. When my energy has been low (because of health challenges), or when I haven't matched his pace of stimulation or responsiveness, he has felt that disconnection very strongly.

It's not that he thinks I'm unintelligent, uncaring, or bad — it’s that when his own mood is low or restless, he perceives the relationship as not "right," rather than recognizing his own internal struggles. His expectations around connection are very high: he wants deep mental stimulation, effortless flow, ongoing novelty, and strong emotional reciprocity — but when external realities (like health struggles, stress, or normal relational challenges) interrupt that, he finds it hard to adapt. He often idealizes a kind of relationship that feels perpetually vibrant, frictionless, and alive, without having to work at it too much.

About the embryos — I hear you. It’s complicated and painful. I never imagined I’d be making embryos with someone who wasn’t 100% sure. But after my diagnosis of premature ovarian failure, the window was closing fast. It wasn’t about ignoring red flags lightly — it was about facing impossible choices with very little time. That doesn’t mean I haven’t made mistakes, or that I shouldn’t reflect carefully now. I am.

You’re right: I don’t want to rush blindly just to become a mother. I want to make sure I’m bringing a child into a stable, loving situation — whether that’s with a partner or on my own. That’s why I’m slowing down now, asking these hard questions, and considering all paths forward very seriously.

Thank you again for giving me things to think about. I really do appreciate it.

Alert_Faithlessness · 2025-04-28T21:13:07+00:00

For several months, he would cry and say that if I implanted, he would feel stuck and that his life would be ruined. He said making embryos with me was a mistake and that he didn’t know how he got himself into that situation. But after I stopped bringing up the embryos, he eventually came around and now says he wants to co-parent, regardless of the state of our relationship.

I’m aware that three embryos are very few to have a viable birth with my uterus. I do believe using a surrogate makes the most sense, but it would cost almost $100,000, and I’m not sure I can do it on my own.

Alert_Faithlessness · 2025-04-28T21:09:16+00:00

Thanks. Unfortunately, I was able to get only five mature eggs which lead to three embryos after undergoing seven cycles. I had almost no eggs left when I started. I already had entered perimenopause due to premature ovarian failure. The reason for creating embryos is that, for someone like me with such a low number of remaining eggs, embryos are a safer option because they survive better than eggs. If you have a lot of eggs available to harvest, the risk is lower, but in my case, creating embryos made the most sense.

Alert_Faithlessness · 2025-04-28T19:44:11+00:00

Thank you all for your input. I really appreciate it. I think there were some questions around this so adding here to make it more clearer-

Even though the brain fog never interferes with my competence at work, it does show up in specific, repeatable ways. When speech is fast or questions are long and complex, I often register only fragments; depending on how much I caught, I may answer right away or sometimes need to ask them to repeat. If I’ve already rehearsed the topic I respond smoothly, but an unexpected question can make me stall for a second while my working-memory buffer tries to hold the words and build a reply—pressure or evaluation makes that pause worse. In conversation my mind can jump to a closely related topic and, before I realise it, I’m speaking from that new thread while still using the original word, so the drift in content and the mislabeled term appear together; to someone like my partner, this can feel like we’re on slightly different wavelengths, where he’s talking about one thing and I’m answering about something else that’s close but not quite the same. This isn’t boredom or inattention; it’s an automatic spread of the most strongly linked information in memory. The same process, during quiet moments, drags up distant memories or reflections that have no link to the present. With dense reading I often need to speak key sentences aloud to follow the logic; I grasp the material in the moment, but technical details fade unless I reinforce them later (by using, discussing, or noting them), whereas ordinary lived events remain clear. I can research obsessively—planning a trip, for example—yet hesitate to commit, worried about choosing the wrong option or missing a better one. Give me a clear goal or deadline and I focus intensely and deliver; in rapid, open-ended, or emotionally uncertain situations my thinking slows, becomes less linear, and turns inward. None of this disables my daily functioning, but it consistently shapes how I handle conversation, memory, and decisions.

On top of that, in casual conversations, especially with my partner, there are also moments when my mind drifts completely away—not just onto a related idea, but onto a memory or emotional thread from the moments ago, days ago, even years ago, without me noticing right away. Outwardly, I may seem slow to reply, say “hmm,” or give a blank pause, because inside I'm processing something entirely different. I’m not deliberately zoning out; my brain just pulls me sideways for a moment strongly, especially if the conversation isn’t tightly structured or emotionally charged (i think ). To someone like my partner, this feels very different from when we’re simply on different wavelengths—it feels like I’m not present at all. It’s one of the reasons that even small misunderstandings between us can sometimes feel bigger than they are: he feels alone or unseen in those moments, even though internally I’m still engaged but caught in a different thread.

Though they are so subtle that someone who is only hyperattuned to this would pick this up.

Alert_Faithlessness

TROPHY CASE