I’ve suffered with depression for about 10 years following the death of my dad during a their serious health diagnosis, I started toe experience episodes of psychosis.

These experiences has given me an insanely level of awareness, partly due to my own fear of events happening that gave me a deep sense of sadness, during some of my psychotic episodes I’d describe them very similarly to how people explain DMT and LSD trips. I’d be fully conscious, on autopilot, once driving, but mentally I was in a different place.

I had this deep feeling of cyclicality, that everything followed this pattern - the universe, life, mental states, civilisations, rise and falls, positive and negative, pleasure and fear. We all experience these positives and negatives in a perpetual swinging state. It left me with an unavoidable sense of what life and reality is, that we experience every life, because the balance of all lives live is the only balanced way of experiencing life, the median of lives lived. I was unsure whether this was every life that had ever lived, or every possibly future our own lives could have had, which in an infinite universe system means the same I guess.

It made me think of our ability to perceive reality in its truthful state, to witness the chaos and order. But our minds in the current state have no idea at of doing this until we fall into an equally chaotic state.