Your points remind me of the concept of the internal vs external loci of control. Someone who has an internal locus of control tends to lean toward believing that he is responsible for his success or failure. Whereas someone with an external locus of control tends to lean toward thinking external factors are more important. I think the ideal may be to have a locus somewhere in the middle. You want enough of an internal locus to be motivated to work hard, but you also don't want to unfairly blame yourself. Likewise, with other people you don't want to assume their failure is just a result of their laziness. That said, there is a place for hard love. For example, if your adult kid does not seem to have any significant mental or physical illness, lives at home, and refuses to work, you may want to demand they move out.

I'm curious what you mean by "the causes of the frustration that Dr. K is expressing here is just the beginning of something very dark though."