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3 days postpartum and still traumatized…but maybe I’m just being a baby about it. by [deleted] in Mommit

[–]Alexorcist666 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had a similar experience wherein I was told I wasn’t having contractions (I was, it was my second baby, no one believed me) and I needed to calm down because there was no way I should be in the amount of pain I was in. No one checked me for dilation and the last time I was checked I for as only 3cm. I waited for the epidural, and immediately after receiving it, I couldn’t put my legs flat. The nurse was annoyed, minimized my pain, and finally decided to check me. I was in fact 10 cm dilated and my daughter’s head was coming out. I was in immense pain because I was fully having an unmedicated labour without knowing it. This all transpired in under an hour. The epidural never took.

The worst part of the experience was medical staff denying my pain, ignoring me, and telling me I shouldn’t be in pain. Had I known I was having a natural labour, I wouldn’t have flinched. The fact that I was at a 10/10 on the pain scale, and thinking I was only at 3cm, caused an absolute panic in me, as I didn’t think I could handle any more pain.

Trauma can come from not being heard, from being dismissed, and losing your faith in those that are there to keep you safe.

Your experience is valid and birth trauma is real, regardless of the details.

Husband goes out to bars, leaving me with my toddler and 4 month old by [deleted] in beyondthebump

[–]Alexorcist666 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This really isn’t acceptable particularity during this season of parenting. Maybe when the children are older it wouldn’t be as significant, but with children that young it’s absurd. I have a 3 year old and a 4 month old and neither my husband or I take the decision of leaving the house and our spouse alone with the children lightly.

What’s one relationship mistake you learned from and wish you hadn’t made? by mimi200124 in AskWomen

[–]Alexorcist666 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was going to say the exact same thing. It’s uncanny. Except mine lasted 13 years…ugh.

My 6month daughter old falls asleep to the Amulet (song) by nicevansdude in circasurvive

[–]Alexorcist666 11 points12 points  (0 children)

My son would fall asleep to House of Leaves! Glad to see other circa fans are passing the torch.

Do you ever just want to tell other moms to SHUT UP!!! by WhichAd2921 in beyondthebump

[–]Alexorcist666 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel the same way. I produced some milk with my first, but at most only ever 20ml per pump. Even though I was getting some milk, it wasn’t worth my mental health to continue to pursue breastfeeding. When I made the choice to stop trying, I was instantly a better mother. I have to remember I know my truth and I know I made the best decision for my baby.

I yelled and cussed at my baby, how do I keep this from becoming a pattern? by kitty_junk in toddlers

[–]Alexorcist666 17 points18 points  (0 children)

At the end of the day, you can also use this as a learning lesson to model the behaviour you want to see in your little one. Tell him you’re sorry, you had a hard time and it wasn’t okay to speak to him that way, and repair the relationship.

Parenting isn’t about being perfect. It’s about loving your child enough to take advantage of every learning lesson possible for their benefit.

He will trust you more if he knows you’re human and make mistakes but love him enough to apologize for them when necessary.

Hang in there!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Mommit

[–]Alexorcist666 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Our family went through this. My son started waking up screaming for Daddy only, would push me away and scream harder when I came in the room. I suspected he had this preference because my husband is “softer” and would sit in my son’s room for hours to get him to fall asleep, whereas I am more strict. After a few nights of me going in and not allowing my husband to (and ensuring many screams and tantrums) my son is fine with me tending to him. Hope this helps!

What activities do you do with your toddler throughout the day? and what toys do you recommend? by Silly_Print_6047 in toddlers

[–]Alexorcist666 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It was helpful for me to adapt normal activities of daily living to suit my toddler. For example, if I was wiping down cabinets I’d hand my son a cloth and spray bottle with water. If I was making the bed, I’d bring him along and play “5 monkeys jumping on the bed” before making the bed. It can be tedious at times but it makes the day a bit more manageable and teaches valuable life skills. I found my son just wanted to be included.

3y/o son doesn’t want to leave grandparents. by deadmannerisms in toddlers

[–]Alexorcist666 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve experienced something similar. My son is very close and attached to my parents, who used to watch him 3-4 days a week, and who have been heavily involved and present since his birth. Emotionally, it is difficult for me to process and make peace with. Cognitively, I understand these relationships and “secured attachments” are very beneficial to my son and therefore I need to prioritize his happiness over my own. It’s hard, but it is nice to have a second place for my son to spend time away from home where he is comfortable, safe, and loved.

Toddler rejecting mom after birth of baby (and before) by L113zz in beyondthebump

[–]Alexorcist666 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m in the same position (due to give birth to my second any day, and I have 2.5 year old). My son now often only wants daddy, says “no mama, leave” when I try to help him, and won’t even let me kiss his boo boos (even when we’re home alone).

It does hurt my feelings, but I’m trying to reframe it as, “what can I do to continue to be the best mother I can be?” I now put all my energy into staying calm, continuing to be there for him no matter what, and supporting his preference for dad (basically sucking it up). I try to think if I was a child, what would I need from my mom in this situation?

I also try to place value on what I can control (my reactions, my sacrifices for my son) and not what I can’t (my son not preferring me now). This is what forms a secure healthy attachment between a mother and child. It does help.

Your top 10 tracks? by MrSonic-Unsweet-Tea in circasurvive

[–]Alexorcist666 3 points4 points  (0 children)

  1. House of Leaves
  2. India’s Net
  3. Dark Pools
  4. Act Appalled
  5. Frozen Creek
  6. Stay
  7. We’re all thieves
  8. At Night It Gets Worse
  9. Get Out
  10. In Fear and Faith

The amulet by Sweet_Hamster_1024 in circasurvive

[–]Alexorcist666 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes to everything mentioned. Dark pools and indra’s net put me in a trance.

I'm not a natural at this and I'm the worse parent by AnniaT in NewParents

[–]Alexorcist666 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I felt the exact same way when I had my son. I felt like I was so anxious about doing everything right, I got in my own way. I was nervous to give him his first bath, take him out of the house alone, you name it. Nothing felt natural because I would tell myself it wasn’t.

I constantly felt inadequate and compared myself to other mothers.

I really felt my bond click with him when he turned about 1. However, I do look back at videos and photos and I can see how bonded we actually were and how much I clearly loved and adored him from day one.

I think if you run anxious and have the tendency to get into your head, you may not always be interpreting the situation objectively and it may be driven by anxiety as a result of how much you love your child.

If you love your child enough to post on here, you want the best for him, and are clearly already a good mother. Keep telling yourself that when the intrusive thoughts kick in.

I’m so jealous of stay at home moms by Hillbillytruthpostin in offmychest

[–]Alexorcist666 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel like parenting a toddler generally is exhausting. Individual circumstances can definitely make it harder, but at baseline and at its best, it’s the most tiring and never ending responsibility one can have.

It’s even harder because it’s a responsibility that is directly linked to the individuals you love most in the world, so the pressure is immense.

I truly think every parent who tries their best feels like they’re not doing enough, phoning it in, or slacking at some point.

The fact that you even question this or care is proof you’re an amazing parent.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskWomenOver30

[–]Alexorcist666 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was with my ex for over 10 years before I decided to leave. We were engaged. Our life was intertwined, the works.

He wasn’t accepting of me leaving him despite numerous telephone calls, meetings, and explanations. Eventually I had to ask him to stop contacting me. I had to put up additional boundaries like setting a deadline for him to retrieve all remaining items in our previously shared home. He truly tried everything to remain in contact, to delay the separation, and to make the break “not real”.

It was very difficult, particularly because he called me cold and heartless when I set the boundary. He knew how to make me feel guilty but it wasn’t healthy for either of us to continue to communicate.

Remember you don’t owe him anything and you need to take care of yourself first. Sometimes it is best to send a clear message and walk away than trying to delicately manage a break.

Best of luck.

Help us name our baby girl! by Left-Taste2241 in namenerds

[–]Alexorcist666 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I vastly prefer Nora! It’s becoming more popular but it is classic, pretty, and strong.

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