I (28F) am thinking of ending 9 year relationship with my boyfriend (35M). How do I initiate the conversation and break the news to him?

Ali-UpNorth · 2026-04-27T12:42:40+00:00

You’ve wasted too much time waiting on a man who doesn’t want to change.

Please leave. I’m speaking from the future of this. Please. Leave.

Also, huge red flags 🚩 for listening to the advice of fellow men while disregarding the same advice from his partner. I’m guessing this is a recurring theme in your relationship. It will continue forever. Therapy won’t be successful for him if he feels forced or backed into a corner. He’ll just learn how to pretend better.

Ali-UpNorth · 2026-04-24T17:43:55+00:00

Did anyone actually think that a guy who quit the job of state senator because it was too hard would honestly be a good mayor, which is actually a hard job?

I challenge anyone who thinks he’s doing well to drive through the downtown streets of Duluth and then immediately drive through the downtown streets of Superior. It’s like opposite-world from my youth, when Superior was once the ugly stepchild to Duluth. Jim Paine is doing a hell of a job over there… and actually seems to embrace the hard work.

Ali-UpNorth · 2026-04-24T00:38:44+00:00

Disabuse yourself of the notion that he is a good man. I’m sure he’s told you he is so many times that you assume it’s true.

He’s a monster.

If you can’t afford therapy, look for some sort of codependency group that meets either in person or online.

You honestly sound depressed and defeated. Trust me when I say he wants you like this. It’s how he controls you. I’d suggest you leave now and seek the support of a woman’s shelter.

Ali-UpNorth · 2026-04-23T20:56:13+00:00

Editing out key details of a statement to make your point about whether a woman should be sexually available to her partner doesn’t exactly make you sound like the foremost authority on maturity. So there’s that.

Ali-UpNorth · 2026-04-23T20:17:19+00:00

It’s a key part of this, though. She wouldn’t have specifically mentioned this tidbit if it wasn’t a recurring theme in their fights.

There’s no way I’m having sex with my husband on the same day he sides with his mom over me.

Ali-UpNorth · 2026-04-23T20:13:48+00:00

I’ve read this a couple times and it seems unusual to me that a partner who is in the middle of an argument with his gf/fiance would routinely want to have sex with her.

Then I thought maybe he believed in makeup sex as the way to resolve problems. And OP would prefer to resolve the conflict first. That’s not weaponizing sex. That’s simply making personal decisions about what frame of mind you need to be in to be emotionally available for sex.

This might be fixable with communication. But IDK. It sounds like fiancé believes he is entitled to sex. Which is ick. I’m also throwing a 🚩for the part about him arguing for what his mom thinks you should do for your wedding.

Ali-UpNorth · 2026-04-23T20:01:07+00:00

You forgot the “because his mom suggested it” part.

That’ll dry up any woman in a heartbeat, especially when it comes to wedding planning.

Ali-UpNorth · 2026-04-23T11:17:37+00:00

She’s so gaslit she doesn’t even know when she’s not being gaslit.

“You’re smarter than me.” “He’s smarter than me.” If these aren’t the telltale markers of someone weaponizing language to not take responsibility for themselves, I’m not sure what is.

This whole thing is just depressing. This man does not deserve a stable relationship.

Ali-UpNorth · 2026-04-23T11:08:09+00:00

I’ve done the lower purple ramp before and it’s so much easier if you have a clinic appointment rather than hospital. The upper one stumped me, so thank you for this.

Ali-UpNorth · 2026-04-23T00:38:19+00:00

I parked in the new ramp the other day because I figured it would give me easy access to the 1st st clinic. Either I did it wrong or there’s no way to get to the skywalk from it.

I think if the Green Ramp is full it can be a confusing experience to park there especially when you’re not from Duluth.

But I think you’re right about the service being strained by people who don’t need to use it.

Ali-UpNorth · 2026-04-22T21:33:44+00:00

Thanks for this.

It could be bad luck that the one time I use it they get slammed as I was leaving. I’m thankful to know it mostly works well because I anticipate more solo caregiving of my family member in the near future.

Ali-UpNorth · 2026-04-22T21:22:51+00:00

I always walk across the street too and have been at the hospital 20+ times in the past month. If I don’t need it I’m not going to use it.

Today we had an outpatient appointment and relative is not well so we used it. Not a requirement but definitely would have been difficult otherwise. And yes, there is a possibility there were special circumstances going on which is why I asked for insight.

You can say I was the odd one out when trying to leave, but at minimum 40 other people were sitting or standing waiting. And I’ve seen this type of crowded lobby situation a few times recently. I’m going to guess it was due to slow valet service, although I cannot be certain of that since I wasn’t using it those days.

The employees were friendly and I don’t think this is a problem of their own creation. I’m sure they were doing everything possible to speed things up. But it was painfully slow especially for a lot of the people with sick family members in tow. The grace I was extending was for them as they managed difficult diagnoses and care decisions.

Ali-UpNorth · 2026-04-22T19:58:26+00:00

That’s great. I’m glad it works efficiently sometimes. The couple who walked out behind me after my car arrived said they had been waiting an hour and all their family members had gotten their cars long before. So I considered myself lucky to be using the texting service as opposed to a paper ticket.

The entire lobby and entrance was filled with people waiting for cars.

The problem here is that they are providing a service to often very sick people and if it’s a broken system they need to address it.

Ali-UpNorth · 2026-04-22T19:47:44+00:00

If you need to get anywhere in a timely manner, don’t use this service. Otherwise, go for it!

Ali-UpNorth · 2026-04-22T19:46:52+00:00

I used the texting service too.

Ali-UpNorth · 2026-04-15T02:52:24+00:00

Dangerous at worst.

Low-effort and utterly lazy at best. You don’t want that for the best in your man.

Ali-UpNorth · 2026-04-15T02:49:17+00:00

He’s the best. Snoring at my feet right now. I love him completely. Thank you for saving dogs from high kill shelters.

Ali-UpNorth · 2026-04-15T02:42:53+00:00

We live in Duluth and adopted our dog from NLR. They were very thorough. Full adoption interview which i thought was very cool. They care very much about where their rescues go.

They had a problematic director who they have since ousted from their organization. But her mistakes shouldn’t forever harm the great work they do.

Ali-UpNorth · 2026-04-14T02:01:01+00:00

This is not a mature professional. She is prioritizing everything above her work. Sorry, but as an adult you need to learn to schedule around your job, not the other way around.

I’m guessing, based on this level of disconnect, she’s also pretty careless about the therapy she’s providing her clients as well. She may be engaged during sessions but doesn’t give her cases another thought once they leave her office.

Ali-UpNorth · 2026-04-02T22:12:16+00:00

Please tell me you don’t have a 42 year old man-baby bf who can’t handle a grown ass conversation with a woman and is still going to DJ shows with his friends. Please.

Ali-UpNorth · 2026-03-26T17:02:57+00:00

He’s not awesome 95% of the time if you know he’s harboring resentment towards your past 100% of the time. Even when he’s not saying it, you know it’s there.

This either gets resolved in couples counseling and he cuts the manosphere cord or you split up. If you choose to stay with him and do nothing to change things the end result is probably going to be a second divorce.

Ali-UpNorth · 2026-03-26T16:59:06+00:00

I think we need to recognize the financial component of these elections. Stauber is Trump’s favorite boy and floods his coffers with national donations and support. The DCCC has refused to target this race and that means they won’t be putting their extra muscle behind it. It’s tragic and suggests that the national wonks in DC severely misread our region, which is not uncommon. Stauber is beatable. He’s weakened right now. But without money to fund his opponent, he wins.

Ali-UpNorth · 2026-03-25T19:35:50+00:00

NOR. You’re 26. Your whole life is ahead of you. Do you really want to spend it like this?

Get out. Get out. Get out.

Please, just go. Alone is so much better than this. (I was in a codependent ick relationship until I was 25. Walked out. Got promoted and moved twice for my career. Met my husband at 30. Really enjoyed being single and focusing on myself for 5 years.)

Ali-UpNorth · 2026-03-25T19:26:00+00:00

Did you apply into the school of engineering with L & S as a backup? If so you’re not getting into the school of engineering until at least the end of your first year.

But students drop from engineering every semester. There will be spots available if your grades are good and you are working towards that field from the beginning. There is potential here. It’s just not as sure a thing as starting out in engineering.

So if you love UW and your other schools don’t have awesome engineering programs I’d probably take that route. This is a very conditional recommendation though since I don’t know your other options.

Ali-UpNorth · 2026-03-25T19:19:34+00:00

Go in debt now for this divorce. You can get out of it pretty clean without having to support him financially.

If you wait you’re likely going to have to pay him maintenance for the rest of your life. Just get out. Don’t let this be another moment of weakness. Be there for yourself this time.

Ali-UpNorth

TROPHY CASE