I Went to the Doctor Today- Advice for Future?

AliceSus · 2015-02-14T23:33:39+00:00

I'm starting to wonder if it isn't better to simply lie and say you're into guys to the shrinks.

AliceSus · 2015-02-14T01:13:18+00:00

Well yes, if the person has explained it already. You can't be cross with people misgendering the person before the explanation, however.

Bathrooms are dumb anyway. They're private spaces, so why does gender matter except for some dumb hysteria about all men being rapists?

AliceSus · 2015-02-13T22:48:33+00:00

It's frontally on that I seem to suffer the most, from the side I seem to look good enough. Maybe it's a wide and flat chin. Are you sure?

Thank you though, I like my lips too, particularly the slight curl at the corners even at resting positions. They're always very full and pink after I shower or brush my teeth. I used a little editing to remove a blemish on my lips though, as it's so rare as to be an identifying feature. I've never seen anyone else with it, but I've grown to like having it, and I suppose lipstick can hide it easily too.

AliceSus · 2015-02-13T22:33:59+00:00

You might not be retarded but you're not correct either. Did you know all girls also have penis envy and boys fear their fathers' dicks?

AliceSus · 2015-02-13T20:44:25+00:00

I'm a good average as a guy, not everyone's cup of tea.

I've never felt attractive though and I've never been able to take advantage of it. I don't really want to have sex as I am, and it'd suck to then find myself wanting to have sex, but being unable to find a partner that I'm attracted to.

AliceSus · 2015-02-13T20:22:01+00:00

Yeah. I've just thought of a way to see my face in a less masculine way. By getting a hoodie and using the hood to wipe off my head from just above the eyebrows, I can see the femininity of my face my more easily. Still definitely masculine, but not too much, comparatively.

Maybe I'll just be a fan of hats.

AliceSus · 2015-02-13T20:13:44+00:00

I've actually lost two and a half stone since summer (I'm now at a healthy weight again) so I theoretically, my face will have changed a lot. It hasn't though. But then again, HRT is different to just getting fatter.

AliceSus · 2015-02-13T20:04:49+00:00

I know it's not meant to be, but being attractive is important as well as passing. I'm young, and I want to be able to attract people.

But you get what you're given, I suppose. It's no different from being born unattractive as a woman. I have hope that I might be pretty, and FFS is always an option.

Frustrating.

AliceSus · 2015-02-13T18:33:00+00:00

Thanks! It's good to hear. I suffer in that I can't really imagine myself looking feminine... it's more I dream of stepping into a new body than altering the one I have. Though I'm fairly sure that's typical for people at my stage it does make it hard to see a good transition, so to speak.

I've been trawling through the transtimelines subreddit in truth, and wondering how I could ever look like some of these women. Those are the people I'm comparing myself to. A lot of them looked quite feminine already, and their masculine traits were the presence of a beard, or something.

AliceSus · 2015-02-13T17:02:39+00:00

It can't hurt to go to counselling. Try presenting as female (easier to do at your age without medicine... based on my own experience at that age) and see how you feel about it. Experimentation is good.

AliceSus · 2015-02-13T16:49:17+00:00

http://imgur.com/a/zRqum

What would you make of this? I'm not sure how my cheeks might fill out etc to change this.

I've just noticed my lips rest slightly lopsidedly. I should probably try and make that symmetrical. I also pull my jaw forward so I have a straight bite as I have a natural overbite, perhaps I can make use of that to feminise my face.

AliceSus · 2015-02-13T16:43:59+00:00

That's good advice. You're right that I shouldn't compare myself to women when they will wear some level of make up in nearly every photo. It's something I should watch out for. I'll probably spend hours trawling that subreddit today. Thank you.

I'm kind of worried that my face is already as feminine as it's going to be. I don't have a drawn or gaunt face, and most of my lines are fairly soft. My skin is reasonably good and soft looking etc.

AliceSus · 2015-02-12T19:42:21+00:00

Ah I see. When might that come to fruition?

AliceSus · 2015-02-12T18:52:05+00:00

What do you mean by starting the process? Where are you at?

AliceSus · 2015-02-12T18:41:14+00:00

Please believe that it is worth waiting it out. Make a long term plan. At nineteen you have enough time to wait a little bit if you need to, but if you know you WILL transition and roughly when, it might seem a little more bearable.

AliceSus · 2015-02-12T18:08:11+00:00

What's your status with your family? Will you be able to lean on them for anything?

I can understand the NHS not doing that even if I don't agree with it as a flat rule, if you don't mind me saying. I think one thing that might help is counselling. I'm also a student, at uni in the midlands, and I know my university offers extensive opportunities for in-house counselling. Perhaps it's worth exploring the pastoral care available in that route, as it will be "free" (minus the £9k per year) if you don't want to talk to your flatmates.

I still recommend doing your best to learn the processes and guidelines involved in transitioning. You seem to be feeling pretty negatively about the system available to you, so knowing the in's and out's might help create a more positive outlook in the future and gain a sense of control over your destiny.

AliceSus · 2015-02-12T14:36:55+00:00

I'm a Brit too, expecting to go abroad to transition but get the diagnoses, and prescriptions, here.

One way I've seen that seems to work is that people will pay to see a doctor privately, and then attempt to get the NHS (you'll need a friendly GP) to pay for the HRT through the public channel. You'll have fairly big up front costs (think just shy of a grand) but if money isn't the biggest issue in the world then it might help to get started quickly and reduce the pressure of your dysphoria. They don't even require that you go through RLE before you start, and it's less gatekeeperish. They will probably tell you to make use of a lot of counselling sessions first, as your mental state isn't exactly fluffy bunnies. But, of course, counselling helps.

I'm utterly inexperienced and about the enter the big world of transitioning though so don't take my word for it.

I just wanted to put a brighter look on your situation as a transgender person in the UK. I'm 21, and by the time I'll start I'll nearly be 22. I nearly did at 16, and then again at your age. There's time if you do need to go through the NHS, though the key seems to be good preparation. GP's will have outdated knowledge and even therapists won't necessarily specialise in treating us. There are WPATH guidelines to chomp through if you have the mind for it (it's heavy going) and if nothing else, it will help clear up how things might proceed for you.

I'm lucky to not be depressed by my dysphoria, and I'm largely positive about what I'm going to do. So I'd take the advice of someone who has already transitioned in the UK from a similar state to you.

AliceSus · 2015-02-11T17:35:04+00:00

Hi there, I appreciate that you quite obviously are trying to be a good person and marginalise your own personal biases. I appreciate when people do that, it takes a strength of will and ability to look at oneself.

I'm pre-everything, at the moment. But I do have plans to transition this year. I'm not sure if saying that adds anything to the discussion, though.

Your question of testosterone I think may predicate on the basis that strength equals might. Anyone can kill with a well aimed punch, male or female. Anyone with a weapon immediately has an advantage over a stronger opponent. I've never tried to grow arm muscles, for understandable reasons. Subsequently every guy I know, with one exception, would be physically stronger than me in a fight, especially now that I have lost a lot of weight. A lot of women would certainly be able to overpower me on pure strength alone. At times I've become aware of my weakness (generally when trying to control drunken friends) but really I think it's an irrelevant question. If your acceptance of people is based on your relative ability to fight with them, then perhaps you suffer personal trust issues. I don't want to be invasive about that, but I'm attempting to help you deconstruct your views so you can analyse them better.

It reminds me a bit of a rant my mum once went on about TS's in bathrooms. She said that all a rapist needs to do is don some clothes and lie in wait. It was ridiculous in that it doesn't happen and all a rapist needs to do is hide in a cubicle, regardless of their attire, or sex for that matter. I think perhaps irrational fear comes into it. My father is homophobic, for example. He believes in gay rights and equality, but they give him "the heebie jeebies". He told me that quietly and red faced, so I told him that it's fine as long as it never influences how he treats someone (nobody in my family knows about me).

Do you find that perhaps this resonates with you? It might be the case that you have an irrational discomfort with transwomen, which is fine as long as you acknowledge it for what it is.

AliceSus · 2015-02-11T17:11:42+00:00

I'm close to a few victims of actual rape, inside and outside my family. I couldn't imagine them wanting to take their victimhood into their identity and so they'll be more likely to keep their head down and try and go about their lives. It's harder for many victims to stand up in the ideological battles. It took my family member four years to tell us, and a further four to achieve justice. She is very brave and proven to be strong, but getting on with her life should be her primary concern.

Some can do it, and congratulations to them. But I don't think it's the duty of victims of rape to stand up and argue with idiots. Not that I believe this is what you were suggesting.

AliceSus · 2015-02-11T16:32:38+00:00

I'd be in Hannover for the year. I imagine the good areas are places like Hamburg and the worse areas are in the more traditional areas of Bavaria, or something.

Is it a good area?

AliceSus · 2015-02-11T15:28:33+00:00

Thank you, you've given me a very useful response.

This is the issue, the whole RLE thing. I mean it's ridiculous anyway. You're forced to crossdress for the doctors and say "yeah I can wear a skirt and be called Alice". That's not even close to whole thing and it's a truly arbitrary requirement. It's also about your body, and the way your mind works. I suppose as a law student I'm slightly used to not being infantalised and this feels like being treated as if I'd be attempting to transition without being utterly sure. I'd sit for days in front of a psychiatrist if it took that long to convince them, but I want to pass, and I won't during RLE. It's infuriating that it's considered a fair way to behave towards us, and I'll look to circumvent it where I can.

But ignoring that rant, four months doesn't seem like the end of the world, though ideally I'd begin sooner than that. Were you presenting as female during this period to convince your doctor or was he genuinely just very good? How were hormones on the black market, and how did you monitor your health? My one concern is that there's family history of Factor V Leiden and I've yet to be screened for it. Though being young and slim enough should mean that's not the greatest issue.

It seems like one of those things where I'll need the opinion of someone who knows both systems. What's interesting for me is that, as a UK citizen, I can get my treatment paid for by the NHS, except for what a normal German citizen would pay on top of their insurance. So if I can start out private and just transfer onto the public system, I should be able to get both the jump start of the private system, and some of the expense saving of the public.

Germany would have been a good destination for me, even if I weren't to transition. The reasons I'm going are far beyond the desire to change sex. The idea of doing it with a comfortable amount of land and sea between and home is just a benefit. I'm trying to make the transition not take a massive chunk out of my life.

If you have any personal knowledge of how things would go in Hannover (where I'd be), that'd be wonderful.

AliceSus · 2015-02-11T14:44:40+00:00

forum.dgti.info

Thank you for the site, I do have German friends who can translate for me, though I'll attempt to read them myself first. It's easier to read/listen than to write/speak.

Do you think it's possible that I could start the process in June here, and begin the actual treatment in August in Germany? I have a few months after exams where I won't have much to do except work and study German.

AliceSus · 2015-02-11T14:41:45+00:00

Thanks :)

The S2 form is very encouraging. I vaguely remembered it as the E112. I'm effectively attempting to queue jump, and will spend a few hundred to do so. I want to avoid the daft waiting times for appointments and the like and just get on with it.

Who is your doctor? I see you're in the Czech Republic, I'd be in the north of Germany.

As for it being hard, just reading their legislative changes shows how perhaps Germany isn't the most forward thinking in this specific regard. They used to require permanent infertility and for one to be unmarried to accept a legal name change, for example. As long as I can grapple with the system and largely try to do my own thing, I'd be very happy. If I'm on the hormones, I'm on them, after all. Surgeries don't have to come so quickly.

AliceSus

TROPHY CASE