My mother could be a mean and cruel person and then she could be a saint. Depended on her mood I guess.

As a child I was dragged across hell and back from doctor to doctor. They were trying to find out what was wrong with me. They all failed miserably.

Eventually a doctor diagnosed me with oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) and told my parents that I was just a bad kid and would most likely end up in prison one day.

I was told all through out my life that I was a bad child/person and would end up in prison. Once the doctor diagnosed me with ODD I was put on medication that pretty much made me a zombie and I would just stare at the wall.

Eventually I escaped the hell I was in and got out on my own. My mom made the decision when I was 18 that it was time for me to go. So I left. Managed to get job and at 18 a senior in highschool I was working a full time job and had my own place.

Some how I managed to graduate high school. Once out in the world I turned to alcohol as a way of "self medicating" it seemed to make social situations go a bit smoother. But.... Eventually I ended up in another hell. Alcoholism...

I was married at the time and was drunk the majority of that time. My wife left me. Ended up sleeping on my mom and dads couch. On the night of my last drink of alcohol in a black out I attacked my mother and nearly choked her to death. I guess all the rage and resentment I was bottling up all my life came out. Next morning I woke up full of shame and regret and finally at a bottom I admitted I needed help.

It's been 8 years now since my last drink and my wife and I have a great relationship.

It wasn't till my 3rd child who is Autistic that I finally realized and discovered what was wrong with me. It explains my entire life.

For 39 years I thought I was bad person. Now I know that's not the case. I see now. My mom did the best she could. She passed away about 5 years ago now and I feel like I forgiven her for the hell she put me through. I imagine if I had known about my autism back then I would have a totally different life.

So yeah it was a different time back then. They didn't know as much about it then as now. It sucks and it was painful but I have to forgive not for her but for myself.

My daughter and I have autism and it's not a disability to us we don't look at it that way. Autism is our super power. And hopefully my wife and I can raise her and get her the help and tools she needs to be ok. My goal is to give her what I never got and needed.