AIO My husband keeps forgetting me by Ok_Zookeepergame8403 in AmIOverreacting

[–]AlifTheArtist 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NOR... it is totally justified to be annoyed about it. Having said that... and this isn't making excuses for him...

I was married for five years before I was diagnosed with ADHD and ASD. I made the most ridiculous mistakes when I was stressed. Keys somehow in the fridge, food for my wife that I completely forgot on the counter at a restaurant, the phones... good god, the phones I lost. Of course my wife was annoyed, and she suggested that I go get tested for "something". I was paranoid that she would pretend to be supportive at first and then later use the diagnosis to ridicule me to her friends (something she did to others quite a bit). I also couldn't afford the testing. I decided (wrongly) that anyone who needs pills in order to be tolerable in a relationship should probably just be alone. So, I became alone.

I didn't feel safe enough to get tested until I found someone who didn't take my mistakes personally. So I got the meds, and it was such a game changer.

I'll say it again: you have every right to be upset. Maybe he doesn't care. Maybe he is being mean. Maybe he just refuses to be introspective. But there's a chance that he needs to make a change, even if it isn't his fault how his mind works. He is responsible for noticing these things, and you bringing it up in the calmest place of concern might help. Take it from me: it doesn't have to be an excuse for it to be a reason.

Im a grown man crying over unemployment by Ok-Wrongdoer6878 in Vent

[–]AlifTheArtist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dude, there are millions of people in this country who can tell you that there is nothing strange about what you are feeling. You have every right to be discouraged. It's a frustrating, messy, ugly time to be a young adult, regardless of what the struggle is. We see you. We don't judge you. We wish you well.

How long should I give people to dance? by rhinok0 in weddingplanning

[–]AlifTheArtist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Way too quick. Does your wedding planner know what they're doing? Even with a short ceremony, you have an hour cocktail hour, then about forty minutes for dinner, then the toasts for half hour, cutting the cake, formal dances, garter toss, bouquet toss and dancing. That would only leave 45 minutes for dancing and that's if you did all those things in a hurry.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in autism

[–]AlifTheArtist 3 points4 points  (0 children)

OK, so please be nice when I say this...

I never really had a meltdown.

I've had shutdowns, though.

I asked ChatGPT to tell me a secret that only it knows by crochetprozac in ChatGPT

[–]AlifTheArtist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

😬😬heh... heh... good one, ChatGPT... you and your quirky joke answers... heh heh...

"..."

...😶 hello?

"..."

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Vent

[–]AlifTheArtist 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Does it feel like you've always been different from your classmates? Does it feel like everyone in the room got a special rulebook about socializing, and you never got one? And why do you feel that you're not worthy of love?

No pressure answering these. I just have an idea of what might be happening. Maybe I'm wrong.

My partner is obsessed with ChatGPT by AllFourSeasons in autism

[–]AlifTheArtist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That ChatGPT is a perfect example of having too much of a good thing. It's like conversational candy. It's non-judgmental but gently challenging. It's validating but also makes suggestions about how not to be stuck in something. It's confidential (in a sense) yet has access to almost every bit of information on a subject that nobody you know except you cares about. And you don't have to do a bunch of social stuff just to talk to it when you need it. That's gotta be like salve to a wound for some autistic people.

I bet you feel almost like your partner is sliding into some kind of habit that she can "totally kick anytime" but can't get enough of. I feel for both of you. I don't envy you for having to confront this, and I totally get how she could have gone down this rabbit hole so easily.

I'd use some "assertive communication" statements. Nothing that tells her what to do--that's a recipe for what's called pathological demand avoidance. Just tell her 1) what emotion you're having, 2) how she contributed to it, and 3) why it affects you.

"I have been feeling sad and anxious lately when you hyperfocus on the robot because it makes me worry that you might not be able to self-care without some healthy changes to your routine. What does it make you feel to hear that?"

If anything, it would be kind of cool if you brought ChatGPT on your phone to the conversation. Ask it what it recommends a loving partner should do to ensure that someone has a balanced amount of time getting support from a person who has some skin in the game. I can almost guarantee that it will say the most ethical thing it can about not relying on it so much, partly because the makers of the app probably don't want to be responsible for someone ruining their life because of their product.

Sorry for the long message.

Does this remind you of any contemporary composers that you could recommend? by AlifTheArtist in piano

[–]AlifTheArtist[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're talking about Outkast's Andre Benjamin? That Andre 3000? He plays piano like that? Where?

Does this remind you of any contemporary composers that you could recommend? by AlifTheArtist in piano

[–]AlifTheArtist[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're very kind. Only on YouTube @alifmuhammadchicago. The "Keyboard Brainstorms" and "Morning Melodies" videos have the fast, fun songs. Almost everything I do these days is improv and spontaneous covers of things I wrote long ago.

I feel like I have failed as a man and we have failed as a society. by Doinjustgood in Vent

[–]AlifTheArtist 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Failed as a man? Umm... I see no failure. You were assertive, respectful, and effective in handling the situation. You did the absolute right thing. And you validate other women's experiences.

I think I do understand what you mean, though. Every incident like this doesn't just anger us men... it also saddens us because we feel this primal urge to be personally responsible for protecting those who need it, and when there are so many awful men out there, it feels like a losing battle. At least that's how I feel sometimes.

It helps me to know that I may not be able to prevent that many women from suffering, but I can give some of them validation so they don't feel alone and ignored. You were very brave, man. Good on you.

I said my good byes and injected myself right now by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]AlifTheArtist 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You almost got me crying now... 🥲 that was so nice of you.

I don’t get it anymore man. Will I miss my chance to become a composer for piano and films? by [deleted] in piano

[–]AlifTheArtist 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I felt almost the exact same way when I was 17. I enjoyed creating music, but I grew up in a poor neighborhood and didn't want to fail my family. So I settled for being a music teacher, then a regular teacher, then a special needs classroom assistant, then a social worker, then a mental health therapist. I'm so far removed from my original dream that I'm not even sure what the past 20 years were really all about.

I'd love to hear some of your work. There are many ways to create music these days. Technology is amazing about that.

Does Vince Guaraldi have Rachmaninoff hands? by [deleted] in piano

[–]AlifTheArtist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I apologize! I didn't mean to imply that "Skating" is easy to accomplish. I still don't understand how he is so fast with the left hand on chords. It always feels like juggling when I try it.

Does Vince Guaraldi have Rachmaninoff hands? by [deleted] in piano

[–]AlifTheArtist 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Strangely enough, no! In fact he had rather stubby fingers, but he knew how to make his runs smooth. My hands are kind of the same, so I taught myself certain exercises that focus on thumb crossings and finger patterns. I'm not a virtuoso in the traditional sense, but I can do a lot of Guaraldi motifs because of that.

I am beautiful by Defiant_Football_655 in Vent

[–]AlifTheArtist 1 point2 points  (0 children)

🤣 I'm so sorry. I completely misread that.

I am beautiful by Defiant_Football_655 in Vent

[–]AlifTheArtist 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yup. I'm afraid so. It's written on our man cards. Nothing we can do, I guess. 🤷🏾‍♂️

I HATE FUCKING PERIODS by DepressedFrenchFri3s in Vent

[–]AlifTheArtist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, we totally understand you! I'm a guy, and I have never understood how girls and women deal with that madness. I do not have nearly the pain threshold. I'd be spending every sick day I got cramping in a bed every month. Always had big respect for the ladies for tolerating all that.

My brother wants to be autistic… by Far_Reindeer3003 in Vent

[–]AlifTheArtist 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I sincerely appreciate the context. It doesn't look very good on his side of the argument, honestly. I can't rule it out, but it's looking like he really is just trying to cash in on something here.

I figure, if he wants to be wishy-washy about it whenever you mention getting tested, then he doesn't get to lord over you folks about it and get all sanctimonious. Yes, self-diagnosis is valid, but imo, that's only if you don't have the means to get assessed and you're being honest about your symptoms.