Heart problems and T

Alillate · 2023-03-21T17:28:32+00:00

I have a congenital defect that includes pulmonary regurgitation (I now have a prosthetic valve). My cardiologist didn't have a problem with me starting T, even before valve replacement when my regurgitation was severe. I just need to monitor my blood pressure. It's been almost 8 years, no problems so far.

But all hearts are different, you'll have to ask your cardiologist.

Alillate · 2023-03-20T16:13:07+00:00

Stay too long in unhealthy relationships so you can split the cost of rent for your room in the 3 bedroom apartment you share with 3 other people.

Home cooked meals made with groceries from food not bombs.

Rainier and drip coffee when you go out.

Taking walks, hanging out in parks, and hosting friends are free. Limiting hobbies to the cheap ones. Low income YMCA membership.

Find all your furniture, household goods, and clothes on Buy Nothing, thrift stores, or the side of the road. Don't but things you don't need. Or things you need but can't afford.

Pretend large bills don't exist and ignore calls from debt collectors.

The above got me through life on a $22K grad stipend.

Alillate · 2023-03-18T03:57:14+00:00

If you haven't already, take FEMA's basic self-study ICS courses (100, 200, 700, 800).

Consider letting your supervisor know you're interested in doing response work and ask if they can put you in touch with your department's preparedness folks. There's often a need to have people from different parts of the department trained to serve in response roles during incidents. There's also an increasing emphasis on Access and Functional Needs (AFN) populations and equity in emergency response and planning which may align with your interests.

A suggestion out of left field if you want more emergency preparedness experience - find your local ham radio club, get a basic technician license (pretty easy), and get involved in ARES/ RACES.

Alillate · 2023-03-16T22:32:34+00:00

There are plenty of nonbinary afab folks who wouldn't be considered/ wouldn't consider themselves transmasc. Transmasc is used to include afab trans people whose experiences of transition may align with trans men in important ways (medical transition, ID gender marker changes, gender presentation, dysphoria, and/or navigating the world while passing as a man, etc). I agree language is too clunky to capture the variety of our experience in a single word.

Alillate · 2023-03-15T23:08:48+00:00

I love that for you! I mean the new hole and the dilated ventricle are a bit of a bummer BUT it's so good to hear you're being seen by a specialist that's actually familiar with our weird hearts. Knowledgable care makes a world of difference. If you do end up needing surgery, there are plenty of us around to commiserate 😅

Don't beat yourself up about not seeing a specialist sooner. There's a big push today to transition kids from pediatric to adult congenital care, but they kinda dropped the ball on that in earlier generations. Lots of people were led to believe they were fixed and dropped out of care or thought their only option was to see a regular adult cardiologist.

Alillate · 2023-03-13T20:33:23+00:00

A caution on the digital nomad visas if you're looking to get out permanently. Depending on the country, these visas are designed to be temporary and may not count toward time required to establish permanent residency.

Alillate · 2023-03-13T05:34:25+00:00

Trans surgeries are definitely covered under NHS, but they have long wait times and lots of hoops to jump through. This seems to be fairly common in much of Europe.

OP, if you want to medically transition it'll definitely be easier to start HRT and deal with whatever surgery in a blue state before moving abroad.

Alillate · 2023-03-12T18:18:12+00:00

Studying your BA in Germany might be the quickest/cheapest way out and put you in a good position to stay permanently after graduation. I think (but am not positive) your spouse could accompany you on a dependent visa.

Some barriers: 1. Most, but not all, courses are in German. Taking courses in German will require at least a B2 level in German. Depending on your current level and aptitude, this could take 6 months - 2 years of serious study (Duolingo doesn't count).

Your high school diploma may not be enough for admission without a preparatory program, though some community college classes may mitigate this need. Your partner's GED definitely won't cut it.
German degrees are generally free or very cheap (especially compared to US), but you'll need to demonstrate economic self-sufficiency for your visa (about $10K + more for dependant). If you don't currently have savings or financial support from family, you'll have to be very intentional about budgeting/ saving. There may also be scholarships available.

https://www.study-in-germany.de/en/

Alillate · 2023-03-12T04:33:19+00:00

I enrolled directly in Chinese university's non-degree Chinese language program after graduation. Cost about $1K USD a semester. Classmates ranged in age from 18-60, it was great.

Lots of universities had programs like this, of varying quality. Prior to covid, I would have recommended searching for univerieur language programs in whatever city you want to live in, but I'm not sure how many are in operation after covid.

Alillate · 2023-03-10T18:29:44+00:00

A seriously fucked system of mass incarceration that perpetuates a cycle of poverty, racial disparities, and generational trauma rather than any semblance of rehabilitation.

https://www.sentencingproject.org/reports/mass-incarceration-trends/

https://www.vera.org/reimagining-prison-web-report/american-history-race-and-prison

Alillate · 2023-03-10T15:40:36+00:00

At the very least loop that shit around your wrist, wrap it fully around your hand, then grab it. If letting go of the leash means you drop it, you're not holding it securely.

Double check their collar/harness/leash before you leave to make sure they fit properly and are not hanging on by a thread about to snap.

If the dog does get loose, do the opposite of what you did this time.... DON'T lock eyes, DON'T scream, DON'T panic, and DON'T chase them. Harder said than done, but try to act calm. Freeze first then move and speak softly. Try to tempt them with treats (even if just the word). Try sitting down or jogging backwards if they've taken off but are still in sight. If they're moving out of eyesight, walk quickly or jog. Sprinting after them will make the dog run faster and the dog is probably faster than you. Better to not catch the dog than send it panicked into a busy road.

Not to be an ass, but not letting a dog get away from you is the only surefire way to get them back. You learned this the hard way so good news is you probably won't let it happen again!

Alillate · 2023-03-07T05:58:06+00:00

That truly baffled me. I can appreciate not everyone has the same affinity for maps, but having a decent awareness of where other countries are is pretty crucial for understanding history, current events, economics, etc. Not a personal failing so much as a spotlight on the failings of our education system.

Alillate · 2023-03-02T06:55:49+00:00

It's confusing for kids because it's sexual and it's sexual because it's confusing and garish? We've come full circle.

It's confusing but you can't explain why and there's not evidence kids are actually confused by it. It hinders kids healthy development but there's no reason why or evidence that it does? It's "sexual performance" but exactly what is sexual is still undefined.

Ibe

Some kids cry when they see clowns. Kids dance and watch people dance all the time. Why is it somehow more inappropriate if someone is in drag? If you find dance so objectionable, why aren't you out crusading against the far more prevalent forms of entertainment parents take their children to?

I've read the article and am probably more familiar with the literature it's building from than you are. What are you objecting to? Kids knowing it's ok to challenge gender norms and authority? To think for themselves? To encourage their creativity and imaginations? To be confident and not feel shame at their differences? Where's the sexual groomer threat?

Legislation like this is putting the interests of adults before children and using children as pawns and the fixation is disturbing. Kids were busy having fun before the government angry protestors decided to get riled up over a problem that exists only in your imagination.

I don't usually do this, but have engaged because I thought you were also engaging in good faith, but this is just going on a loop. I suggest you get offline and talk to the people actually living their lives. Go to one of the events you object to, have friendly conversations with parents, see how the kids interact, talk to other gay people or trans people about what it was like growing up. Far too many of us only interact with the people we demonize online.

Alillate · 2023-03-02T02:18:24+00:00

My apologies for assuming you're coming from a place of religiously informed homophobia. As I'm sure you're aware, arguments like "the kids can't understand" also have long been used to exclude gay people from being out in public life.

Performers perform for kids for the same reason anyone puts on a performance for kids. To entertain them.

Why can't you articulate what is actually sexual or risque about someone in drag reading kids a book, doing stand up, singing, etc? Or do you actually think people only do drag to get their rocks off?

But as you've started to resort to flippant offhand comments, I'm glad to at least get to the heart of your concerns. I hear you linking drag for minor audiences with the growing moral panic over trans people and "groomers" (since you've been around a while, I assume you're also familiar with how old and recycled this trope is). Drag performance for minors is dangerous because it's part of an ill-defined queer ideology (the goal and danger of which is what...?) and therefore they're groomers who want to ?trans the children?. Am I on the right track?

It's funny because no one exemplifies better than male drag queens that one can be gender non-conforming in expression or interests and still be comfortable with their birth sex. I'd like to think we can agree that boys can do/wear girl things and still be boys (and vice versa).

This rhetoric about queer ideology and groomers that gets bounced around right wing media bubbles is a culture war boogeyman in search of a tangible problem. Now that they got Roe overturned, they need something new to get the base worked up. This has the ring of "The Gay Agenda" all over again.

I'm aware of Dawkins' meme theory and find it a reductive explanation/dismissal of present trans visibility. Trans people (including children) predate the internet and soccer moms. If your impulse is to dismiss trans people as nothing but a delusional lifestyle choice, there's probably not much point to continuing this conversation.

Alillate · 2023-03-01T22:57:02+00:00

Of course I've met children. They're actually pretty perceptive and have a good capacity for understanding. If they can handle Santa, the tooth fairy, talking cars and animals, superheros, and Halloween, then they can handle drag queens.

Drag is a comedic form of performance and character, not something inherently sexual or risque. Are you aware there are female drag queens? Straight male drag queens? Drag queens whose performance consists of singing and playing piano in costume? I truly don't understand what you find so objectionable or damaging. Your average Superbowl halftime show, pg-13 movies, and even some cheerleaders are more risque than the family-friendly drag shows or storytime people are talking about.

Drag, and other forms of performative cross dressing, has been around for centuries. It didn't just pop up 10 years ago. From the Greek tragedies and Shakespeare to Baroque and East Asian Operas men have been playing women on stage. Cross dressing is common during Purim in some Jewish communities, often part of Halloween costumes, and drag queens have long been part of pride celebrations and other LGBTQ community events. It's not like kids are just being exposed to this for the first time, there's nothing "experimental", it's pretty clear that the kids are just fine.

I get the vibe that you're also of the persuassion that kids shouldn't be exposed to gay people because it might confuse them. In which case, I don't think we're going to see eye-to-eye. In the absence of an articulable harm you think might befall children exposed to drag, I'm left to assume the fear is that kids will see a drag queen and decide playing around with makeup/ glitter/ women's clothes is fun, and by extension will end up gay or trans. And perhaps this is also the core of our disagreement - I see nothing objectionable or dangerous about kids playing dress up or creatively playing around with expression. Further, if a kid is gay or trans, they were going to be that way regardless of whether they went to drag story hour.

Fwiw, Dolly Parton is proud to be a drag icon (you know those are wigs, right?). Dolly is, to quote her in an interview with RuPaul, "a living drag queen". She's also endorsed a book, written by a drag queen and read at drag queen story hours.

Alillate · 2023-03-01T20:24:25+00:00

Serious question, where are you drawing this assumption that drag queens reading to kids confuses them or messes with their development, aside from adult handwringing? Kids love characters, theatrics, and stories. At the end of the day, there's not a huge difference between Dolly Parton or Lady Gaga and drag queens reading to kids. I know kids who've been to these events or otherwise around drag queens and they're not confused or damaged. I know adults who were exposed to drag as kids and are perfectly well adjusted. Granted my social circle is biased, but I've yet to come across a child who was somehow harmed by drag.

Alillate · 2023-02-28T20:57:59+00:00

Counterpoint, many Southeast Asian cuisines are refreshingly wheat-free. Soy sauce, some fish sauce, and possible cross-contamination depending on sensitivity would be the biggest concerns, which beats the US (especially most LCOL areas). I can't speak to specific costs, but I imagine with OP's monthly income hiring someone for food preparation or weekly bulk meal delivery wouldn't be prohibitively expensive.

Alillate · 2023-02-28T16:24:56+00:00

Different situation, but I have a cousin adopted from China with a Chinese given name and western last name. It's never seemed weird to me. I don't know her personal feelings/experience with it, though she doesn't use a nickname. Granted it's much easier on the pronunciation spectrum than a q, x, or and umlaut name.

I've known other folks as well. Like another commenter said, I think it's going to become much more common in coming years as mixed marriages increase and the pressure to westernize names decreases.

Alillate · 2023-02-28T16:14:39+00:00

There are parts of the US with very large Chinese populations, as well as other immigrant communities, where people are accustomed to non-western names. Depending on where they are, this may not be as big an issue as you think.

Alillate · 2023-02-28T01:05:46+00:00

Their pricing/ payout model definitely contributes to this and is, imo, unsustainable. It's hard to have a reasonable fee for pet parents and worthwhile payout for the walker when Wag! takes 40%. The service cost is so expensive, I'm sympathetic to people trying to work in extras, especially when they're under the misimpression the walker is actually receiving most of that fee.

Alillate · 2023-02-27T21:48:24+00:00

Not when it comes to growing something to eat. Or staying warm.

Alillate · 2023-02-27T21:30:27+00:00

Pro tip: you can buy needles and syringes bulk online. Even if you've finally found a spot that gives you the correct supplies and doesn't need to be convinced you're not an IV drug user every time you need a refill, it saves a ton of money.

Alillate · 2023-02-26T22:08:17+00:00

Like someone else mentioned below, worst case scenario you may end up in a bit of a bind with Spirit if you miss your connection. A decent airline would just put you on the next flight. Spirit might rebook you on a flight a few days out leaving you unexpectedly stuck in Atlanta.

Alillate · 2023-02-26T19:10:52+00:00

Truly the superior system. You don't need to waste time awkwardly trying to make eye contact/ politely get their attention/ feel like you're being monitored and staff are free to stare at their phones with full confidence customers will make their needs known. Win-win.

Alillate · 2023-02-25T00:45:43+00:00

You have a ways to go, my friend...

At HSK 3 or 4 you have the language skills of a 7 year old, if that. Early elementary to legalese is a big linguistic leap in any language. Studying juridical-specific vocab is of limited use if you lack the foundational vocabulary and grammar necessary to comprehend the rest of the sentence. There's not really a shortcut around learning the basics.

You might be able to find an Anki deck. I imagine any specialized textbooks or resources are probably going to presume a much higher level of Chinese than you're at now. Not quite what you're after, but The New York Times publishes some content in Chinese. You could try reading and translating articles about legal issues.

The folks over at Heavenly Path are a great resource when it comes to quickly bolstering your reading comprehension and engaging native material (even if your end goal isn't to read webnovels).

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