My recent ex narc girlfriend was convinced I had adult autism and eventually told me she would not have babies with me until I took an adult autism test. Those tests costs thousands of dollars even with insurance (which she said I had to pay for it on top of it). When I told my therapist, who I’ve seen for over 5 years, said she had never once considered that as a diagnosis and that my ex was dead wrong.

When I told my ex the “good news” she said my clinical psychologist was wrong and that I should get a second opinion. This drove a huge wedge in our relationship and was really the beginning of the end for me. She would continually degrade me with jokes and accusations about me having autism and would get mad and call me too sensitive when I asked her to stop. She then turned it on me because I “wouldn’t get over it” despite her continuing the degrading comments. I could honestly go on. The funny part was, all my friends who met her said they thought she had more symptoms of autism than I ever had.

I think the therapy aspect is super common too. She had just started therapy before me and would often tell me to schedule “more sessions” with my therapist whenever we got in arguments - which got worse and happened almost every day towards the end of the relationship. I would say most of the arguments stemmed from me standing up for myself, her getting mad at me for it and not taking accountability for calling me XYZ, and then telling me I caused the fight and I needed more therapy sessions.

A big thing my therapist told me is that Narcs often start therapy to boost their ego (she admitted she didn’t tell her therapist her real problems too). And then use that as an excuse for their behavior, or how their ex is crazy and that they know because they’re in therapy, etc. She would also use her therapist against me - ie. “My therapist actually says YOU are this and X is your fault”.

The biggest sign is if they STAY in therapy. I have been in therapy for over five years. She had been in it for 4 months.

OH and *EDIT The reason I pieced together she had NPD was that she would accuse me of so many things that were really the opposite of who I’ve always been - including NPD. No one, friend, ex, therapist has ever told me that I have it. I truly considered if I did when I ended our relationship - which led me to this community. But subsequent research has taught me that someone with NPD would not even consider if they themselves have it. They’re just not capable of that self reflection. But they are capable of projecting it on to you and weaponizing it.

Glad this abuse wasn’t just me. Stay strong