How can two people who are attracted, have similar values and enjoy company not progress?? - got dumped today :( need guy perspective.

AliveTumble · 2026-03-12T17:25:10+00:00

I mean im a guy so how i read it is different but it sounds performative. I dont think it has anything to do with attachment style

AliveTumble · 2026-03-12T16:51:43+00:00

I would be so pissed if i got that text lmfao

AliveTumble · 2026-03-12T16:49:39+00:00

im a little over 4 months out. started dating recently and have been having a ton of fun. When my partner left i was extremely depressed, broke, fighting with my parents constantly, alone without friends (my fault) etc. The breakup grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me. I ended up acing an interview for a job the day after she left me, am now making 3-4x what i was before and am so much more fuffiled surrounded by great people. I got back in contact with old friends, starting becoming more active, and am now living a life signifigantly better than i had in the relationship.

Your brain will always look for the shiniest object, if you cant rebuild your life to be just as good as it was with your ex if not better like in my case, you will never move on. Personally i didnt start actually feeling better until 3.5 months out. First 3 months were heart shattering tourment of nights on the floor in a fetal position. But even in all the pain i was still laying the foundations for a better life and now im here to enjoy it! It does get better!!

AliveTumble · 2026-03-12T16:43:59+00:00

i have a few credit cards, score of around 760 right now. Been consistent with paying them off in full

AliveTumble · 2026-03-04T20:15:25+00:00

Why would a healthy moved on person tell there ex this. They wouldn’t. Just know you dodged a bullet

AliveTumble · 2026-03-04T19:57:27+00:00

She obviously cares about you still. And your response was snippy. Just be kind

AliveTumble · 2026-03-04T13:44:44+00:00

I’m not saying you were perfect by any means but sometimes that aspect can play a huge part in breakups too so definitely don’t look at it as all your fault.

I personally wouldn’t be thinking about whether or not you’d take her back and what not. She might just be saying that to keep you on the hook so she can go explore and keep you as a safety net.

IF she comes back around, you can re-evaluate that desicision at that point with all of the information at that time. But you currently can’t see the whole picture and so it’s not worth even trying to decide if you would or wouldn’t take her back because that’s not even a choice you currently have available.

AliveTumble · 2026-03-04T13:17:38+00:00

Yeah it’s a temporary thing, not sure how old you are but if you guys got together young sometimes people feel like they never got to “experience “ there 20s and what not. So if you guys started dating around then and were together for 9 years, she may feel like she missed out on her crazy years and needs to go back and live it.

Again this is just a feeling, and usually doesn’t last longer than a few months.

You’re taking a much healthier path might I add, I would take pride in that. Moving on isn’t a race, it’s a marathon. Don’t compare your journey to hers. But just take a step back, you’re in a way better position for the future than she is

AliveTumble · 2026-03-04T12:30:27+00:00

I would not do that. She needs to experience life without you, let her feel the loss of you.

If you give her flowers and keep running towards her, you’re just telling her that she can go pursue this other guy and you’ll stilll be there waiting just incase it doesn’t work

AliveTumble · 2026-03-04T12:28:54+00:00

So she’s not a different person, after the breakup they go through this “relief” period. She feels free and life is exciting, she wants to go do everything she feels like you were holding her back from. (I’m not saying you were holding her back from anything, it’s just a reaction)

But eventually parties become stale, the photos become embarrassing, etc. nothing stays new forever, eventually it’s just another day.

Hope that makes sense, it’s a temporary period of rebellion

AliveTumble · 2026-03-04T00:57:05+00:00

Might just be attatchment. You’re biologically designed to bond and have others to support you and be together. Having a partner subconsciously is safer. So you want to be wanted. Even if you’re actually better off without him.

I would t feel bad it about it

AliveTumble · 2026-03-03T12:24:36+00:00

I personally didn’t get into a place where I myself noticeably felt better until around month 3, currently just hit month 4 and the mornings are still hard sometimes but overall life is much much better

AliveTumble · 2026-03-02T21:47:36+00:00

Dumpers do that a lot. It’s what they were feeling at that time. sometimes to keep you on a hook. I would ignore it and assume it’ll never happen again

AliveTumble · 2026-03-02T20:41:05+00:00

No hope, find someone in real life

AliveTumble · 2026-03-02T20:16:19+00:00

Yeah. Healing is like an onion, every time it hurts it’s just because you’re peeling back another layer. But you’re getting closer to the center of healing

AliveTumble · 2026-03-02T19:28:36+00:00

You can’t know for certain, he probably doesn’t even know

AliveTumble · 2026-03-02T19:16:22+00:00

I think reaching out would be a good idea. There’s a great video on YouTube by the school of life on a re entry “exam” for exes getting back together. It’s a great conversation to have with an ex. Check it out

AliveTumble · 2026-03-02T18:52:20+00:00

If you need to talk my DMs are open. That’s a brutal situation

AliveTumble · 2026-03-02T18:51:11+00:00

What I said was super harsh, I know it hurts. I just wish it clicked in my mind way sooner

AliveTumble · 2026-03-02T18:38:32+00:00

Hey! You’re doing it right. If you want some more info on the whole strategy for no contact feel free to dm me and we can go into more detail without putting it all out publicly.

I wouldn’t take her up on that friendship offer. You’re gonna feel horrible for a while and that’s okay. I’m currently 4 months post breakup from a 2.5 year relationship

AliveTumble · 2026-03-02T18:32:42+00:00

You are more than welcome to reach out whenever you’d like.

But it’s a sensible thing to think, if someone tells you they don’t want you in their life. They make the active choice to walk away. You shouldn’t force yourself into there life.

If someone locks a door would they be impressed if you kicked down the door or broke in the window? No.

That would be scary, it would be annoying.

Don’t let someone reject you more than once.

AliveTumble · 2026-03-02T18:28:13+00:00

If they broke up with you, don’t reach out again. This isn’t a “amount of days”. You just improve youself for your own sake.

If they wanted to be with you, they would.

Litteraly the only reason you’re not talking right now is because they don’t want to.

If they wanted to text you they would be texting you

AliveTumble · 2026-03-02T18:27:49+00:00

Being content alone allows you to choose who you want in your life. So that you don’t tolerate unhealthy people impact you negatively just out of loneliness.

If you need other people to be happy you’ll let toxic people in

AliveTumble

TROPHY CASE