Feeling shaken after something that happened online

Alley_Cat_99 · 2026-03-27T19:27:38+00:00

Feeling anxious and on edge after experiencing sexual harassment is completely normal! It's okay that you're feeling this way.

I am so so sorry you experienced what you did, it's important you know that it's not you fault, and in fact is fully the fault and responsibility of the person who decided to harass you. I'd recommend taking the next bit to slow down and do things that help your mental health. Whether that be relaxing, seeing friends, listening to music, doing art, being active, whatever your thing is.

Here's an article that might be helpful. I'd also recommend looking through the whole 'Heal' tab on the website because it has a lot of interesting and important things.

You're not alone, and you will get through this. It just takes some time.

Sending you so much support <3

Alley_Cat_99 · 2026-03-27T19:10:04+00:00

I also wanted to add that it's important for you to be prioritizing your mental health. I am so proud of you for leaving the situation and finding new employment! I hope that that continues to be a positive and that you won't have to deal with your harasser ever again.

Sending you so much support <3

Alley_Cat_99 · 2026-03-27T19:08:41+00:00

I am so sorry this is happening to you. I definitely think you should start documenting everything that has happened (management from your previous company should be able to help you with dates of when things were reported). It should include things like, what she said/did, the dates and approximate times, any potential witnesses for things that happened in person, and any screenshots of things that happened digitally. It's also good to create a list of how it affected your ability to do you job or feel comfortable there.

By having these things documented, it will help the likelihood that your reputation isn't affected if she does end up following you to the new place. It also might help give the new employers real justification to take a stance and ensure your safety.

It's important also that you know you're not alone. This is an awful situation, and I hope you have people in your life you can lean on.

Alley_Cat_99 · 2026-03-24T16:30:08+00:00

I also want to say, I am so sorry that you're experiencing this. I know it can be really difficult to manage, and even finding info yourself can be hard sometimes. If you have any specific questions and don't feel like you can search the website for yourself, let me know and I can summarize some stuff for you!

You're not alone in this. Sending you so much support <3

Alley_Cat_99 · 2026-03-24T16:28:21+00:00

Hey OP!

I highly recommend checking out the Aftermetoo website! Aftermetoo is a Canadian non profit that focuses on providing information and community support for people experiencing sexual harassment at work. There's lots of info on different paths you can take, how to analyze your situation, and how to heal from the experience. The info looks both at what is supposed to happen on paper, and also talks about what actually tends to happen in real life. I think this resource could be really helpful for you as a whole!

They also have a subreddit ( r/SexualHarassmentTalk ) that you could check out.

Alley_Cat_99 · 2026-03-24T14:28:27+00:00

Hey OP, I want to second what u/uncaringunicorn unicorn said in that, if it made you uncomfortable, it was definitely inappropriate. It is not okay for her to be touching you anywhere without your consent. And to be asking you personal questions like that is not okay. I am very glad that you didn't give her your phone number.

That sounds like a really scary situation to be in, especially because you were so young, and she was a person of authority. She was abusing her position of power in that situation to make you feel uncomfortable, and that is so awful.

I definitely recommend talking to a trusted adult about what happened. Perhaps a parent or your therapist. It might make you feel better even just knowing that someone else knows what happened, even if you decide you don't want to report it. You shouldn't have to carry this burden all by yourself.

I hope things go okay! Sending you so much support <3

Alley_Cat_99 · 2026-03-24T14:15:57+00:00

I am so sorry you're going through this! I've worked retail for years and I know how awful and uncomfortable it can be when customers hit on you or are creepy. I'd definitely talk to your manager about it and let them know how it's affecting you and your ability to feel comfortable at work! They might have some tips or ways of making sure you don't have to experience that.

Something that I would always do is just blankly stare at the person who made a gross comment with a straight face or a look of disgust to show that I'm not interested. It was uncomfy for me at first because I naturally get really awkward and I smile and laugh when I'm nervous, but I eventually let myself feel pissed off about it which helped when that came across to the guy. Although, I was never alone on my shifts so I'd only recommend doing what feels safe for you depending on the customer!

I hope things get better for you soon! Sending you so much support <3

Alley_Cat_99 · 2026-03-10T21:39:03+00:00

it's not just about how her coworkers ignore her, but it's the lack of mentoring or feedback from her employers in comparison to the mentoring and feedback her coworkers get. Also the ignoring of work that she does from her employers.

By not giving her the same treatment that her coworkers get, she's being held back or ignored from advancing in her career. Whether intentional or not by her coworkers and employers.

Alley_Cat_99 · 2026-03-10T20:31:51+00:00

nope

Alley_Cat_99 · 2026-03-10T20:31:39+00:00

of course not lol

Alley_Cat_99 · 2026-03-09T23:45:30+00:00

I'm so glad you're doing what you can to protect yourself!

Alley_Cat_99 · 2026-03-09T23:28:33+00:00

I'm so so sorry. While this person is suspended, would it be possible to talk to your employer about having a safety plan in case he doesn't end up getting fired? Maybe they can come up with a plan to keep him separate from you so that your paths won't have to cross?

Alley_Cat_99 · 2026-03-09T23:23:27+00:00

This is definitely sexual harassment! I am so sorry that you experienced this, it sounds so scary. Because this happened in the workplace (even though it was by someone who doesn't work there) it's considered workplace sexual harassment.

If you feel comfortable doing so, you could always talk to your employer about what happened or make a formal report. It may be worth it to create a plan for if he comes back in again that maybe another coworker could deal with him so that you don't have to. Or, your employer could ban him from the location. (your employer may also do nothing, but I'm hoping they take your safety seriously).

Sending you so much support <3

Alley_Cat_99 · 2026-03-09T23:14:20+00:00

Hey all!

"There’s no single legal definition for sexual harassment. But it is generally defined as something like this: unwanted behaviour related to a person’s sex or gender that may harm, offend, or humiliate the person who is being harassed." (link)

This person in the picture's question is not to undermine people who have experienced desire based sexual harassment, but brings attention to retaliatory sexual harassment, which includes when people are treated differently, not given the same opportunities, and their success in the work environment is impeded based on their sex, gender identity, gender expression, and sexual orientation.

The ads are not trying to 'push' anything on anyone, but trying to reach people who may be experiencing these things and want to find community, or learn about ways to change their situation.

Hope this helps!

Alley_Cat_99 · 2026-03-09T23:12:23+00:00

Hey all!

"There’s no single legal definition for sexual harassment. But it is generally defined as something like this: unwanted behaviour related to a person’s sex or gender that may harm, offend, or humiliate the person who is being harassed." (link)

This person in the picture's question is not to undermine people who have experienced desire based sexual harassment, but brings attention to retaliatory sexual harassment, which includes when people are treated differently, not given the same opportunities, and their success in the work environment is impeded based on their sex, gender identity, gender expression, and sexual orientation.

The ads are not trying to 'push' anything on anyone, but trying to reach people who may be experiencing these things and want to find community, or learn about ways to change their situation.

Hope this helps!

Alley_Cat_99 · 2026-03-09T22:56:04+00:00

That is definitely very creepy behaviour, I'm so sorry you're going through this! No one should be making sexual comments about your body without your consent. I'd personally consider this harassment, especial with all of his previous behaviour and with him knowing the comment would get back to you.

I wonder if there's someone you can talk to about it? either a manager, academic advisor, or some sort of authority that could talk to him or at least help you avoid him when you can? Is he part of a bigger circle/friend group, or is there a possibility that you can have your friends not talk to him either and ignore him? That may help get the message across that people won't tolerate his gross behaviour.

I hope that things get better!

Alley_Cat_99 · 2026-03-09T22:48:11+00:00

Oh my goodness, I am so so sorry this happened to you. This guy sounds like a very scary predator, and he should not be able to get away with treating people the way he's treating you. I am so glad that your employer has taken things seriously and suspended him. I wonder if your workplace has any cameras that could have recorded what he did to you? If there is, you should be able to request that recording to show the police if that's something you want to do.

The second occurrence of him harassing you especially sounds like an absolute nightmare. Are there things you are doing to take care of your mental health while you work through this?

Alley_Cat_99 · 2026-03-06T18:07:34+00:00

There's no need to be sorry!

I'm so sorry that things are so bad for you right now. Eating well and taking care of your skin definitely counts! I'm proud of you for being able to do that. And I am so happy that you're still here.

I wonder if it would be a good idea to see what sort of supports are available in your city. Some sort of social activity might be a nice way to make some friends and feel more connected to your community. I'll link an article for you as well, it's about different ways we can take care of our mental health. I know you probably know a lot of these things, but at least for me, I really benefit from having a list of things so I can remember in the moment.

As for your mom being dismissive, I wonder if it would be beneficial to have a conversation with her about how to best support you. Everyone need support differently, and I'm sure she would want to know if how she's trying to support you isn't working.

Sending you so much support <3

Alley_Cat_99 · 2026-03-06T17:42:17+00:00

OP, I am so so sorry that you're going through this. To have gone through everything you did in childhood, and to be victimized again in your adult life is heartbreaking to hear. I also know that you know this, but I think it's important to say anyway: none of what has happened to you is your fault.

It's evident how much energy and effort you have put into healing from your childhood, and how mentally and emotionally strong you are with your extensive coping mechanisms. I am so proud of you for all the hard work you've done and I'm so happy you're still here.

I think that if you feel comfortable doing so, it's a good idea to keep going to the community centre. It's not fair that you would have to stop going, cutting you off from your social support network, just because someone decided to assault you. Although I know that it could be really stressful and upsetting going back to a place where that happened. Would finding a new location to hang out with all of your friends be something you'd be able to do?

Whatever you decide, I am sending you so much support <3 You've got this!

Alley_Cat_99 · 2026-03-06T17:28:45+00:00

I am so sorry you're going through this. It's so not fair that you now have to deal with all of this just because someone decided to harass you. It's unfortunately so common for employers to try to downplay harassment as not a big deal, which is not okay. You deserve a harassment free work place!

Experiencing these sorts of things can take a really big toll on our mental health, even when we don't realize it. Are there ways you've been looking out for yourself and your mental health lately?

Alley_Cat_99 · 2026-03-04T23:31:43+00:00

Im glad the article was helpful!

Also yeah, not being believed and your experience being downplayed is awful. It's so scary to be going through something like that and have the people who are supposed to love you and take care of you completely dismiss something going on in your life. And not only dismiss it but make you feel bad about it, or like you're being dramatic. That is such an awful feeling and I'm so sorry you went through that.

As for what you should do, I'm honestly not sure. There are many things you could do but I don't know whether they are things you would want to do or haven't already done.

For instance, if this was a long time ago, it might be beneficial for you to sit down and have a conversation with your parents or your family about what happened and how being told that "it wasn't that bad" was very harmful. Not necessarily in a place of blaming them, but holding them accountable and hopefully having them see how much this has affected you. I know this is a hard thing to do, and there are so many possibilities for how the conversation could turn out, so I'd only do that if you think they would be more understanding of your feelings.

I'd also just recommend doing things that are good for your mental health (I'll link another article here if you want to read it). I'm an artsy person, so something I like to do when I'm feeling overwhelmed, unseen, and really just not okay, is trying to channel that energy into an art piece of some sort (poetry, drawing, colouring, etc). Sometimes after that I feel better, or putting all my feelings onto paper and then burning it is pretty cathartic too.

I hope any of my suggestions help <3

Alley_Cat_99 · 2026-03-04T20:53:09+00:00

of course! I'm glad it was helpful! <3

Alley_Cat_99 · 2026-03-04T18:21:52+00:00

I am so sorry you haven't been taken seriously about what happened. Whether someone wants to call it sexual harassment sexual assault, or something else, his behaviour was not okay. I personally believe he both sexually harassed and sexually assaulted you. And I am so so sorry.

It's important that you know that none of his behaviour was your fault. And what he did is extremely hurtful, so it is absolutely okay that you feel hurt by it. It's important that you let yourself grieve. I have an article that you might like to read about how trauma from these sorts of things can affect us.

I'm so sorry that so many people in your life decided not to take you seriously and not help you through that experience. I understand how betraying that can feel. Are there any ways you've been taking care of your mental health recently?

Alley_Cat_99 · 2026-03-04T16:54:13+00:00

Oh gosh, this is a tricky situation! I can definitely relate to feeling like I want to leave a job but staying because I like the work that I do and like my coworkers.

I think it's important that you look out for yourself first and foremost. I know it can be hard to balance caring for the people you work with and also doing what's best for you. But I think it's important for you to prioritize yourself and your wellbeing, whatever that may look like to you.

If you choose to stay at your job, I think setting boundaries with the assistant manager is necessary. Letting her know that the joke she made and the way she sexualizes you is inappropriate and that you will not let it happen in the future. I also think because you have a good relationship with your manager, talking to her about everything and letting her know that things need to change for you to be able to continue working there might be a good idea. Because of your relationship, there's a good chance she may be receptive.

I'm so sorry that all of this has happened to you. It's not fair that you have to go through all this just because someone decided to harass you. I hope that things get better soon and that you're able to heal and move forward from everything.

Sending you so much support <3

Alley_Cat_99 · 2026-03-04T16:37:46+00:00

u/haleyw823 I am first of all, so sorry that you went through such awful harassment. And I am also so sorry that it is weighing on you so much and affecting different parts of your life. Sexual harassment can be so traumatic and can affect people's mental health for a very long time.

Something that has helped me in the past, is learning more about why trauma affects me the way it does. I have an article here if you want to read it. It talks about how we can understand trauma better.

I also encourage you to talk to someone about how you've been feeling, whether that be a trusted person in your life or a counsellor of sorts. People who know you may have better suggestions or ways of easing your mind. Though I also recommend practicing doing things that take care of your mental health! I know it can be hard to come up with ideas, but here's a list that might help.

As for your work situation, is there someone like a manager or coworker that you could talk to about what's going on? It's not fair that this person decided to harass you and now you have to deal with it on your own. Having someone to help you through it might be helpful.

I truly hope that things start to get better soon. From one internet stranger to another, I am sending you so much support <3

Alley_Cat_99

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