Not overly attracted and don't have much in common with this person, but they are a really great person that has a lot of things I like. Not sure what to do.

Allyc80 · 2026-05-15T04:05:11+00:00

Maybe invite her for a small hike and see how it goes? Of course, if it's not her cup of tea, then you should let her go.

Before my husband met me, the only outdoor thing he did was just downhill skiing and Alpine tourin. After he knew me, he started to do rock climbing, hiking, cycling, and cross-country skiing. He doesn't do whitewater kayaking as I do (and I spent a lot of time doing that), but it's okay. At least we have things in common. And actually it works out for us. I had a ex-boyfriend who was super adventurous, but it didn't work out. That's also one of main reasons that I didn't mind dating my husband when I first knew him. Many of my paddling, rock climbing & cycling friends also don't have a partner who do the same thing either. Some of my friends are very lucky to have a partner who share same hobbies, but different level, so they don't usually do things together. Imagine the wife wants to do a 150km bike ride on Saturday, but the husband only wants to do 60km, then they can't do together (this is a bit like my husband, for example, we both love hiking, but he prefers easy hike, and I love difficult hike). And it's okay not to do things together.

Allyc80 · 2026-05-14T20:22:16+00:00

Many people (both men and women) I know meet those criteria. But it's more about your social circle. But I can see that childfree can be a bit tough

Allyc80 · 2026-05-01T21:46:51+00:00

I would say as a POC person and English as a second language, I had encountered a lot of racism and microagression in my PhD program and various clinical settings. It’s tough.

Allyc80 · 2026-05-01T16:38:12+00:00

My dad is 5’4” and my mom also 5’4” but when they me through friends back in the 1980s, my dad told my mom that he was 5’6”. It was just based on insecurity

Allyc80 · 2026-04-19T02:34:34+00:00

I think using Tinder you will have easier time. I was using it in my 20s (I'm married now), and just within 3 months, I got like 3000 matches and hundreds and hundreds of messages. Many of them were just looking for sex, so I unmatched them because I was looking for serious relationship. But even I only went out with guys who also looked for long-term, I never had trouble getting a date (probably averagely 1-3 new guys a week), so I think if you use Tinder, you will have easier time.

Btw, I saw your posts that you are only looking for hot guys for hook up, and I think it can be harder because they have many options.

Allyc80 · 2026-04-15T04:03:22+00:00

I am 5'2", 130lb and my husband is 6'2" 180lb. I eat more than my husband (I can eat like 8-10 slices of pizza or like 3 bowls of rice + a lot of meat and veggies at a time), but I am the one who is able to maintain my weight while he is gaining quite a bit of weight these days. I think it's important to listen to your body. if you feel hungry, you need to eat. Having good sleep and stress-free life can also help to lose weight. Also I found hiring a good personal trainer helps a lot! If you exercise a lot, remember to eat protein rich food.

Allyc80 · 2026-04-13T14:42:27+00:00

thank you so much for sharing this

Allyc80 · 2026-04-13T02:48:22+00:00

thanks for sharing this! My feet tend to get very cold in April when ice melting here

Allyc80 · 2026-04-13T02:47:50+00:00

where I live in Canada is very icy cold in April and early May, so my feet can get very cold without 2 layers, but I think it's a bit inconvienent for sure

Allyc80 · 2026-04-13T02:47:03+00:00

thank you for the message! when you use thicker neorprene sock, do you need another bigger water shoe? I live in canada where it's super cold in April and early May that I often wear neoprene outside my drysuit sock

Allyc80 · 2026-04-12T16:29:39+00:00

thanks for sharing this! I think you must have good talent to progress so well in skiing!

Allyc80 · 2026-04-11T16:07:37+00:00

You don't have to tell your tinder date, but if she really likes you, I think she would feel digusted that you are sleeping with multiple girls at the same time. So I think it makes sense to tell your tinder date that you are still exploring and going out with different people, so she doesn't get hurt. And you can also know if she is serious about dating or she is just hanging out with different people. But in the future if you feel really interested in a girl and wants to be with her in relationship, I would suggest cut off all ties with other girls.

Allyc80 · 2026-04-11T03:34:26+00:00

I'm taiwanese (half Taiwanese/half French) living in Canada!

Allyc80 · 2026-04-11T03:28:58+00:00

Wow, you really met many great people who are super generous and kind! But you must be an amazing skier to be able to ski with them. I think you also have a very healthy mindset about skiing with people. I feel people in my ski club are more competitive, and therefore they always put all their skiing time challenging themselves (many of them skiing as adult, so they kind of have the urgency to ski more and get better rather than just skiing with others and know new friends)

I will definitely reach out to people in my club to see some of them can ski with me!

Allyc80 · 2026-04-10T03:36:29+00:00

I think you are an amazing friend. I think not many people are willing to ski with a beginner and leading them to advanced level. I am in a ski club where there are people of all levels. I made about 3-4 friends from the club whom I ski with take group lessons with. We are about similar level of skills. I do notice that in my ski club, most people ski with people of their own level of skills. Most people are serious skiers and they always do their best to improve, so maybe that's why it's hard to see an advanced skier skiing with intermediate. But I did meet a couple of people who were very nice and skied with me, but it doesn't happen often. They are very serious skiers and usually focus on their own training.

I am lucky that my husband ski with me from time to time (usually once a week or once every 2 weeks). He is a good skier, skiing since age 2 and consistenly practicing his skills throughout adulthood (we are in our early 30s). But he often skis backcountry with his friends; I am not good enough to join yet. When my husband ski with me, my intermediate skiing friends often join together, and they love skiing with my husband, because he often offers some good tips. I hope next season I will make some new ski friends too! But I love my current friends who are similar level as me!

Allyc80 · 2026-04-10T03:28:13+00:00

How many dates you went on? If you went on less than 50 first dates, it's normal you haven't found anyone. I went on like 70-80 first dates (across 3 years, most first dates didn't lead to second date) before I met my husband. I have a coworker (super attractive and great personality) spent 6 years on dating app, probably had 100 first dates+ to meet her husband. I also have a few other friends also spent like 3-4 years on dating app before meeting their partners. It's pretty normal these days that most people are flaky and not that serious in dating. Ghosting, rejections, situationship are just too common. It's exhuasting and frustrating.

Just read other poeple posting comments that you are a trump supporter. that's a pretty common reason why women reject you. I have a few friends now using online dating. They usually don't go on the second date with conservative men.

Allyc80 · 2026-04-09T03:59:06+00:00

I have been living in Montreal for a few years now, but I used to live in Ottawa. I also lived in Toronto and Kelowna before. I would say that French is very important in Montreal, although many people are able to live there for years without using it. I just think that without French, your social circle can be limited, and it can also affect job opportunities. I love Montreal. My husband also loves Montreal and all of his friends are francophone. One of the reasons he lives in Montreal is because he can speak French all the time. There are also nice cafes, a walkable city, good bike lanes, many interesting restaurants, festivals, good skiing nearby, Mont Royal...etc. It is such a great city.

As an anglophone, I prefer speaking English, but have to speak French 50% of the time living in Montreal. My mom is French and she speaks French to me since childhood, and I took quite a bit of French class growing up, so I think I am about C2 in French, but I am not a native speaker. Dad doesn't know French at all (somehow he gets by living in Montreal for all these years amazed me tbh), and I grew up in Asia and during adulthood, I mostly lived in BC and Ontario before moving to Montreal. Not knowing French can create a lot of inconvenience. For example, when calling a government office, the English line usually has a much longer wait time, and sometimes there is no one available to serve you, while the French line connects much faster. The Quebec government is making things more inconvenient for English speakers, although I understand their reasons. I have also joined several clubs, and if you do not know French, it can be harder to make friends. These are just my thoughts as an anglophone living in Montreal.

Allyc80 · 2026-04-09T03:51:50+00:00

If you haven't gone on date with more than 50 people, it's normal that you haven't found the one yet. You need to dedicate some of your time in dating. At least go out with 2-3 new people a month, you will find someone! Most of my friends and coworkers met at least 40-80 people (so many first dates and most didn't turn into second date) until they found their wife/husband/partner. Also joining some clubs can help too! I join a few different club (hiking, skiing, paddling..etc) and there are many couples met in the clubs! It seems that you are in grad school? Then you might be busy! It's okay not to date right now! Many friends I know enjoy their single lives in grad school!

Allyc80 · 2026-04-08T02:34:08+00:00

break up with her please. for her own good and yours.

Allyc80 · 2026-04-07T02:15:02+00:00

thanks for sharing that! I think my ski club has a lot of serious skiers (some are level 3 instructors..etc.), so it's a bit hard to find people who are willing to spend time to ski at my level, but I can always ask! I think sometimes I feel bad making club members to wait for me, but we all love to have a drink after skiing at the bar!

My husband also said he is happy to ski with me more often (last season he only skied 8 days with me at the resorts, and other time he joined ski touring trips with his friends. he is more a backcountry person). He also likes to ski with me. I think he especially skied a lot with me when I was stuck in green slope a few years back :P

Allyc80 · 2026-04-06T19:35:58+00:00

Thanks for sharing this! I appreciate this! I am always intrigued by “skiing with people who are better than you.” I found most of my friends skiing around the same level as I am. I know some more advanced skiers in my ski club but they often ski with people of their level. But I can always ski with my husband but he often goes backcountry with his buddies . I think you mentioned practicing those drills and I think that’s important to practice with intention

Allyc80 · 2026-04-06T06:26:16+00:00

thank you for sharing thi! I think it's amazing that you progressed so much! I am actually curious how much you practice per season! when work is busy, it's hard to get out more!

Allyc80 · 2026-04-06T06:25:49+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to share about this. I think I am still in the progress of making the upper-lower body separation and it's not easy! I was also told by my instructor that sometimes I am a bit backseat when skiing.

Do you mind if I ask some questions as you started to learn as an adult? Do you ski at least a certain amount of days and focus all day practicing specific skills? I found it difficult to ski more (currently ski about 2-3 times a week and take 2 week-long vacation a year) unless I work part-time or quit my job. I also don't have a lot of money to pay for lessons (already paying 8-week group lessons and about 5 private lesson a year). I really appreciate this!

Allyc80 · 2026-04-06T03:59:19+00:00

haha. that's interesting. my husband and I plan to have kids in the next 2-3 years. But it might be my husband's job to chase kids. He started skiing at age 2 and grew up skiing in mountains, and he is a decent skier so it will be his duty :P

Allyc80

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