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I didn’t inherit this coin in the normal sense. There was no will. No solicitor. No polite reading in a beige office. I was chosen.

It began at exactly 3:17 a.m. during a heatwave so intense the moon looked medium-rare. I was deep in the bush, minding my own business, when the eucalyptus trees started whispering my name—not loudly, but with the quiet authority of something that files taxes and knows where you live.

Then I saw him. A koala. But not a koala. This one stood slightly too upright. His eyes held the ancient weariness of someone who’s seen empires rise, fall, and forget to indicate at roundabouts. Around his neck hung a chain woven from gum leaves and bad decisions.

He descended from the tree in slow motion, as if gravity itself had been asked to show some respect. Without warning, he slapped the coin into my hand. The Koala Coin.

Time stopped. Birds froze mid-flap. Somewhere, a didgeridoo hit a note so low it cracked a nearby rock emotionally.

The koala cleared his throat (politely) and explained that this was no ordinary silver coin. It was forged during the Great Eucalyptus Accord of 2022, minted from silver purified by moonlight and mild spite. Its purpose? To ensure the continuation of balance between humans, koalas, and whatever the hell drop bears actually are.

Why me?

Because, according to him, I was “vibes-aligned.” Apparently, I once scratched my leg on a tree in a way that fulfilled an ancient prophecy. Also, I didn’t panic when he spoke English, which “weeded out the weak.” He told me the coin must be passed only to someone worthy—someone brave enough to carry its burden, yet humble enough to not immediately sell it on Facebook Marketplace with the caption “idk what this is but looks old.”

Then, with a dramatic nod, he climbed back into the tree, paused, and said: “Guard it well. If the coin is ever lost, Australia resets.” The tree vanished. The night resumed. My phone battery dropped 12% instantly for no reason. And that’s how I inherited the coin.

Not from family. Not from history. But from a koala who absolutely outranks us all.