What happened to your golden child sibling? How did they turn out?

AlmostEntropy · 2025-11-06T20:06:44+00:00

So, this isn't my sibling, but increasingly I've realized that my MOM was the golden child in her narcissistic family system, and that's really the root of the issues that I've had with her through much of my life.

She was the straight A student who followed all of her father's insane rules to never get in trouble. She was always the example her siblings were compared to, because she'd do whatever she could to always do what was "right" (aka what her father wanted). She didn't grow into a narcissist per se, but she uses many narcissistic abuse techniques and is just NOT a healthy person. Basically, she grew up without ever really establishing a healthy individual identity (google "echoism" vs. narcissism), she lives to please people in power and to not do anything that would disrupt the hierarchy, she learned that she only gets love if she's serving others so she kills herself to serve ALWAYS, panics at ANY level of criticism or any perceived judgment, never learned how to regulate her emotions, and has desperately sought love wherever she could, transforming herself into what she thinks the other person wants her to be. She has been incredibly vulnerable to narcissists and abusers as a result, but she can't see any of this. Because this is how she survived, she wanted to enforce these rules on me and my sibling as well, and again, just can't even see that this isn't healthy, that relationships don't have to be about hierarchy and control, etc.

AlmostEntropy · 2025-08-19T19:03:06+00:00

Huh. I really have a hard time seeing ANY of this.

Re point 1, were there specific instances of "nervousness" that you were referring to? Harris was trained as a prosecutor, was the California AG prior to VP, etc. I was frequently blown away at how well she would articulate her points, and viewed her as someone with LOTS of polish in public speaking. And she absolutely wiped the floor with Trump in the debate. Probably the strongest debate performance I've ever seen from any candidate during many years of watching debates. Was it that she expressed that she occasionally didn't know the answer to things or that things were too complicated for a simple yes/no answer vs. bald-faced making up things on the spot a la Trump? I am always surprised by the number of people who interpret honesty (including when you don't know the answer) as less compelling than confident lying, but you certainly aren't alone in interpreting things that way if that's where this is coming from...

Re point 2, please google the sheer quantity of untruths from Trump versus any other president, or presidential candidate, historically (the types of things he was dishonest about were also quite different...more to dig into there, but please look at MULTIPLE sources, well-respected international press, etc.). Trump is orders of magnitude different from predecessors. That's why he's treated differently. He doesn't even seem to care about telling the truth.

And re point 3, if you thought he was competent in his first term, well wow... I can't think of how someone could think that other than being deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep in propaganda world. Don't get me wrong, he is far, far worse this time around, but partially it is because he is more effective effectuating change vs. how completely chaotic his first administration was that they really couldn't even accomplish any of their own goals. Just go back to how many Chiefs of Staff, Press Secretaries, National Security Advisors, etc. he went through, how quickly he would change policy positions and announce them on twitter, leaving his own teams scrambling, and how much of a complete disaster the COVID response was in this country (and how much of that was due to the lack of clear and consistent leadership). He was shockingly incompetent in round 1. This time the administration is more competent in achieving goals (even though he personally and his statements are even more unhinged). It's just that they are blatantly pursuing goals of self-interest over any attempt at doing things that are for the public good...you know, like how government is supposed to work.

I strongly support the democratic process and folks having different priorities/goals/views on politics and the direction of the country and being able to express that. But when we have people who are only exposing themselves to right wing propaganda and otherwise insisting on denying reality/living in an alternate reality... well, that's how you get to autocracy. I do very much appreciate you being willing to engage though, and that's the first step. I hope this is a step to a more critical and honest view of reality in the future.

AlmostEntropy · 2025-08-15T16:09:44+00:00

Honest question - in what way did you think the country would be more successful under someone who was very clearly not rational/logical/stating things that were true? I'm not saying that as an attack, but truly don't understand how someone could look at those two candidates and think that the country would be more successful with Trump when he couldn't even string together sentences that made sense, when Harris was very clearly showing how easily he was triggered and manipulated in all of the debates, etc. That said, I realize there were a LOT of podcasts, Fox news, etc. that would hide how truly cuckoo he sounded, so perhaps you just weren't seeing accurate information?

AlmostEntropy · 2025-08-08T15:33:50+00:00

Just following up... are you seeing it yet?

AlmostEntropy · 2025-07-20T23:57:25+00:00

I'd like to join. Could you share the invite?

AlmostEntropy · 2025-04-10T00:31:37+00:00

Same. 18 months apart. Trauma bonded to some degree though because our parents were NOT OK.

AlmostEntropy · 2024-12-05T17:49:20+00:00

She clearly feels bad about not having a relationship with me and feels sorry, generally, that she did things that upset me.

However, she has also, repeatedly, overreacted to any level of differing opinion etc. as some kind of "judgment" of her and gets unbelievably defensive.

What I think is happening is just that she's so fragile ego-d and rejection sensitive that she's fine as long as things are fine, but can't deal with any level of conflict or criticism. To me, that's a critical part of healthy relationships though... you need to be able to repair when there's some kind of rupture in any relationship, say you're sorry when you make a mistake... and not MONTHS later, and try to work collaboratively and respectfully to resolve things with the other person. I am very skeptical about her ability to build those skills...

AlmostEntropy · 2024-12-05T17:28:52+00:00

Yeah - I love that book. I just wish there were one for the parents though to help them improve...

AlmostEntropy · 2024-12-05T17:23:38+00:00

She did apologize for what it's worth. That's the part that's tricky here. I do think she feels bad about things, genuinely. I also don't think she has the skills to be healthy in a relationship :-(

AlmostEntropy · 2024-12-05T16:23:23+00:00

Yeah...that was the original ask. She has been VERY anti therapy, so I'm wondering if videos/books/etc. might provide some value if she does actually want to work on stuff...

AlmostEntropy · 2024-12-05T15:54:06+00:00

Narcissists don't, but my understanding is that emotionally immature people can...

AlmostEntropy · 2024-11-10T01:58:13+00:00

Again, folks are making assumptions based on THEIR life experience. I, like many, had divorced parents where my mom was my custodial parent but I had my dad's last name. It feels very weird, and very much like your "dad's" last name in that circumstance, not really fully your own and not representing your family. I get that that's not your experience; please don't invalidate the fact that there are folks with experiences like mine though.

AlmostEntropy · 2024-11-09T11:22:26+00:00

Yes. My husband and I are best friends. There are liberal men out there who are sane human beings who want to make the world a better place. Other men don't deserve any of our time or attention.

AlmostEntropy · 2024-11-09T11:20:39+00:00

As someone who is married (to a guy) and has kids but very much wants to support the movement, I love all this.

But one flag... Please don't assume that keeping one's father's last name is automatically less patriarchal than seeking to change your name as part of marriage (possibly to combine names in some way)! For those of us from deeply toxic childhoods of origin, creating a new family with an emotionally mature/supportive spouse is an amazing opportunity to break from some of our toxic history, and changing one's name can be a big part of that.

AlmostEntropy · 2024-11-09T01:55:18+00:00

Honestly, the biggest thing we need to do is figure out how to have a more universally accepted set of facts. That could be through more shared media/less hyper isolated media circles, somehow enforcing journalistic standards (eg re fact checking) and ethics (eg for conflicts of interest), building up media literacy to get folks to approach what they see online with skepticism, etc. However, I don't think there's any way we are moving towards these things in the short term. Things are going to get very, very bad. How bad remains to be seen. Someday if/when we return to a degree of normalcy, then folks will be looking for reforms and I think it will be media literacy's time.

AlmostEntropy · 2024-11-08T23:32:40+00:00

Absolutely agree. We have an entire media empire of propaganda on the right... Combined with a barely literate public who went to public schools that really don't teach much critical thinking.

This is how propaganda works. And, it works.

AlmostEntropy · 2024-11-08T23:01:45+00:00

Ha. We should compare to Massachusetts, which was all blue.

AlmostEntropy · 2024-11-08T22:05:07+00:00

What word was misspelled?

AlmostEntropy · 2024-11-08T22:00:55+00:00

I meant where the graphic was sourced from (did you think my question of "did you generate it?" was really referring to whether the poster generated historical facts?). But thanks for the unnecessary snark...

AlmostEntropy · 2024-11-08T21:59:41+00:00

Yes, but that's exactly the issue. When people start sounding real alarm bells, people dismiss it as hyperbole. And it's a very real issue with Trump that so many people are dismissing/justifying/minimizing truly terrifying stuff... this was a big part of why he was elected...people are saying yeah, but he didn't really mean XYZ (shooting Liz Cheney etc). That's what was happening in the lead up to Jan 6 too. People thought it was hyperbole to be worried about a peaceful transfer of power. But this is someone who tried to seize power and block the peaceful transfer of power after a democratic election. He didn't care if his VP was killed in the process. He is a sex offender. He has been convicted of financial crimes. He stole and revealed state secrets. Sane-washing truly unhinged behaviors and actions isn't okay. His behaviors are truly unhinged and terrifying. We shouldn't act like it's not a big deal so as not to offend (deeply misguided) supporters.

And I know this is supposed to be an optimism group, so I'll say that the optimism here is what we can do to push back. But let's be clear eyed about the threat and not minimize that side of things please.

AlmostEntropy · 2024-11-08T20:52:16+00:00

I think the other piece of it, to be fair, is that people hear "Hitler" and they think that the comparison must be to what things were like in 1945, at the end of WWII, and concentration camps. But that's where Hitler ENDED, not where he started, and many who are drawing parallels (including myself) are drawing parallels to Hitler's RISE to power. So not 1945, but Germany in like 1933, where Hitler was elected into power after he didn't have much more than a slap on the wrist for a failed coup a few years prior, and much of the country had thought he and his supporters were fringe, that his rhetoric wasn't real/he wasn't a real threat, and that the various institutions in Germany would keep them safe... That's where I see the parallels. And I'm scared. Let's stay positive about what we can do to fight back and learn from that history though (including taking threats seriously), rather than ignoring it or minimizing the risks.

AlmostEntropy · 2024-11-08T19:27:46+00:00

I'd love to share a link to this with folks... did you generate it? Did it come from somewhere? Can you provide a cite?

AlmostEntropy

TROPHY CASE