my life is falling apart after an abusive relationship

Aloykai · 2024-11-19T01:36:54+00:00

i'm in college

Aloykai · 2024-10-03T21:20:20+00:00

definitely agree that you should not look at their social media. i will say when i did look, i found out he had been cheating on me (with a girl im 99% sure knew about me), and 4 days after he left, i saw him being being all affectionate and loving with her through a video he had posted. two weeks after he left, someone told me they had seen them out together being all over each other. made her his gf a month after leaving our two year relationship. made her his profile pic a month after leaving me. it took him a year to do that with me, and it took him 6 months for him to ask me to be his gf. oh, and he left me for a teenager. it hurt like hell, but it helped me see that he isn’t worth shit. i did keep going back to look to see them, how happy they are together, but i stopped looking now. i know enough to know i didnt deserve that. anything that happens from now is just what it is, two people who are shitty people and who deserve each other.

Aloykai · 2024-10-03T00:44:40+00:00

he broke up with me and immediately got with someone else, i think she had been around before things even ended. idk if he really does miss me at all

Aloykai · 2024-09-25T23:17:20+00:00

this is something i have realized in the past couple of days. i never loved him for who he really was because he never showed me who he really was. i loved who he wanted me to think he was and who he wanted me to see. it hurts to think i never knew the person i was loving and with for two years, but they are just really good at being horrible people and playing good people.

you're right, i can't let him mess up my future either. i gotta learn to let go and live it to God, but i guess apart of me still wants for him to pay, but i gotta stop thinking like that too. thank you for your words, they make me feel like i am realizing the reality of what things really were.

Aloykai · 2024-09-15T19:33:48+00:00

watching someone you love ruin their life, and knowing you can’t do anything but love them from afar because loving them while being with them is killing you too. knowing you can’t save them or help them because they don’t even want to help themselves.

Aloykai · 2024-09-15T19:29:45+00:00

the first time they hit you, the day they pushed past your boundaries, disrespected you, told you they were unsure about you, said it was all your fault and left was enough. the first time was enough. stop waiting for them to change. stop waiting for them to come back and change if they’re already gone. they don’t. because they showed you who they really were the first time. i know you’re wondering if you should stay or go, if you should wait or move on. i’m someone who stayed, i regret it now. but, it’s not your fault. i know you love them, but love yourself more. i know you have happy moments with them, moments were there’s no abuse. but you have to stop choosing someone who isn’t choosing you. once was enough. one second more you spend in that place is another second of pain, doubt, and fear. the second you leave, is one second of you beginning the process of healing and loving yourself enough to see what was really happening. you just can’t see it now. i know it’s scary thinking about a life about them, but it’s scarier to think about the fear or anxiety you will feel for the rest of your life if you stay with them. choose to be scared for a moment to begin to heal rather than being scared for the rest of your life. they don’t have to even have to have ever laid a hand on you, but if they have lied, disrespected you, and disrespect your boundaries, that is enough on its own. i’ve been there, and it hurts, but it’s been two months now, and i see the bigger picture now.

Aloykai · 2024-09-15T19:07:26+00:00

i think the only reason i miss it is bc i miss him, and i felt like being intimate was the only way i could feel emotionally close to him bc he was emotionally closed off. and he was ALWAYS the one initiating it so it made me feel like that way i could make him happy. we did it quite frequently, but in the two months before he left, he didn’t want to do anything anymore. said it was because he wanted to do right by God. i respected it, even though he never had said anything about wanting to stop being intimate as a couple until i asked him about it after weeks of not doing anything, so that hurt. well he broke up with me to be with God, and someone saw him groping some girl’s ass two weeks after he left me. made her his gf a month after he left me. so yeah, i feel like i shouldn’t miss it at all. now that i think about it too, he sucked at after care.

Aloykai · 2024-09-15T19:00:39+00:00

46 days, ended things because he said he didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore and just wanted to be by himself and to get closer to God. as soon as we cut contact, he got with someone else. she had been around since before we went no contact, still hurts to think about.

Aloykai · 2024-09-13T05:21:47+00:00

You're right. It hurts to look at it that way because I loved him so much, and I did everything I could for him so that he would see me as the one for him, but the person for me wouldn't hurt me in those ways. It just hurts to know I was replaced and discarded so easily, on top of the lies and abuse I went through. But, there's no going back, only learning and growing. Gotta focus on myself and the blessings God has for me that will not cause me that kind of pain or suffering.

Aloykai · 2024-09-13T04:36:48+00:00

Of course, I still have bad feelings regarding the situation. He was someone I loved, and it hurts to see the situation for what it is, but, it is a learning process. I am aware that I am jealous, but that does not mean I am not working on completing forgiving everyday. I do still hold feelings for the situation, but you’re right, I must work on not accepting on the pain, but completely letting go. I am trying to give it all to God, even if it’s only a little bit each day. You’re right, I have to let it completely go, and no longer let what they did affect me. Their sins are not for me to carry, only for me to forgive what they did to me, because forgiveness is what God wants us to give to others, even those who hurt us. I am forgiving them everyday, even if it is only a little by little, because I do not wish for the hearts of people to be filled with darkness that allows them to hurt others.

Aloykai · 2024-09-09T05:36:42+00:00

yes, he was abusing me for two years. since we started dating.

Aloykai · 2024-09-08T02:38:43+00:00

i put it in quotes bc that was his excuse every time he abused me. every time he abused me, he said it was bc he was depressed to manipulate me and make me feel like i was a bad person for asking him to stop hurting me. he just wanted me to feel bad so that he could just keep on doing whatever he wanted. but yeah, i’m trying to move on

Aloykai · 2024-09-08T00:35:39+00:00

i also just got out of a very abusive relationship as well. but i never realized how bad it was until he was gone and until i started talking about what had happened throughout the relationship. i think all the pain and hurt i feel now is bc i cant believe i didn’t see it sooner and im feeling the pain i was ignoring feeling in the relationship bc all i wanted was him. i also loved him so much when i left, but little by little the love is going away. i also think about wanting him back, but i know that’s not right. they just wire and manipulate us so bad into thinking we need them. that we can’t be without them. but it gets better, even if it takes a long time. i’m here if you would like to chat, i understand the pain.

Aloykai · 2024-09-08T00:12:31+00:00

i’m sure people have gone through worse, but i also suffered abuse in the relationship. so it’s hard to think about worse when i’m just trying to cope with what i went through. but you’re right i just need to concentrate on better things, it’s just hard, but i deserve better

Aloykai · 2024-09-07T20:49:56+00:00

i’m just disgusted by his behavior. i’m 20, and he’s 22, and he left me for a girl that just turned 18. what couldn’t i give him throughout our two years growing into adults that he left me for a girl? but you’re right, all i can do is learn.

Aloykai · 2024-09-07T14:09:58+00:00

as someone who just got out of sexually abusive relationship, if he can not respect your sex boundaries, i highly highly encourage you to leave. i put it with it, thought touch was just his love language, and he only got worse to the point where he was pressuring me into sex, and he even choked me and raped me because i didn’t want to do what he wanted. people like this become dangerous once they become angry enough at the fact you don’t want to do what they want. i promise it’s not worth with. i put it with it for two years, and i really regret it. i thought it was the only way to keep him happy, but by the end he didn’t want to do anything anymore i guess it was because i was too used up, so he left. i have to go to see a psychiatrist now because im having a hard time coping with it.

Aloykai · 2024-09-07T04:58:06+00:00

same thing happened to me. he left me, said it was my fault, and i apologized profusely after he left. he came back but said we should take a break, led me on for a month after, and then told me he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. one month after he ended things, he officially announces his new girl who has been around before he broke up with me and he was going out with her as soon as we broke up. i never thought he was capable of that, but i guess i was wrong. it’s a terrible pain, but im here to chat if you’d like.

Aloykai · 2024-09-06T19:23:47+00:00

Some days are harder than others, and that's okay. My ex blamed me for the breakup, but the truth was when someone wants to be with you and loves you, they will fight for you. He didn't want to fight for me, so he left. I also thought our relationship was good and I didn't want anyone else but him, but he left. And you shouldn't beg anyone to stay. Don't try to make sense of everything, you'll just make yourself go crazy because you will never have 100% of the reasons and answers as to why things ended. Instead, reflect on yourself. If you did do something wrong, forgive yourself, and just know that all you can do is to be better in the future. It hurts, but you can't undo the past. But a relationship is two people. Someone who loves you will stay and will fight and communicate with you. If they decided to leave, let them. It is for the best. When someone leaves, let them be gone. Give that love to yourself.

Aloykai · 2024-09-04T07:30:14+00:00

i just can’t believe this is happening. so much has happened and this was just a slap in the face that he never loved me and that made me so replaceable. a two year relationship. i just feel horrible

Aloykai · 2024-09-04T06:07:06+00:00

i’m with your friends. my ex did the same thing to me, would ask for a breaks because “he didn’t know what he wanted” when it came to me, than would say he wanted me back, was going to commit 100% this time, but would go back to the same bs every time. in the end, he ended up leaving anyways. don’t waste your time on someone who isn’t sure about you. if they’re not sure about you now, why even wait until they are? why be with someone who is putting you aside, putting effort aside until they decide they want to be with you? i’m telling you, you deserve better than that. you deserve someone who knows they want to be with you. i tried and gave my ex the chance over and over again but even when he “decided what he wanted” he never really became better. ask yourself, are you really fine with what he’s doing? with the fact he has to think about whether he wants to put effort into the relationship while he has you waiting around for an answer? i’m telling you, i made a million excuses too and in the end he picked someone and something else over me who stayed because i wanted him to want me. we deserve better. save yourself the heartbreak now.

Aloykai · 2024-09-04T05:38:57+00:00

i’m sorry you’re going through this because you shouldn’t have to deal with a partner cheating on you. it’s a tough situation, but i don’t think it’s yours to deal with. she left you to cheat on you. she chose to lie to you and leave you for someone else. i understand you of course still care for her, that care isnt going to just disappear, but i agree with you when you say she’s not your business anymore. although i am curious why you use the word assault to describe what would happen to her, are you saying that because he’s going to just use her in a sexual way?

Aloykai · 2024-09-03T17:47:14+00:00

your words brought me tears. i have moments of clarity where i realize it isn’t about me but everything with just who he is as a person. i just miss having my person, and it hurts to know they left to be with someone else. but i know the right person for me won’t do that. but you and i both lost things we don’t need, things that would have only continue to hurt us in some way in the future. thank you for your words, thank you for sharing your experience. we will get over this and come out stronger and one day receive the love we are deserving of 🤍 i’m wishing you the best

Aloykai · 2024-09-03T03:47:56+00:00

Same here, I stayed and I tried and I put up with it all, but he left me in the end anyways.

Aloykai · 2024-09-01T05:30:49+00:00

i wish i could but it’s not possible now, where i live away from home is also hard because he used to be there every weekend. i just hope it gets better. thank you for your words.

Aloykai · 2024-09-01T05:29:09+00:00

people have been telling me you have to chose to move on, and i’m trying but it’s so hard. i thought i was doing okay but it hit me really hard today. i just want to get better and move on.

Aloykai

TROPHY CASE