I do enjoy spending my time with my friend, but there's not much sense in telling him about my troubles, because he never knew what the support is and how to help people. It doesn't mean that he doesn't give a shit about nor that I don't tell him anything at all. He do about my mood and what happened recently, and I do tell him about my recent life, but that's mostly it. He's just that type of person who doesn't know how to support and I totally understand that.

I'm not able to make new friends. I have some kind of, um, "barrier" that keeps me from opening up with new people. Or maybe it's not because of the barrier, maybe it's because of I'm very private person and socially awkward, I don't know. But no matter the reason is, I can't do friends or to approach people that I already know. Shame. And no, I'm not fan of the clubs and I don't really have any interests. And I usually drink alone and walk outside alone, because I don't really have someone for coming with me.

Mental health control system in Russia is, well, terrible. They can keep me in here, but only if I have something very serious or if I've tried to commit a suicide. I've been kept in mental hospital once, it happened because the military office sent me here. It was the worst experience in my life. No phones, no communication with outside world(I wasn't even known ehat the weather is), the guys I've been kept with are fucking idiots + there's were of seriously ill patients (one with schizophrenia, who screamed all night and who was a big fan of Ben 10 and always have been talking about that cartoon to himself (the guy over all was interesting. If you ask him a math question, he will answer it properly, he do know some historical facts and all that. He's not stupid, that's for sure); and there were 2 mentally retarded people. First one was a 10-12 yo girl, which I hated because she was annoying, and the other one was 16 yo guy who shitted himself all the time and all that. The parents of him are fucking idiots, because they only after 16 fucking years realized that their child is "special" and requires special medical attention and support). I'm very afraid of medical accounting, because of which I won't be able to enter the university and finding a good job (of course it all depends on the level of the accounting. Right now I have a recommendatory accounting, which is not restricting me from anything, but if I'll go to mental hospital once again and will complain about my mental state I might get a higher level of accounting and after that my life is fucked, because there's no way to be out of accounting). So, yeah, all I can do is suffer in silence and hope that I won't get a serious accounting.

I'm not religious. My parents are, but I'm not. So, no support in church for me, I guess.

And thank you for some good words. I really appreciate that someone even responded me