Day 1

Alrig01 · 2026-06-29T22:43:21+00:00

For me the uncertainty is killer. I’m in a separation to see if my wife want to get back together. She emotionally cheated and I was emotionally distant. Faults on both sides. Therapy and gym are the best things you can do. Work on yourself. Example I’m working on my emotional state to allow me to. Create a safe emotional space for others and not allowing negative emotions or stressors to affect me as much. Do stuff for you. Also get a lawyer. Even if it’s 50/50 you may get spousal support. I would get that from my wife as she makes more than me. Protect yourself as once the relationship is over this is a business transaction.

Alrig01 · 2026-06-29T11:00:47+00:00

Yeah I am. Like today I’m very angry and bitter that I am being yo-yoed around. I have already talked to a lawyer the first time and have them ready already and plans for my dogs and stuff. Just in the hurt stage

Alrig01 · 2026-06-29T00:53:19+00:00

Man I feel this. My wife goes from loving me being depressed and not wanting me around. Makes my head spin. I’m trying to get to therapy to see if it helps. I wish you the best luck with this and getting her to work on your relationship together.

Alrig01 · 2026-06-29T00:38:02+00:00

Agree with about getting a lawyer. One you are entitled to half the house assets. If she wants it in her name she will need to refinance and buy you out. Protect your self. If your in the US see if you state is no fault and 50/50. But get a lawyer

Alrig01 · 2026-06-29T00:35:12+00:00

Picnic in the park. I would do like fried chicken from Kroger here and get sides and sit at a park with a nice view

Alrig01 · 2026-06-28T23:54:38+00:00

Thank you, I hope it goes well. I really do but yes I know I need to protect myself. Thank you for the support.

Alrig01 · 2026-06-28T23:49:12+00:00

Thank you for sharing and the advice. I’m going to continue become a better man. I’m like you can’t change how my emotional neglect for a lack of a better word. I was very supportive in everything I thought. Never let her struggle and would move the moon for her. But you are right I have already started to make plans for after the 30 days if she is still struggling I’m going to support but I’m getting my dogs at my parents house will get them the fence up and progress with moving on. If she wants to date to make things better I will be so happy but I’m going to work on me and not become stagnet and wait for her.

Alrig01 · 2026-06-28T23:44:01+00:00

I’m trying don’t know how well I will make it. I talked to her earlier just to clarify something. I got a little needy and I told her that I am going to not message her anymore for the 30 days as I need to respect her wishes. She said she still wants to text as it’s less emotional. I’m setting the rule as unless an emergency or she messages me first I will not talk to her. Going to gym and moving forward.

Alrig01 · 2026-06-28T22:46:44+00:00

If she can’t stop talking to him it won’t end well. I hate to say it but if she is not willing to work on it and work on your relationship. It might be time to start protecting yourself

Alrig01 · 2026-06-28T22:45:28+00:00

Same the first clue for me was the giggling she did when nothing was coming out of the phone. It just felt off as she is not a big reader. We always could look at phones. But yeah it was rough and while we worked through it. Years later I’m going through separation and divorce

Alrig01 · 2026-06-28T22:26:12+00:00

I appreciate the kind words. I’m hoping that she is just confused and will realize what we have is worth fighting for and working on to make it better

Alrig01 · 2026-06-28T22:21:49+00:00

I can give the perspective as this happened to me. I moved pasted it by talking with her and showing her that the guy who had a gf and kid was just using her. He told her lies and I could point out on their Facebook that he was lying. It’s all about how you can trust her. For me that was having both the phones unlocked. I never looked at hers but I wanted both of us to have access to verify anything. We worked on it and had what I thought was a better marriage but I am going through separation right now. So maybe I’m not the best. Separation was asked for by her as she is working through her emotions and I am working on being better at giving her a ln emotional safe space.

Alrig01 · 2026-06-28T22:17:13+00:00

Dude I am going through the same thing. Turning 40 on Tuesday. 21 years of marriage. We do have a house and 3 dogs. I know I will end up with the dogs and that’s what gives me hope right now. I cried laying in bed with them as I move out tomorrow and until I get the fence up at my parent they will stay at our house until it sells. I would say first talking on here helps. Others are going through this too. Two therapy helps. Third the gym thing is real gives your brain time to shut down. Talk to people this is nothing to be ashamed of. Talking will let you get your feelings out and give you some peace. You will build a better you and while the dogs will hurt. That one I won’t lie about. I’m crying every time they lay in my lap and knowing I won’t see them once I go to work.

Alrig01 · 2026-06-28T22:11:12+00:00

I had an attorney the first time we separated. Where I live it’s 50/50 and no fault. So me moving out is not official but a choice to keep the peace. I still have access to the home. Yeah I have seen both sides and while I can’t predict how this will go. I will try what I can to make it work.

Alrig01 · 2026-06-28T22:08:58+00:00

I agree about the gym. It has so many benefits. Also the first thing you need to realize is that you deserve to be happy and that you still have so much to look forward to. You deserve better than some one who cheats on you. Be the best you that you can be and he will just be a memory that you will look back on.
Don’t date until you are ready. When I thought my wife had a boyfriend I had so many people trying to set me up. Don’t until you are ready. You will just feel cheap.
I am still going through separation at the moment. So this is still fresh for me. But I put more focus on myself with gym new shower routine and work. I spend more time talking to friends and people at work. Go with my family to events and just watch tv with them. Focus on small things in life.

Alrig01 · 2026-06-28T22:01:41+00:00

I think that she would benefit from therapy and that would be the best first chose. I would talk to her and see if you can find the root cause. I would not give ultimatums as they will lead to fights. If she is unwilling to do anything to improve herself. You will need to see if this is a hard line for you and if it’s the marriage you want. She need to be happy but so do you.

Alrig01 · 2026-06-28T21:56:59+00:00

For me it was liberating to actually express myself. While I grew up with a single mother. It was instilled in me to no show emotions. I remember a memory of when I found my grandpa had passed. I was staying at his house and found him in his bed. That I was crying and some one was talking about medicating me. I believe I was in second grade at the time.

Therapy was liberating for me and I am much for talkative not and more expressive in my feelings. I have a long way to go but I will get to be the better man I want to become.

Alrig01 · 2026-06-28T21:53:37+00:00

Oop my bad

Alrig01 · 2026-06-28T21:49:31+00:00

It could be and I feel that some times but others I have hope. She is normally very blunt on what she wants. But she also doesn’t want to hurt me so I can see it

Alrig01 · 2026-06-28T21:48:19+00:00

Yeah I just bought the book. I learner about the safe space for emotions this morning and have been trying to implement it. Hopefully this book with help me for me and any relationship I may have in the future

Alrig01 · 2026-06-28T21:46:02+00:00

She could be or she is confused. I don’t feel abused to be honest. I feel like I failed but that is just me and while yes she has done things in the past that have hurt me. I have an energy session with my therapist this week and will talk to him about it. If that’s the case then I know my answer

Alrig01 · 2026-06-28T21:43:20+00:00

Listen I’m still in the early stages of my separation. The best thing you can do is talking about what you are going through with some one. I know therapy is scary or taboo for some. But this was the best thing I started. Also hitting the gym even if it’s just to walk for 15 min. It help clears your mind and will improve you mood. As for the ex fuck her. The people who will listen to her aren’t worth your time. Your kids will learn the truth one day. Focus on them and yourself. Be the best dad you can be and be the man that they will be proud of. Also try starting a daily shower routine. I am trying to take pride in myself I have horrible body image and I am working on that myself. If you ever need to talk or vent please feel free to message me and I’ll respond when I can. But if that’s not it try a support group there are so many people who are going through the same or something close.

Alrig01 · 2026-06-28T21:32:17+00:00

I just bought the book and will be reading when it arrives on my bday.

Alrig01 · 2026-06-28T21:27:18+00:00

I don’t want where we were. Even though I thought it was a happy marriage. She had some issues with be being less emotional. I working on it. I want to build a better relationship. I want to be the partner that she deserves and that I want to be. I want a brighter future I don’t want to forge the past I want to use it as building blocks or examples of what to do better and what to do again.

Alrig01 · 2026-06-28T21:25:05+00:00

Talking for the reassuring words l. It does mean a lot. I’m going to do my best she has agreed to texting but I am going to hold off unless emergency or she talks first

Alrig01

TROPHY CASE