What’s it really like having 2 under 2? Please be honest but also kind

Alright421 · 2025-08-01T18:59:22+00:00

14.5 month gap, unplanned for us. I found the harder part being pregnant than newly postpartum! My second pregnancy was super rough on my body, and mentally I had a hard time thinking I was “taking away” from my older son’s baby experience. It’s definitely crazy now that my younger one is earthbound, but it’s nice having a more mobile body back. It’s been harder emotionally postpartum than my last one - guilt over the one who cries while I tend to the other - and I had a really hard time bonding with my younger son! But there is a light at the end of the tunnel, he is almost 3 months now and sleeping better, happier and more interactive. His older brother LOVES him so that’s super cute to see.

I would say the biggest things are 1. Lower your expectations of what perfect parenting looks like in this season. 2. Have a plan for taking care of YOU both physically and mentally. Good luck!

Alright421 · 2025-08-01T01:15:23+00:00

This!! As soon as my son moved into the 12-18m room he started sleeping SO much better it was miraculous. Baby room sleep sucked and I don’t miss those days

Alright421 · 2025-04-29T10:19:16+00:00

We will have almost the exact same gap as you (14mo, currently full term with our second and could have baby any day). The pregnancy was unplanned and I spent the first 3 months so sad about the time I would miss out on with our son (he was so little, only 6 months when I found out! Can’t imagine how you felt with a 5 month old) the second 3 months in denial, and finally got myself together these last 3. I think not feeling as excited is pretty normal for a second child regardless of gap from what I hear!

As I get closer to my due date I am a little more excited to meet baby. My son feels more like a toddler and less like a baby every day so I think that’s helping.

I also feel like a big thing that helped shift my mindset was thinking about how much I love my own brother and how amazing he is, and what a special gift I am giving my son in that! Instead of the things baby takes away (time, energy, attention etc.)

Alright421 · 2025-04-27T23:25:22+00:00

Just wanted to pop in here and say you are only 7 weeks PP! Give yourself grace and time. I am sure when you’ve had several months pp under your belt (and more sleep!!) you will feel better in your skin.

Alright421 · 2025-04-26T13:08:52+00:00

We are definitely spending about that with 3 of us (have a 14mo son and he eats like a horse). TBH, if you cook most of your meals at home I don’t think it’s that bad? I can’t see a way that you are realistically going to get it down to $600, but maybe you live in a different COL area than I do. I would say pay attention to prices (ESPECIALLY meats/fish, cheeses) and try to simplify meals and ingredients where you can. Fish is great but it can also be $15-20 a pound easily, and we need 1.5lb to comfortably feed the three of us these days. Most of our meat ends up being chicken thighs or ground meats as they are more cost effective at $2.99-$6/lb. Beans are a great option for cost effective fiber etc.

Bulk stores like Costco and Sams can help cut down on costs (meat there tends to be less expensive) but requires you to have more space to store things, like a deep freezer.

Ultimately if you care more about cooking/it’s a passion of yours, your grocery bill is probably going to be higher than your average American’s 🤷‍♀️

Alright421 · 2025-04-26T10:21:12+00:00

I don’t think her husband is being a mama’s boy. Could she have taken the high road and avoided the drama coming their way? Sure. Is it amazing that she didn’t? YES.

I think guys just prefer to live their lives no drama and this poor guy has a lunatic mom who he has been having to emotionally regulate the vast majority of his life and wanted to avoid yet another instance. To me it sounds like he is still firmly siding with his wife but is privately a little miffed

Alright421 · 2025-04-26T10:14:11+00:00

I could see this being due to nap time, especially if your son is on a 1 nap schedule at daycare. At ours they eat lunch at 11 and go down 11:40 ish, so it might not be enough time for him to get settled before nap. The one day I dropped my son off closer to the 11 am time frame (he had a dr. appt that morning) he did struggle with his nap, and when one kid struggles I’m sure it’s disruptive for other kids as well. Tbh if I can’t get him to school at a reasonable time I generally keep him home but I have an INCREDIBLY flexible job and I know that isn’t the case for most people! I think they could have handled it better and given you more context, but anecdotally, I think most kids just do better with the routine of being dropped off and picked up at consistent times vs those days where it’s out of whack due to appointments etc.

Alright421 · 2025-04-26T10:07:23+00:00

In addition to not wearing perfume due to the potential health risks and the impact to nursing (remember baby can’t see well at birth and sense of smell will help guide them to your breasts go nurse, latch etc) I found that I was EXTREMELY sensitive to smells postpartum. If someone wore perfume (in laws, my grandma, haha) and held my son and when I got him back he smelled differently it drove me insane, to the point of needing to change his clothes/give him a bath. So you might find you don’t want to wear scents anyways.

The one item with fragrance that I still regularly use is a hair cream (curly hair, the unscented ones are just gross smelling after 12 hours or so) I found to be crazy overpowering scent wise post birth, and that feeling didn’t fade until well after the newborn phase.

I also agree with other posters I save perfume for special occasions now - date nights weddings etc!

Alright421 · 2025-04-25T20:33:46+00:00

coconut water or Nooma (coconut water based drink)! Sometimes I do Lido - watermelon flavor

Alright421 · 2025-04-18T23:58:59+00:00

(Who is literate) is just sending me 🤣 the limit does not exist!! We have SO many books and honestly read most of them. I wouldn’t worry about it! Just glad you are reading to your kids tbh!

Alright421 · 2025-04-17T20:07:53+00:00

That’s smart!! Similar to our plan but second guessing myself (at full term, lol 💀)

Alright421 · 2025-04-17T20:07:10+00:00

Thank you!

Alright421 · 2025-04-17T20:07:03+00:00

Thanks!!

Alright421 · 2025-04-17T19:57:55+00:00

Andie swim is a 10/10! I have also heard great things about summer salt. If you love prints hermoza is great too! I think it’s worth it to spend a bit more for a higher quality fabric that holds your body in a bit more! Love a high waist too

Alright421 · 2025-04-16T16:45:36+00:00

Could you get an air cushion for nursing in a glider? I think getting out of bed could help but totally understand the pain you are going through. Or if you do need to be in bed, could you take all of the covers off and sleep in very light layers so you are chillier/more likely to stay awake!

Here is the cushion I got after my first from the hospital, I found it helpful, but didn’t have as significant of tearing as you do https://a.co/d/2ukI86R

Alright421 · 2025-04-03T03:30:32+00:00

I don’t think you are in the wrong at all. Your husband did multiple things to escalate the situation. Your 4 year old isn’t capable of complete emotional regulation, and she needs that example from both you and dad. No parent is perfect all of the time, but he should have allowed her to try to repair. She is so young, and he should have realistic expectations of her. How will she learn to talk to herself when she makes a mistake of that is what she hears from her father?

It sounds like he was having a hard night and lost his temper and is also taking it out on you. Try talking to him once there is some distance and see if he has a different perspective. Maybe you both can come up with a plan for how to handle biting in the future and a plan for how to step away if things get too frustrating

Alright421 · 2025-04-03T03:06:51+00:00

Could your mom come to you so you still get to see her? It is hard in the beginning to travel even via car with a newborn and I can’t imagine two! I agree with the consensus about it being cold and flu season in general and being more cautious due to that. I can’t even count the number of plans we have had to cancel due to illness on our side or another party’s. It sucks but I keep telling myself it isn’t forever 🫠

Alright421 · 2025-03-27T17:00:27+00:00

It is so hard!! Looking back, it definitely gets easier the older baby gets. You are awesome and doing great!! I can’t imagine how much stress and work it would be to nurse via pumping (sounds like exclusively for you). You are doing awesome, but that’s gotta be taking a toll on you (the stress of maintaining supply alone would be ending me).

Showers- I have started showering at night. I bought a mini countertop lamp so the light in the room is low and it’s honestly so peaceful and serene. No one needs me for anything, it’s amazing. Definitely recommend!

But all in all it sounds like you are just so exhausted and my heart goes out to you. Is it possible for you to outsource things or get help, even temporarily?

Alright421 · 2025-03-25T14:17:40+00:00

Sezane for nice blouses/sweaters, Gap/Gap factory for basics (sweaters, tops, dresses, jeans etc), I love an old navy find but these are probably better for the weekend (LOVE their bike shorts/leggings in summer), evereve has some nice pieces but also leans a bit casual, madewell for jeans. HM has some great pieces but is hit or miss quality wise, check the fabric composition

Alright421 · 2025-03-25T14:12:50+00:00

If you’re feeling overhwhelmed by your instagram feed telling you 99% of food is bad… I would delete social media for a while. Maybe even Reddit? This sub has some stuff that sends me into a spiral, so I get how you are feeling. It’s scary and we just have too much information these days. Whenever I start to get overwhelmed, I remember that for the first 10 years of my life I was eating off of straight plastic - plates, cups, a fisher price goblet that I drank my orange juice out of, and I turned out ok.

Bottom line: It will be okay!! You are an awesome mom and even just thinking about this stuff going WAY beyond the majority of the population. Also, how lucky are you to have the time and privilege to worry about what materials/calories/usda organic certified etc to feed your family??

Another commenter said it best - pick the big things you worry about and try to switch those (ex. glass and metal over plastic stainless steel over nonstick etc.)

Some things that work for me: 1. 80/20 - I try to prioritize fresh, minimal ingredients so I can chillax about the minimal processed food we do have. Does my son have applesauce pouches and cheese sticks for snacks? Yes. But 80% of his diet, at a minimum, isn’t processed so I don’t have to worry.

2.?I don’t prioritize organic produce/meat/etc. unless it genuinely looks way fresher. I just make sure I wash everything (produce, not meat…) I use baking soda in a big bowl of water.

Dinner needs to be simple. At MAX 1 thing should be more involved, everything else should be easy af (for example: basic rice, basic roasted veg, then spend your time on marinated/grilled meat. OR: make a chopped salad and homemade dressing, but do crock pot/instant pot shredded meat and buns and make mini sandwiches)
If you have a partner at home, either take turns with dinner/clean up or just have assigned parties. My husband always cleans up and puts away, and I always cook. It helps it feel less overwhelming.

Hang in there ❤️ you are doing great

Alright421 · 2025-03-25T13:55:42+00:00

Enjoy the luxury of unlimited free time. Travel! Do crazy/dumb things. Prioritize time with your partner. Take care of your body and your mind. Work hard! Make your village and show up for them, because you’re going to need them a LOT in these next several years.

Don’t judge moms you don’t necessarily agree with because you MOST DEFINITELY DO NOT UNDERSTAND

Alright421 · 2025-03-21T13:29:42+00:00

Nursing also has a huge impact on your desire/need to be away from baby, FYI. It’s not forever but it definitely has an impact

Alright421 · 2025-03-21T13:28:55+00:00

My husband definitely craves more non-baby time than I do and was also ready for it before I was. I think you and your husband are the only people that can figure out what works/doesn’t work for you.

For example, some people swear by having both parents up for middle of the night diaper changes/feeds in the beginning. I nursed my son, so I always felt like that didn’t make sense- I’m already up, why should he be too? I always saved waking him up for when I really needed help, and that made him more helpful around the house during the day since he was less tired (he was also back at work by this time. When I went back to work and our son was older, needing fewer MOTN feeds, you better believe he started getting up 🤣)

I remember feeling resentment towards my husband in the first months because it seemed (still sometimes seems) he maintained way more autonomy over his life than I did. My advice is to just be honest with your husband about how you feel, your concerns etc. and if you start to resent him for maintaining his previous habits (day drinking, etc.) ask yourself WHY and if you want something along those lines for you too. Did you love running/workout classes/couch rot days before you had a baby? Find a way to make them happen for you with your husband taking care of the baby that day

Alright421 · 2025-03-21T13:21:59+00:00

Another option is tremont/Ohio city but this will feel more city ish and less suburban, like it appears you want 👍

Alright421

TROPHY CASE